Recently in International Category

Alicia Machado was the chick who won the 1996 Miss Universe, and after she won, she got all fat and greasy. Donald Trump, who had bought the rights to the show, wasn't down for that one bit. So, he made her juicy butt get up on a treadmill and work that fat off her back. And he made her fat butt do it all in front of America. If she didn't lose the weight, she would lose her title.

Now that's a pimp for you.

Makes a man like me wanna respect a dude like that. Just look at the women he gets to bang. And it can't be because of his hot body, or handsome face, or winning personality, because as we all know, he has none of that. It's his dough. And he knows it. And we know it, because he's told us so hundreds of times. He had NBC put a show on the air just so he could parade around how rich and successful he is. And this year, he put his hot daughter on the show just to show the world what kind of genes his boys have been mixing with. And for that, I wish he was my white daddy. I love you fake white daddy.

But getting back to Machado. She eventually lost the weight and kept her title. But after her reign, I have no idea what she's been doing. I think she went back to whatever country she came from down in Latin America. I think she's from Venezuela. Ain't that the same country where this dude was trying to sell cheap gas to people in middle America? I think he was the president or something. But I think they only have dictators down there, dictators and skinny bulimic women.

I hear that beauty pageants are like a sport down there. People watch beauty pageants like we watch the Super Bowl. Not that I can see myself taking anything from that, because these are the same people that go wild over soccer. And as any American can tell you, soccer sucks.

Now, if it had fighting in it like hockey, maybe us filthy Americans might give a damn, but I hear the only fighting that goes on at a soccer game is up in the stands with the patrons. They get all horny and liquored up looking at those half naked soccer chicks who flash at the drop of a dime. And we go crazy over Janet Jackson's pierced nips. Crazy.

But, again, back to Machado. I've seen her a couple of times on Univision, or Telemundo, or Futurama, or whatever the hell's the name of that third spanish language network.

I read she was on a Big Brother-type show, one where they get people to hang out in a house together, and they tape them. I've only seen the first season of the American version of the show. And it was a little bit too boring for me to get into. But apparently it's a success all over the world. Foreigners must love watching other people do dumb boring shit all the time. I guess that's why they're foreigners and not Americans.