Super-Villain Style

A chapter in my life will be ending this week.  I’m moving out of my roach and rat-infested digs into a nice little three bedroom apartment by the lake.  It’s gonna cause a brother a pretty penny, but I say it’s worth it.  You have no idea how long I’ve been looking forward to this. 

All my life i’ve lived in crappy little doodie-holes, either by myself, or with one or two other nasty, filthy bastards who were as broke as I was.  Everytime I thought I was getting out, the man brought me right back in.  And by the man, I mean my wallet.  I just couldn’t afford to live large, at least not until now.  Now I’m rolling in those Hamiltons, son.  I burn Washingtons like a negro ain’t even got no sense.  And that’s because I don’t.  This brother only holds solids.  No dimes, quarters and pennies for this boss playa.

And now, for the first time in my life, I have a chance at living like a human being, or as some may say, like a actual white man.  And, oh, have I always wanted to be as my tormentor, that one day he may accept me as his equal, if not his greater.  And by letting the negro move in next to him, the white man has expressed his feelings of letting bygones be bygones.  And by golly, I’m willing to go along for the ride.  Thanks fellas.

Just to show my gratitude, recently I  registered as a Republican.  I’m planning on buying a Volvo in the next few months.  And I’m currently interviewing white woman to play the role of my, well, white woman.  If i can’t find a white woman who will degrade herself like Toastee on that Flavor of Love show, then I’m gonna have to get me a fine Latina.  In fact, much like Flav, I’m eyeing a fine-skinned Teenie right now.  You shall be mine, my brown-skinned mamacita.

And it should make her happy that I also opened up a bank account, and I put most of my dough in there.  I normally keep my stash in a hole in my mattress, but I thought, if a brother gonna start living it up now, then he better go all the way with it.  Got me some Dockers from JC Penney.  Looking for a nice pair of hush puppies for my feet.  Boy, I’mma be spaced-out victorious.  And all you lower forms will have to raise up and recognize the Super-Pimpin, White-boy.

Hee-hee.  I sure do love me some Justin Timberlake.  He’s my favorite.

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