Baking Soda and Coca Leaves, Part II
Did you know Coca-Cola used to have cocaine in it. It was part coca and part wine, sort of like my crackhead uncle. Apparently, the coca and wine was supposed to fix people of their illnesses, like thoughtfulness, and not urinating in other people’s back yards. But the big bad governement had to get in everybody’s way. That’s why they came up with that evil law, Prohibition, outlawing all that filthy liquor. I hate you liquor. I hope you die.
So, the dude that made Coca-Cola had to remove the wine part. He kept the coke like a good grug dealer, and just added sugar and caffeine to the mix. just think, a soft drink with coke and caffeine in it. I bet people really got high off that stuff. I guess that’s why Coca-Cola became such a hit. A hit, get it, a hit. Forget it.
So, after hyping up a generation, the government decided that crap like cocaine and heroin was bad (at least for negroes), and decided to outlaw the substances. So, you know what that meant, no more hemp ropes and bags. Dammit. So the dude that made Coca-Cola took out the coke and added more syrup and sugar. And that’s how we got the piece of crap that messed us up with fat kids and adult diabetes today.
Thanks Coke. I mean, Coca-Cola, that is.
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