Recently in Jesus Lives Category
09:15 am - Sometimes, when it rains, it pours. Like a cold thundery night. Like Nighttrain. Or Dayquil.
11:36 am - I just read that Pluto ain't no planet no more. So, what does that make it, eight planets. Only thing is, I also heard that they had discovered two or three more planets, meaning this solar system actually had 12 or 13, instead of nine planets. So, does that mean we have 11 planets now? I don't know. And I know if I don't know, the kids in the public schools don't know either. And for that fact alone, I suggest that there should be no questions about the solar system on any standardized tests for, let's say, the next decade. Maybe then the scientists will have made up their minds on how many planets actually exist.
01:45 pm - Apparently the apocalypse is near because I heard that Tom Cruise got fired a couple of days ago. It's been all over the news, and I mean the real news, not that crap from Access Hollywood and Entertainment Tonight. So, that must mean it's some really serious stuff. When (insert your favorite anchorman) leads off the evening news with some Tom Cruise crap, and pushes real shit like Iraq, or Iran, or Lebanon, or even South Korea to the side, then you know it's major league. In fact when I heard he had been kicked to the side, I had to do an obligatory spit-take. It was almost a big a shock then when I heard that Crunchy Black was leaving Three 6 Mafia. Both times, I found myself completely devastated after hearing the news. Straight suicidal.
Apparently, Cruise's studio bosses thought he was too weird to continue making movies for Paramount. I guess he was just too scary for them. And I guess I can see their point. When your religion centers around an evil alien dumping bodies in valcanoes, and you start spitting mental health advice, I can see people distancing themselves from you.
I also read that Mission Impossible didn't meet the studios expectations for what they consider a blockbuster, even though the movie still made money. And even though the movie made money, because Cruise takes such a large cut, the studio might not break even. And I can only guess that may be the real reason he was tossed like last week's ham and cheese sandwich.
That's why it sickens me, to the point of internal bowel upheavel, that the old cootie, Red Sumner, or Reg Southfork, or J.R. Redding, decided to use Cruise's rants on Scientology and Katie Holmes (both one and the same) as an excuse for the Whitener - my little nickname for Tom - being fired. We all know that it doesn't matter how weird you are, or how coked up your nose is, or how heroined out your veins are, in Hollywood, anything and everything can be forgiven if the right people get the right amount of dough in their pockets.
And unfortunately for Cruise, his dough came up short. And like any other hoe, his ass had to be pimped down. Bishop Red Don Sumner had to perform some good old-fashioned hoeostifizing. He had to break Cruise down like Jesus. Beat'em down like Ike did Tina. Put the smackdown on his candy ass. You know what I'm saying.
I heard that Ken Lay just died. He's the dude who lied and cheated the mighty Enron company into bankruptcy, him and that Skilling dude.
I feel sorry for my favorite weatherman, Tom Skilling, who will always have his surname linked to the public betrayal that was Enron. But I know how he might feel, having lying, shiftless alcoholics and crackheads for family members myself. You just can't shake that shame.
Here's hoping Lay is burning in Hell right now. But I doubt it. Because I heard that God is a loving God. He isn't a judge anymore like he was in the olden times. Instead, he's like a father, perpetually whupping the sense into our asses on a daily basis. And that's why we don't burn when we die. Instead, we go back to Him who created us, and we sit at his feet awaiting the time when we will all be judged. And when that day comes, I hope that Lay burns in the Lake Of Fire.
I know it's not my place to say that. It's not even my place to ask. But everyday, it brings pain to my heart to know that not everything will be made right in the end. It pisses me off to know that I will never have justice. And dammit, I want justice. I want for the adversaries of all men to face justice, and be condemned. And unfortunately, that may not be the goal of the Almighty.
My little cousin asked me recently why evil people stay rich, and good people stay poor? And I had to be truthful. Evil people prosper in this world because their god, Satan, is an active God. He brings riches to those that act on his principles. You don't even have to believe in him. All you have to be is a lying, hateful, piece of crap, and Satan will reward you. The devil layers the ground in gold before all those that live in his way. His gifts are instant.
And a righteous man's God gives him nothing but hope. He lets his people be tested constantly to prove their worthiness. A righteous man may lose both an eye and a limb, and still never see the sights of heaven, because of the fact that he is always flawed and full of sin. God's only instant reward is freedom, the freedom to live as you please, even if that way of living might lead you to ultimate death.
And that's why I have no sympathy for men like Ken Lay, men who have so squandered the gift of freedom and liberty that was bestowed by the Almighty upon all men, who took the faith that his fellow man, his employees, put in him, to lead them all to prosperity, and used it to fatten his own pockets. And like a good "god," Satan has rewarded this bastard with nothing less than Death.
So now, Ken Lay will not have to spend a day in jail. And the millions that could've been pulled out of his ass will probably never be collected. And therefore, his employees, and the public, all who were cheated of millions, will never see justice. There will never be retribution. And once again, events in this world have turned my soul one shade more of blue, from the chill I get from being shortened once again by the passive nature of the universe.
I was watching the Today Show before I got out and went to work. They had this chick who was doing some speech for her graduation. She had been kicked off stage by the school authorities for mentioning Jesus and crap.
At first I was down for the cause because I felt she should be able to speak her mind if no one told her not too. But then the truth came out. Apparently the top folks at the school had told her not to talk all that Jesus crap at the graduation. They had even edited out that crap in her speech. And before she spoke, they told her if she did mention that Jesus crap, they would cut off her microphone and end the speech right there. But she went ahead anyway. And they yanked her off. Now she wants to sue.
Her parents were on with her. They said that they got some lawyers together and were going to sue the school. They made it a point to say that they were not suing for monetary gain. Instead, they wanted to set precedent. I probably shouldn't have a problem with the whole affair, but I do.
I keep hearing people mention "Freedom of Speech." People seem to believe Freedom of Speech means that you can say whatever you want to say whenever you want to say it. And I guess you can. But people never seem to understand that Freedom of Speech comes with consequences. You can say whatever you want to say whenever, but don't expect neutral or positive responses all the time. Sometimes opening your mouth will lead to negative reactions.
Let's say this young girl was giving a presentation at her job. And let's say her employer told her beforehand not to mention religion or politics in her speech, that mentioning these things could alienate some of their customers. And this young girl decided anyway to start talking about her love for Jesus, and her love for the Republican party, and her hatred of homosexuals. Would you expect this young woman not to be reprehanded, or worse, fired? I would.
Sure, she should have the right to say whatever she wants to say. But she should also learn that she can't expect to be able to say whatever she wants whenever and not be confronted with negative reprecusssions. There are places where you must conform your speech, your dress, your attitude, your manner. I can wear what ever I want, but I shouldn't expect certain employers to hire me if I come to interviews in ripped up jeans and dirty white t-shirts.
This young woman was warned to keep her speech religion free, or her microphone would be turned off. They didn't threaten to sue her, or keep her from her graduation, or even keep her from speaking altogether. She could have given this speech after the graduation, maybe to to a close knit set of friends and family. And I'm sure it would have been well received.
Instead, she decided to give this speech while representing her classmates, the school and the school system. She wasn't just speaking on her own behalf, she was speaking for her entire class. And she was told to keep her speech neutral, so that she might represent not just the majority, but the one or two in the minority that might be in her class. And instead, she decided to piss on that honor and on her classmates, all because her rights to say whatever she wanted meant more than their right to have a decent graduation. Dumb bitch.
For that, that makes this chick, one ignorant little Jesus Freak.
I've been watching the NBA Finals the past couple of days. And I'd like to state right now that I hope that the Miami Heat win. In fact, they must win, if only to preserve the liberty and honor our forefathers gave to us over 400 years ago, that is, the liberty they gave to their fellow white devils, but that's a tale for another time.
Well, why must the Heat win? It definitely isn't because I like the Heat. I could give a crap about the Heat. They live in Miami with all the hot Latinas, and all the good weather. Plus, they got Disney World. They don't need a championship. The truth is, the main reason they should win is so Shaq can win a title before Kobe. And why must that be? Because, simply put, I HATE KOBE BRYANT.
If Kobe didn't have his little tantrum a few years ago, the Lakers might've won a couple of more championships. But instead, the rapist decided to act a fool and make Jerry Buss choose between an aging Shaquille O'Neal, and a youthful, still in his prime, Kobe Bryant. Of course, Buss made the dumb move and choose Kobe, killing off most of the players on the roster, and forcing Phil Jackson to break out. And where has that left the Lakers? Down in the dirt.
O'Neal, being the genius that he is (joke), went out and found himself another Kobe Bryant, a more youthful Kobe, one that didn't rape white girls, and get his fellow teammates fired. And where has that move left Shaq-Doodie? Back in the finals, one win away from winning it all.
And that makes Shaq better than Bryant. And that's why the Heat have to win it all. There's too much riding on this. Shaq has to be the first to win a title without Kobe, because if it's the other way around, we all could have on our hands a massive little problem.
If Kobe were to win first, I could just see his head getting bigger, literally, with him going across the really white parts of this country and raping all the pretty little white girls. There's Kansas, and Utah, maybe Montana, Idaho, and back to Colorado. All across the great parts of this holy nation where the pretty little Christian white girls reside, I can see Kobe and his big giant head going all Mike Tyson on a white girl, splitting that whitebread, and dumping his filthy foreign-bred evilness into the breadbasket of all that is right and great in this great nation we call America.
I ask you, do you truly want this?
And that's why, unfortunately, the Dallas Mavericks have to throw the series. They have to find a way to lose to the inferior Heat. Cuban has to learn that the well-being of the nation's white woman is more important than his pride. He has to learn that it's okay to lose when losing means winning in the long run.
And winning means Shaq gets to rub it in Kobe's face.
It's the End of Days, starring that dude that plays Sonny Corinthos, and that chick who posed naked in Playboy while she was pregnant. The storyline works on the same lines as Passions. I've only seen an episode or two of that show, but from the commercials I see occasionally, Passions is one wacky show.
The show would be about this kid who was born in 2002, who just happens to be the reincarnation of the devil. Now, you say, "Why 2002?" Well, many researchers believe that the day 6-6-6 has already passed. Apparently the person who redid the calendar we now go by messed up big time. He was off by four years, at least. So, the real June 6, 2006 probably happened in 2002.
So, all the mothers worrying about their child being born on June 6, 2006 at six o'clock needn't worry because that day has already passed. The mothers that need to be worrying are the ones who babies were born four years ago, because one of those babies my actually be the reincarnation of the AntiChrist.
And doing some research, I found out who that baby was and will be. Performing several mathematical computations, and speaking with several professional psychics, I've come to the conclusion that the devil is none other than... Wait, I was told never to speak his name or place his name in print. If I did, I'd die an unspeakable death. So, instead, let's just say that he's well known, and his face is plastered on billboards all across the world.
In the next 10 to 20 years, he will run for president and win. He will establish relations with most of our nation's enemies. Within four years, he will reestablish the United Nations, and in another four, he will take the top post at the agency. Over the next 10 years, the United Nations will take over control of most of the world's military and currency. Within the next 5 years, he will go to war with the United States and burn our great nation to the ground. Two years later, the United States will be yet another providence in the new government of the United Nations of Earth, or the UNE.
The UNE will become one of the greatest governments ever on Earth. The economy will flourish, and there will be no more homelessness or unemployment. There will be no more nation conflicts and wars. And the world will be at peace for the next century, at least until the child from the reincarnated devil is born on Earth. This child will take the place of his father and be held as one of greatest leaders on Earth. And the peace will continue until the Messiah returns. And then, as it has been written, all hell will break loose on Earth, aka Armageddon
It's the End of Days, starring that dude that plays Sonny Corinthos, and that chick who posed naked in Playboy while she was pregnant. The storyline works on the same lines as Passions. I've only seen an episode or two of that show, but from the commercials I see occasionally, Passions is one wacky show.
The show would be about this kid who was born in 2002, who just happens to be the reincarnation of the devil. Now, you say, "Why 2002?" Well, many researchers believe that the day 6-6-6 has already passed. Apparently the person who redid the calendar we now go by messed up big time. He was off by four years, at least. So, the real June 6, 2006 probably happened in 2002.
So, all the mothers worrying about their child being born on June 6, 2006 at six o'clock needn't worry because that day has already passed. The mothers that need to be worrying are the ones who babies were born four years ago, because one of those babies my actually be the reincarnation of the AntiChrist.
And doing some research, I found out who that baby was and will be. Performing several mathematical computations, and speaking with several professional psychics, I've come to the conclusion that the devil is none other than... Wait, I was told never to speak his name or place his name in print. If I did, I'd die an unspeakable death. So, instead, let's just say that he's well known, and his face is plastered on billboards all across the world.
In the next 10 to 20 years, he will run for president and win. He will establish relations with most of our nation's enemies. Within four years, he will reestablish the United Nations, and in another four, he will take the top post at the agency. Over the next 10 years, the United Nations will take over control of most of the world's military and currency. Within the next 5 years, he will go to war with the United States and burn our great nation to the ground. Two years later, the United States will be yet another providence in the new government of the United Nations of Earth, or the UNE.
The UNE will become one of the greatest governments ever on Earth. The economy will flourish, and there will be no more homelessness or unemployment. There will be no more nation conflicts and wars. And the world will be at peace for the next century, at least until the child from the reincarnated devil is born on Earth. This child will take the place of his father and be held as one of greatest leaders on Earth. And the peace will continue until the Messiah returns. And then, as it has been written, all hell will break loose on Earth, aka Armageddon
To continue on my fact finding mission on Jews and drugs, I found out something interesting: Jesus was a weed head. I honestly had no idea that Jesus, the King of the Jews, was into weed. But apparently he was. I guess this is why those Rastafarians smoke all that herb. They're following in the ways of the Messiah. And who can say if they're wrong.
Take the following fine spices: 500 shekels of liquid myrrh, half as much of fragrant cinnamon, 250 shekels of qaneh-bosm, 500 shekels of cassia--all according to the sanctuary shekel--and a hind of olive oil. Make these into a sacred anointing oil
I did a search on Google about Jesus and drugs, and the first hit I got was from this Marijuana website. And you could tell the potheads were proud of Jesus being a weed head because the next couple of listings on Google were about the same thing, Jesus and the Apostles using cannabis. I guess in their minds, if Jesus used it, it must be okay for everyone else to use it.
But how did the potheads come to this conclusion. It all stems from some old Bible translations. Some dude found out that kanehbosm might mean cannibas. Scholars used to think it meant calamus, which is another plant, when used in high dosages, that can cause hallucinogenic effects. So, however it's translated, Jesus was on something.
Back in the day, Moses was told by God to pull together some cinnamon, some olive oil, some myrrh, some cassia (which is like cinnamon), and some weed, and mix it all together to make the great holy anoiting oil. The holy folks would rub this stuff on their bodies so that they could get closer to God, or as we say in modern times, get effed up.
They'd get off on this psychoactive high when the cannibas would be absorbed into the system through the skin. So, they'd be high and they'd smell all nice and stuff all at the same. In fact, one of Jesus's first miracles was to turn water into wine in the city where weed was thought to be popularly grown. Some even speculate that the new wine that Jesus created there during his first miracle was actually something similar to Coca-Cola, only this time we'll call it Weed Kool-Aid, which can only be concluded to mean that Jesus liked to party.
Some find this information disturbing, but I don't see why. We already know that Jesus was a winehead. He loved to drink. Why else would he turn perfectly good water into "wine." Did the people honestly need wine right then and there? So what, the wine had run out. You mean to tell me that the people couldn't celebrate at a wedding without alchohol present? The fact that Jesus would "waste" his godly powers on making wine has to tell you that Jesus wasn't a stranger to getting liquored up. So, it shouldn't be anymore surprising that Jesus loved to rub his self down with some weed oil. And who can blame him. The dude loved staying in touch with Himself (Because the Father is the Son is the Holy Ghost), just like me.
And therefore several questions must be asked: why should modern man be denied the same tools Jesus and his Apostles used when they wanted to get in touch with the Great One? Why hasn't the church accepted the rites and rituals that their ancestors used? Why is it illegal for me and my peoples to be anointed just as the Messiah was?
Somebody tell me why it ain't right for me to get weeded and liquored like my savior? At least on the weekends. I gotta have the weekends. Praise the Lord.
Today was a hell of a day. It was good. And it was great. And it was scary. All in the same day. It felt so good because I feel so close. And it felt so scary because I'm so fucked up.
I had a job interview about a week ago. And it looks like I might actually get this big shot bullshit job. Only thing standing in my way is me. Because now, two of my references, and someone I'm cool with at one of my old jobs, have all told me that they've been getting those background check calls, having lengthy ass conversations about my character. And that's where the shit goes to hell.
Because I'm an asshole. I'm like that dude on that show called My Name is Earl, except I haven't won the lottery, and I could give a shit about karma. Plus, my ex chick ain't as hot as his white woman. Damn, you lookin' good Jaime. I'm still at the Earl stage before he went straight. I'm not a thief or anything like he was on the show, but I have done a lot of bullshit I'm not proud of, shit I'll never be able to live down. Sorry, mama. And that's why I get worried with those background checks. They usually come up clean if they just stick to arrest records and shit. But when they get into credit checks, and actually talking to people I've probably fucked over once or twice in my lifetime is where the problems start.
Because on a resume, you can pretty much put whatever crap you wanna on that shit, bullshit awards that you could give a shit about, somewhat true statements about your efficiency and skills, bullshit about how great you performed some bullshit task you can't halfway remember doing. And it's cool, because all you do in an interview is bullshit your way through that resume over and over again, giving that audience examples of how you did bullshit, and how people responded to how you did that bullshit.
Take fucking beyotches up the ass for example. Yeah, it's overkill. And I'm trying too hard. But let's take fuckin beyotches up the ass, shall we. On your resume, it might have: Proficiency in inserting penis in anal cavity that had a 98% response in climax. And in that interview you might go: well, I do extremely well when fucking beyotches up the ass. Take this beyotch, Sandy. Sandy had a big fat ass. It was one of those asses that you fucked, but never actually looked at. Because if you looked directly at her ass, you probably would be grossed out. So, when you were about to fuck her, you'd keep your head up, and feel your dick blindly around her nether regions hoping to hit the right hole. Although, to be truthful, any hole in a beyotch is the right hole, but you get what I'm saying.
Anyway, I searched my dick around down there and happen to hit the booty hole rather than the cootchie hole. These are clinical terms. Now, the thing is, I really was aiming for the booty hole. So, when I hit it, I was happy. And after like, what, maybe, two minutes, I busted a nut and I was out. And I could tell that from the look on her face when she turned around, she was happy as well. In fact, she was so happy that she took me out to Red Lobster afterwards, and paid for everything. Now that's what I call gratitude. So, to me that meant another satisfied customer.
See. That's how you put that shit in action, so to speak. So, although people get fucked up about the whole interview part, it's really the background check that's the big shit, at least for brothers like me. Because if you're human, you got shit in the closet. Most of the time, people won't find out about that shit, but you never know. You see it with them dumb politicians. Shit they've kept hidden for fifteen million years, all of a sudden, during their dream job, shit gets leaked and their fuckin' careers are over. I don't want none of that shit for me. My bones need to stay buried.
Plus, there's at least a job or two where you know they couldn't stand you when you left. I always wonder what the fuck those assholes are saying about me. Oh, Ronny, I think he was a crack head. I heard rumors that he used to give blow jobs to the transvestites out back in the alley. He's also lazy and shiftless, wouldn't know work if he saw it. We think he's a complete jackass around here. Assholes.
Don't fuck it up for me. I swear to God, none of that bullshit that I did back in 2000 when I was doing dumb shit like dating white women better not come back to kick me in the rear. Please Baby Jesus, don't let them assholes fuck me over. You know a brother gotta gets paid. Please, keep them devilish assholes from saying bad things about me. Please don't let the background checkers find out all the bullshit I told them was complete bullshit.
I know I'm a lying piece of shit who can't help being a deceitful piece of dirt, but please don't let my babies suffer for it, Jesus. Yeah, I know I ain't got no babies now Lord, but when I do, I know you'll want them to be fed and be clothed and be happy. So, don't let me stay poor. I hate being poor. Please, Baby Jesus. Fight the Power. Negro gotta roll in some heavy dough for once. Just for once. I promise I'll go straight if you let me win this one time.
Please.
