Archive for the 'Playboy' Category

 

CGOY Prediction?

Dec 17, 2003 in Playboy

Found out that my angelfire site was temporarily suspended last night. And that’s where I’ve been hosting my images. So, if crap hasn’t been showing up, now you know. Just want to know who’s been using up a gigabyte of bandwidth. It’s not like I got a large crap of big files or loads of traffic. Anyway. Let’s move on.

Here’s my last year end list. It’s my top 5 Cyber Girls of the Month.

What is a Cyber Girl? Playboy created the Cyber Girl of the Week in the fall of 2000 for the members of Playboy’s Cyber Club, the first being Stephanie Heinrich. In 2001, the Cyber Girl of the Month premiered, the first also being Stephanie Heinrich. Stephanie would later go on to become the first Cyber Girl to be named Playmate of the Month. Can you guess that she was a frequent visitor to Hef’s groin, I mean home.

The Cyber Girl of the Month is chosen by member votes from the four or five Cyber Girls of the Week. The top vote-getter is named the Cyber Girl of the Month.

A year and a half later the first Cyber Girl of the Year, Erika Michelle Barre, was crowned. The 12 Cyber Girls who make it to CGOM are voted on, and similar to the CGOM, the Cyber Girl of the Year is the top vote-getter among the twelve. So, unlike the Playmate of the Year, where Hef has the final say, the Cyber Girl of the Year is voted for by Cyber Club members.

Last year, the second CGOY was Merritt Cabal. A month before the new Playmate of the Year is introduced in Playboy, a new CGOY will be revealed in Playboy’s Cyber Club.

Here are my picks for best CGOMs of the past year. The top choice is my personal pick for Cyber Girl Of The Year.

Yeah, it’s a top 5 list, and not a top 10. I had one top 10 and one top 4. Now I got a top 5. But it’s all the same. Trust me. It’s the same.

So here we go.

The Candidates:

(From Left to Right, Top to Bottom, whatever, whatever: Mary Beth Decker, Carmella DeCesare, Heather McQuaid, Wendy Culp, Shamron Moore, Alicia Burley, Nancie Tyler Le, Tiffany Lang, Jessica Renee, Jackie Bean, Kristin Novak, Liza Hartling.)

As you can tell, some of the cyber girls aren’t as hot as the average playmate. But they do offer some variety. Unfortunately, there were still too many blonds.

My top 5 picks:

1)

Alicia Burley

2)

Carmella DeCesare

3)

Nancie Tyler Le

4)

Liza Hartling

5)

Tiffany Lang

I doubt if Alicia Burley will win this year, although the first two CGOYs were brunettes. But I’m guessing that there will be a blond named this year. It’s hard to figure out how the Cyber Club members will vote, but in the past the winner has definitely been over-endowed with silicone. The club members love big fake breasts. This year they have a natural looking, big breasted woman to pick from. And she looks like she came straight off a porno set. My guess for Cyber Girl of the Year is…

Liza Hartling

Playmate Of The Week

Dec 12, 2003 in Playboy

Donna Edmondson
Playmate Of The Month: November, 1986 & Playmate Of The Year 1987

The Facts

Birthdate: February 1, 1966
Birthplace: Greensboro, North Carolina USA

Bust: 36

Waist: 23

Hips: 35

Height: 5′ 10

Weight: 127 lbs

Ambitions:
To build my empire around real estate. And to find the greatest source of happiness!

Turn-Ons:
The beach, pasta, foreign cars, animals (especially cats) and being with my family.

Turnoffs:
People who lie and take advantage of others, drugs and divorce.

Favorite Books:
“Great Expectations,” “The Greatest Salesman in the World,” “One Minute Manager.”

Describe Your Ideal Evening:
I haven’t had it yet…I’m still waiting!

Favorite Places:
Myrtle Beach, South Carolina; the Playboy Mansion, my bedroom in my new home.

Most Embarrassing Moment:
I was swimming in the ocean and a very rude wave took my top off (I spent the next hour searching for it).

photographed by Arny Freytag and Stephen Wayda
Biography on Playboy
Gallery

On The Cover
Devin De Vasquez
Playmate Of The Year Cover: 1987
Donna Edmondson

Contents: November 1986

Interview:
Joan Rivers

20 Questions:
David Horowitz

Features:
“Dudes” by Mel Green
“Ordinary People” by Susan Squire
“Climbers” by Craig Vetter
“The Ones to Watch” by Kevin Cook.

Pictorials:
Devin De Vasquez photographed by Arny Freytag and Stephen Wayda
Celine La Freniere
Sex in Cinema 1986

Contents: June 1987

Interview:
Whoopi Goldberg

20 Questions
Michael J. Fox

Features
“Home Shopping” by Bill Zehme
“Financial Evangelists” by Jerry Stahl
“Raising the Tube Stakes” by William Marsano
“Rubbers from Ronnie” by Robert Coram

Pictorials:
Jenilee Harrison photographed by Stephen Wayda
Sandy Greengerg (PMOM) photographed by Stephen Wayda
Donna Edmondson (PMOY) photographed by Richard Fegley and Stephen Wayda

Donna Edmondson’s claim to fame is for being the virgin playmate. It was admitted in the magazine that she was a virgin in the text of her original pictorial layout. This and the fact that she was from the south and the Bible Belt led to her being named Playmate of the Year. Many believe she was named PMOY because she was from North Carolina where good ole’ Edwin Meese called home. Attorney General Meese headed a commission looking into pornography and Playboy was one of his targets.

The Meese Commission was created in 1985 to study the impact of pornography on American culture. In 1986 he aided a campaign that led to Playboy being banned in 7-Eleven and other major drug stores. He sent out letters to these chains on Department of Justice stationary informing them to remove all adult material from their stores or they’d be sanctioned for selling pornography. Donna Edmondson being named Playmate of the Year was seen as Playboy’s way of giving a big slap in the face to Edwin Meese and the early New Christian Right.

PBS: Porn and Politics in a Digital Age

But that ain’t why I like the chick. It’s the rolls, son. It’s the rolls. Donna represents the last of the round figured playmate. Naturally big breasted. Wide-hipped. Big bottomed. Long-legged. That’s what the ideal playmate of the past looked like. Sure, the 80s playmate had on too much make-up. And perm jobs out of control. But I considered them the best that Playboy has ever had to offer.

Some of you love the 70s. But the playmate of the 70s was too naturally. Some looked like they had just come from a porno shoot. No make-up. Some looking like they were someone’s mom. And more pubic hair than in Jim Kelly’s Afro. Nope. For me, nothing matches a playmate from the 1980s. And Donna is the epitome.

It’s funny. But by today’s Playmate standards, Donna could be considered overweight. I haven’t seen a backside shot of her without a backroll or two. And that’s just how I like it. And those breasts. They hang like chains. But they’re as beautiful as ever. And I’ve never doubted the naturalness of them. It’s only when you have a rail-skinny chick with double-Ds that you start to wonder. But Donna’s breast fit her body type.

It’s funny how her virginity got such big play in the media. It probably would be the same today. I mean I’d be shocked if a woman today posed in Playboy and turned out to be a virgin. I think the current prerequisite to being a playmate is to first be fondled and turned out by Hef in the mansion. Then and only then do you even have a shot. And I think a lot of chicks are outside the gates lined up for the task.

The reviews are in…

Dec 08, 2003 in Playboy

On the Playboy 50th Anniversary Special on A&E. And from what I’m reading, this show was a load of crap. Unfortunately, I haven’t watched it yet. But, it’s waiting for me on tape when I get the chance to watch it. I won’t lie. I was actually looking forward to it.

Playboy special pompous, dull, uses weak comedy

The last person talking in a new special about Playboy magazine is 84-year-old Red Buttons.
And that makes sense, since Buttons is the same age as the average Playboy reader.

Pathetic A&E special proves party’s over for ‘Playboy’

It’s so bad that Hefner’s groping of Pamela Anderson’s leg during an interview, and her polite yet obvious efforts to keep his hand from creeping upward, is the two-hour show’s highlight.

PMOY Prediction

Dec 03, 2003 in Playboy

Update 1: I’m back. At least for the next two weeks, which is around the week of Christmas. But until then I’ll be back posting daily about absolutely nothing.

Update 2: I’ve decided to kill the Asshole of the Week. Well, not kill. But end. Yeah, end the Asshole of the Week. I just don’t have that much venom, or time, to post on a weekly basis. But if someone decides to act assholey enough, besides myself, I’ll update the list.

Update 3: It’ll be a couple of days before I start the audio page. And anything else outside of this page.

Now onto the crap.

Since I won’t be posting that much at the end of the year. I’ve decided to post the first of my two top ten lists now. Crap ain’t coming out in the next few weeks that’ll change my mind that much. So my first list is my top 4 Playmates of the Year.

First the candidates:

(From left to right: Rebecca Ramos, Charis Boyle, Pennelope Jimenez, Carmella DeCesare, Laurie Feter, Tailor James, Marketa Janska, Colleen Marie, Luci Victoria, Audra Lynn, Divini Rae, Sarah & Deisi Teles.)

A very ho-hum collection this year. No one truly stood out. The year started out slow, then sped up, then slowed back down, then went on cruise control, and slowly went out. I truly disliked that Rebecca Ramos and Charis Boyle were included, although Charis Boyle’s pictorial turned out better than expected. I was expecting ho-bait, but got some measure of class. The Teles twins were tops on my list. But the more these Brazilian chicks were exposed, the less I liked them. They’re Playboy’s version of crappy english speaking Italians. How do you say, uh, I don’t know, ahhhh, ann, ahhh, annoy, uhhhhh, annoying. Divini Rae was truly overkill, bodywise. But her pictorial changed my mind. Plus, she has a great face. Pennelope Jimenez would have made my list, she was a close fifth, if not for the bad boob job. Anyway here’s my top four picks:

1)
Carmella DeCesare

2)
Audra Lynn

3)
Sarah & Deisi

4)
Divini Rae

I doubt if Carmella will make it to Playmate of the Year. Playboy has a tendency to pick blonds, especially after a brunette. Last year, Christina Santiago was the PMOY. This also makes it hard for anyone of a strong ethnic origin to be picked next year. Two hispanics back to back. Please. It ain’t happening. Also, there hasn’t been an instance where twins have won the PMOY prize. Especially twins who can’t speak english worth crap. But who the hell am I. I ain’ts be gotten no monay.

The average Playmate build is 5-foot-6, 115 pounds, 36-23-35. The PMOY is slightly thinner in the waist than the normal Playmate. She is also usually taller and two pounds heavier. The PMOY is very seldom under the height of 5-foot-5. This puts Playmates like Tailor James, who’s 5-foot-4, at a disadvantage.

With that said, my prediction for Playmate of the Year is


Divini Rae

She’s 5-foot-8, 36-24-36, and blond. Her only disadvantages are her weight, 126, and her age, 26. But her weight seems to be a result of a truly buffed up body. And the final choice is always Hugh Hefner, which I believe holds well in her favor. Divini is his kind of girl. She’s met him. And I wouldn’t be suprised if she somehow ended up in his flock.

(Note: Audra Lynn was a close second.)

Playmate Of The Week

Nov 09, 2003 in Playboy

Lisa Marie Scott
Playmate Of The Month: February 1995

Birthdate: February 1, 1974
Birthplace: Pensacola, Florida USA

Bust: 34 C

Waist: 21

Hips: 33 1/2

Height: 5′ 2

Weight:103 lbs

Ambitions:
To be successful in my career, to have a great husband & family, and to speak Japanese & French fluently.

Turn-Ons:
Kids, Honesty & Kindness, great insight & intelligence, Food, Athletic Legs, a sense of humor, Blue eyes, Surfers.

Turn-Offs:
Superficial & Materialistic people, Egotistical men, Rush Hour traffic, Fat-free foods, Ignorance, and being in the desert too long.

I Love Ballet Because:
It is one of the few professions that combines physical, artistic & creative beauty.

I Feel Most At Home:
When I’m near the water. I’ve lived in beach cities all around the world, and my favorite place is Kailua, Hawaii, because the people are so down to earth.

My Split Personality:
I’m generally a pretty shy person, but when I get on stage or in front of a camera, I feel very much at home. I think people are born with stage presence & either they have it or they don’t.

photographed by Arny Freytag
Internet Biography
Lisa Marie Scott Website

On The Cover
Victoria Jacobs

Contents

Pictorials:

Life Begins at Forty photographed by Stephen Wayda
Julie Lynn Cialini photographed by Stephen Wayda

Interview:

Tim Robbins by Marshall Fine

Profile:

Richard Branson by David Sheff

20 Questions:

David Spade by Warren Kalbacker

Features:

“As The World Turns” by James R. Petersen
“The Petty Girl” by Reid Stewart Austin

This one was a little bit too obvious. In fact it was so obvious that I actually thought about picking someone else. But it isn’t Lisa Marie’s fault that every dude who has ever read an issue of Playboy, especially the one she’s in, has fallen in love with the cute little ballerina. Maybe it was the pink little ballerina outfit she posed in for her pictorial layout. Maybe it’s the fact that she was one of the first Playmates to branch out beyond Playboy, doing crappy ass Baywatch Night episodes, and jumping over to the enemy empire over at FHM. Of course, she’s also one of the first Playmates to truly utilize the Internet to its fullest, posing for Mac and Bumble and Mystique, and ultimately opening up her own website which she actually updates on a regular basis. Can you believe that shit.

I think that for a lot of dudes it’s the fact that she’s of Asian descent. The half-Japanese, half-American, half-Scottish, half-Swiss mutt is essentially the new male American dream girl. Black dudes love black chicks mixed with Asian. White dudes love white chicks mixed with Asian. And it ain’t just Asian love. Today Playboy annoys us with that shit to the fullest. When have you not read in a bio for one of the Playmates that she isn’t mixed with something. Nobody’s just plain white ass cracker, or black hole skillet. No creme. No nothing.

I personally think chicks carry their muttness like a badge of honor. It separates a black chick, and a white chick, and some foreign Czech goddess from the masses of plain ass one DNA, one color pack categorical sameness. But I wouldn’t blame that on Lisa Marie, outside of the fact that Playboy, and the chicks who wanted to get into Playboy, learned of the popularity of Lisa Marie, and saw fit to copy her to gain similar popularity.

Which makes one wonder why Playboy has never learned how to replicate the popularity of her body type. Scott and Elisa Bridges were two of the most popular Playmates of the 90s. And they both were petite with no body augmentations. They were natural. And in Lisa’s case, dark haired. So, why in the hell has the current crop of Playmates, especially after 2000, been mostly blond with big fake breasts. And Playboy still wonders why they keep losing readership. It’s not a big secret. You’re not giving the public what they want.

Of course, the current year was supposed to bring about a change. Over the past year the magazine still featured over seven playmates that were blond. And Charis Boyle and Rebecca Ramos were an abomination. The playmate to make the biggest splash on her debut was Carmella DeCesare, another petite, dark-haired beauty. There was a tendency to try to feature more natural playmates like Audra Lynn and Collen Marie. But it still wasn’t a break-out-the-mold year.

Many thought 2002′s attempts at diversity would reflect in future years of Playboy. That year included three women of color, as Playboy likes to call them. It might be four if you include Michelle Rogers. And five if you include blond, white girl Teri Harrison, who I believe is, part Japanese. And it was one of the first times in a long time when a black chick, Serria Tawan, appeared in the magazine and wasn’t heavily mixed with something else. Although I could be wrong about this. It also included Christina Santiago, of Puerto-Rican ancestry, as the Playmate of the Year, a first I believe. I could be wrong.

Of course 2002 may have been an aberration. Playboy may not show that level of diversity for a long time coming. But it was refreshing while it lasted. And 2003 wasn’t all bad, just hit or miss. Here’s hoping that Playboy gets back on track. Or better yet, start a new track. The formula, the blueprint already exists. All you have to do is look at Lisa Marie Scott.

Playmate Of The Week

Nov 01, 2003 in Playboy

Janet Pilgrim
Playmate Of The Month: July & December, 1955 & October, 1956

The Facts

Born: Charlaine Karalus

Birthdate: June 13, 1934

Birthplace: Wheaton, Illinois USA

Bust: 36

Waist: 24

Hips: 36

Height: 5′ 6

Weight: 115 lbs

On The Covers

Photographed By Arthur-James & Mike Shea.

Contents

July ’55:

Pictorial:

Tempest Storm ‘Tempest in a C-Cup’
Tempest Storm

Tempest Storm (real name Annie Blanche Banks) had one of the greatest stage names for any burlesque performer, but that isn’t all she had. With flaming red hair and a figure that men would kill for, Tempest Storm soon went from chorus girl to strip-tease star. She also became a pin-up sensation with the help of legendary photographer and director Russ Meyer. She was one of the defining women in the golden age of the striptease, creating a lasting myth that every classic bachelor is thankful for.

December ’55:

Pictorial:

Burlesque in Tokyo

Features:

“A Classic Affair” by Charles Beaumont.
“The Next Line” by Ray Bradbury.
“Uncovering a Nudist Wedding” by Earl Wilson.
“The First Sap of Manhood” satire by Shepherd Mead.
“A Lady’s Honor” by Ray Russell.

October ’56:

Features:

“The Right Kind of Pride” by Herbert Gold.
“Hospitality” by Lesley Conger.
“Hemingway (A Title Bout in Ten Rounds)” (round 3) by Jed Kiley.
“A Pound of Flesh” by Anson Mount.
“For Export Only (Stateside Cinema is Spice, Too, But Not for Home Consumption)”.

Janet Pilgrim was the real first Playmate. Before her, most of the photos were bought from second hand sources, featuring professional models. In fact, Marilyn Monroe’s centerfold was of one of these stock photographs. After going through the Bettie Pages and Jayne Mansfields, Hef decided to change the direction of his little mag by featuring a heartland hometown girl. He set his sights on Janet Pilgrim, who worked in the Playboy subscription department, and eventually talked her into posing for the magazine. Can you spell sexual harrassment, kiddies.

One interesting fact is that in her first centerfold, the fuzzy figure in the background is Hugh, himself. Second interesting fact is that Janet would appear two more times, in December of 1955, some six months after her first centerfold, and almost a year later in October of 1956. She would also do a pictorial in July 1962. And she also appeared on her first two magazine covers. Now that’s what we call overkill.

But think about it. Janet Pilgrim was the Pamela Anderson of her time. Just without the ditzy attitude, slutty nature, and fake tits. She was real. A real woman living in the real world, with a real job. She actually was the “girl next door.” And she didn’t have to spread her legs, or show too much boobage. She was the kind of woman you might be able to take home to mother.

Of course no one really stood a chance of getting a woman like Janet. It was about the illusion, the art. The women were hot, and they looked attainable, but not in a trashy way. They were women you might bump into on the train, or on the street, in an elevator, or in a store. They were round like hourglasses, breasts like plums, asses like basketballs, tummys like rolling hills. They gave you just enough to make you think about them. And not too much that might make you want to forget them. And Janet Pilgrim was the first, the prototype. The Real Deal.


All three of her centerfolds feature Janet looking outward. A sheer wrapping, a white fur stole, breast barely peaking through. Her head tilted in two of the photographs, one with, possibly, a Martini, another in front of a Christmas tree, and yet another with a powderer, staring back as peaceful as hell. No funky orgasmic looks. No ass shots. No pubic hair. Just plan, cleaned up, hot ass woman. I swear, I can stare at her for days.

Playboy Rules

Which is one reason Playboy cannot be considered pornographic. From the beginning, its models have always displayed too much personality. With an internal logic dictated by a single goal stimulation the conceits and conventions of pornography demand personality’s absence. Faux ecstasy, the head turned aside and thrown back, the eyes firmly (and unthreateningly) shut, a fetishistic obsession with anonymous body parts pornography is degrading because it denies the person. Abnegation of self is the ultimate form of submission. But those Playboy centerfold models look you squarely in the eye. Self-possessed and undisguised, they challenge as much as they reveal, their identities as prominent as their bodies. They are women, not toys.

The present day Playmate doesn’t match up to Janet. Truth is that present day Playmates are nothing more than new age Bettie Pages and Jayne Mansfields. They have cultivated their bodies, defined their personalities, and forcefully dictated their presence for a Playboy audience. They were born, they were built, they are defined by Playboy. They’re nothing more than Six Thousand Dollar Girls. They truly are pornographic. They live to be pornographic. They are defined by their pornography. Pornography is who they are.

And it wasn’t supposed to be this way. There are many causes. I won’t go into them in great detail. The Internet, the lad mags, the overdevelopment of the American mind, especially in terms of sexual information, or over-misinformation, can all be pointed to as contributing factors. Playboy, falling miserably to try to compete on their level, losing sight of its own image.

But that’s getting off the point. The point is that I miss Janet Pilgrim. Or women like her. I miss the idea that sex could include art, that naked could be refined. That natural could be cultivated, and be manipulated, and still be natural. That’s what the Playmate of the Month was supposed to be, and what it isn’t anymore.

Playmate Of The Week

Oct 26, 2003 in Playboy

Laurie Jo Wood
Playmate Of The Month: March, 1989

The Facts:

Birthplace: Orange, California USA

Bust: 37″

Waist: 24 1/2″

Hips: 36″

Height: 5′ 10″

Weight: 125 lbs

Ambitions:
To be successful in life, true love and family.

Turn-ons:
Smell of rain, horseback riding, candlelight, ski resorts, dancing.

Turnoffs:
Judgmental people, bad posture, spitting, negativity, jealousy.

Food & Drink:
Dry white wine and French bread, Ruffles chips and dill pickles.

Hot Time:
Dressing sexy for a night on the town with good friends — and dancing in a moving convertible.

Dream Guy:
He’s romantic, impulsive and madly in love with me. He has sexy eyes and looks great in 501 jeans!

The Best Part Of Making Love:
A lover’s fingertip caress.

On The Cover
LaToya Jackson

Photographed by Arny Freytag.
Married when photographed.

Contents

Interview:

Tom Hanks

Pictorials:

Pamela Des Barres photographed by Richard Fegley, La Toya Jackson photographed by Stephen Wayda.

20 Questions:

Fred Dryer (Hunter)

Features:

“Let’s Make a Drug Deal” by Reg Potterton
“My Brother’s First Climb” by Craig Vetter.

The big attraction was LaToya Jackson. Seeing LaToya buck-naked was a big deal back then. The Jacksons were a big deal. Michael was finally full-blown white, like a ghost, and his nose was on the verge of disappearing. And LaToya. She was married, and many believed she was losing it. Her nudity, coming from the Jehovah Witness lovin’ Jackson clan, was news. And she would appear naked with a snake.

I remember being no older than 12 or 13. My older cousin, who was only 15 at the time, had gotten a copy of the magazine. He brought it with him when he came by the schoolyard. Yeah, I know, pornography on the school grounds, being viewed by kids no younger than 12, and no older than 16. Today, it probably would be seen as child abuse or something. I’m glad I didn’t grow up later when “everything” became regulated and watched.

Ah, the good ole days: getting sips of beer from relatives at the age of 9, losing my virginity at 13, smoking a blunt at 14, N.W.A. blaring through a cheap ass tape player, watching “I’ll Spit On Your Grave” at least 3 times by the age of 15. Yep, the good ole days when the corruption of the youthful mind by mass media was still no big deal.

Now getting back to the magazine. I honestly have no recollections of the Pamela Des Barres pictorial. Maybe if I saw it again, I would remember. But what I do remember still til this very day is Laurie Wood. Most of the images that have stuck with me are the bathroom scenes, her body wet from top the bottom, thin clothing clinging to her body. And no offense, but Laurie made pubic hair look good, drenched and heavily hanging from the center of her body. It makes you wonder why the woman of today choose to go bald. The majority of my favorite playmates have hair down there. And a couple of them hang like the wilderness, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, after seeing Laurie’s pictorial, the draw for wanting to see the magazine changed. I bugged my cousin several times after that. And the majority of the time I spent it “viewing” Laurie. At least until he didn’t have the magazine anymore. One day he took it to school with him. His friends bugged out while viewing LaToya in a class. The teacher caught them and took away the magazine. He never got it back.

But it didn’t matter. Because that little taste began my love-hate affair with Playboy. Every couple of months after that I would find a way to get my hands on a copy of the current mag. When I turned 16 I began making my monthly track to my local newspaper stand to pick up a copy. Playboy, along with comic books and rock and rap cds, became a regular standard of my monthly purchases.

Today, for the first time in a long time, I do not have a subscription to Playboy. And I only read about 2 or 3 comics a month. Rock is almost dead to me. And rap is getting close to burial. I don’t know if it’s time or age or both. But it’s getting pretty close to “lights out.”

It’s Over

Sep 21, 2003 in Playboy

I finally ended my subscription to Playboy. No more Playboy. No more. No more pornography. Wait, I think I’m going too far. A little porn, but no more bunny. Hefner is dead to me. You read me. You’re DEAD! You’re DEAD, I SAY!!!

Overkill. I agree. But Playboy is stale. I don’t know what I’ll do to replace it. I hate to say it, but the National Organization of Women was right. I’m addicted to this stuff. I need my monthly dose of fake titty and bald cootchie. What will I do without my stank-ass hoe dose?

I hate hardcore pornography. I do not like seeing bulging, veiny horse-penis. I don’t like the look of my own Johnson. I definitely don’t want to see someone else’s. And how many close-ups of a vagina can a person stand. Genitalia is the ugliest part of the human body. I’m sorry. It just doesn’t photograph well. No labia in the picture frame on the wall. And no semen. No semen, I say. Bad penis. Baaaaad.

So, I think I might have to start “reading” Maxim and FHM. They suck, too. But not as much. And they can be funny at times. Because I just don’t have the stomach to surf porno sites. It’s just too weird out there. You’re all just a little bit too sick and twisted for my taste. (cough-cough)

P.S. Tell Teri Harrison that no one but porno-whores call men’s penis’s cocks. Big stick, Johnson, dick, weiner, Lil Elvis, but no cock.

Playmate Info

Aug 28, 2003 in Playboy

Playmate information was originally compiled by Chooch. Recently, it has been updated by Phlash. Special appreciation to those that have helped with corrections and additions,
especially EggMan and Zach.

2000

Aug 28, 2003 in Playboy

2000s (Incomplete)

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