I Am Anointed
To continue on my fact finding mission on Jews and drugs, I found out something interesting: Jesus was a weed head. I honestly had no idea that Jesus, the King of the Jews, was into weed. But apparently he was. I guess this is why those Rastafarians smoke all that herb. They’re following in the ways of the Messiah. And who can say if they’re wrong.
Take the following fine spices: 500 shekels of liquid myrrh, half as much of fragrant cinnamon, 250 shekels of qaneh-bosm, 500 shekels of cassia–all according to the sanctuary shekel–and a hind of olive oil. Make these into a sacred anointing oil
I did a search on Google about Jesus and drugs, and the first hit I got was from this Marijuana website. And you could tell the potheads were proud of Jesus being a weed head because the next couple of listings on Google were about the same thing, Jesus and the Apostles using cannabis. I guess in their minds, if Jesus used it, it must be okay for everyone else to use it.
But how did the potheads come to this conclusion. It all stems from some old Bible translations. Some dude found out that kanehbosm might mean cannibas. Scholars used to think it meant calamus, which is another plant, when used in high dosages, that can cause hallucinogenic effects. So, however it’s translated, Jesus was on something.
Back in the day, Moses was told by God to pull together some cinnamon, some olive oil, some myrrh, some cassia (which is like cinnamon), and some weed, and mix it all together to make the great holy anoiting oil. The holy folks would rub this stuff on their bodies so that they could get closer to God, or as we say in modern times, get effed up.
They’d get off on this psychoactive high when the cannibas would be absorbed into the system through the skin. So, they’d be high and they’d smell all nice and stuff all at the same. In fact, one of Jesus’s first miracles was to turn water into wine in the city where weed was thought to be popularly grown. Some even speculate that the new wine that Jesus created there during his first miracle was actually something similar to Coca-Cola, only this time we’ll call it Weed Kool-Aid, which can only be concluded to mean that Jesus liked to party.
Some find this information disturbing, but I don’t see why. We already know that Jesus was a winehead. He loved to drink. Why else would he turn perfectly good water into “wine.” Did the people honestly need wine right then and there? So what, the wine had run out. You mean to tell me that the people couldn’t celebrate at a wedding without alchohol present? The fact that Jesus would “waste” his godly powers on making wine has to tell you that Jesus wasn’t a stranger to getting liquored up. So, it shouldn’t be anymore surprising that Jesus loved to rub his self down with some weed oil. And who can blame him. The dude loved staying in touch with Himself (Because the Father is the Son is the Holy Ghost), just like me.
And therefore several questions must be asked: why should modern man be denied the same tools Jesus and his Apostles used when they wanted to get in touch with the Great One? Why hasn’t the church accepted the rites and rituals that their ancestors used? Why is it illegal for me and my peoples to be anointed just as the Messiah was?
Somebody tell me why it ain’t right for me to get weeded and liquored like my savior? At least on the weekends. I gotta have the weekends. Praise the Lord.
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