Super-Villain Style

Don’t worry. No more Franklin for the time being. In fact, I think that’s my last Franklin picture. So, you won’t be seeing his image around here. Although, I think I might just pitch that show to a major network. Of course, I’d have to change the name of it, seeing as most of Hollywood is filled with a bunch of greedy bastards, and I’d most likely see a lawsuit from Opie, even though my Franklin, although based on his Franklin, would be a totally different Franklin when I’d finish developing the show. Funny how that goes. When Opie needs people like me giving a little shine to one of his failing shows, it’s all good, take what you want, use Franklin all you want. But when I make Franklin big, it’s all like, where’s my money at, brother.

So, without Franklin to fall back on, I find myself stuck. I could either not post, or talk about Blue Beetle getting a cap in his head at the end of DC Countdown, or bitch majorly over the Batman books bringing back Jason Todd, after, of course, he’s been beaten senseless by the Joker and is left for dead in a warehouse where Joker sets a timed bomb to explode.

Afterwards, Batman sees the explosion, pulls the dying body out, and Jason Todd dies in his arms. Now I’m supposed to believe that somehow this little bastard survived that shit. Completely unreal. You have the greatest detective ever with a dead body in his arms, and for some reason, he has no clue that the body is dead. My guess is that they’re gonna pull some supernatural voodoo out of the woodworks, or some weird fuckin’ serum that brings dead bodies back to life. It’s gonna be some dumb shit. Which is why I probably need to stop reading comic books.

Although, I have been getting hyped up over this Infinite Crisis stuff. I figure that they wouldn’t use Crisis unless they were going to reference that Infinite Earths crap from the 80s. And the big story everyone is looking forward to is Batman versus the Justice League. Batman is pissed off that some of the Leaguers mind wiped him, and knowing Batman, that dude wants serious retribution. Of course, with pretty much all of these major comic book crossovers, there will be overkill. I just don’t see myself picking up these side issues like OMAC or Villains United. Although the Villains title might have been decent if there were more than one A-list villain, namely, Lex Luthor. The rest of those dudes I barely even know. And most of these books will probably suck anyway. But I can’t deny that crossover fever has hit the comic book world, and DC has done a pretty decent job so far on the initial start.

Stupid Comic Frames
Stupid Comic Covers

Yeah, I’m a thief. But this time I’ll give credit: relski

Superman is a Dick

Just like me.

Before I start my shitty ass review, here’s a Weblog Award update: The 2005 Bloggie Awards

Oh course, I still got no love. Effed this weblog shit. Still, vote if you feel like it.

Second. What made my day was when I hit that Hip-hop Site news bookmark link and found out that Portishead is working on a new album. 2005 could actually be a pretty good year in music.

Now onto my review of Wolverine, issue number 24. This is some of the best Wolverine storytelling that has been done in ages. The character had become cliched and overdone, appearing in more Marvel books than you can think of. It was Wolverine overkill. And then this Enemy of the State shit pops up.

Pretty much, Wolverine is killed by the Hand and resurrected. He is forced through the resurrection to become a assassin for an offshoot of the organization headed by Baron Von Strucker, pretty much like Elektra was forced to do before him. In fact, Elektra is featured pretty prominantly in the story arc, but we’ll get to that later. Wolverine’s new goal after death is to be a super-powered hitman, going after other super-powered heroes so that they can be turned by the Hand through resurrection. Along the way, Wolverine dabbles in corporate espionage and begins stealing secrets from Tony Starks Enterprises and the Fantastic Four. For what reason, we have no clue. But the master plan is revealed in this issue.

As the last issue ended, we come to believe that Daredevil is the next super-powered target. And with this issue, the battle begins. And that’s when this shit gets good. Because John Romita Jr is drawing this shit, and he’s the second, or possibly, third best artist ever to draw Daredevil. The first being Frank Miller. I would also give props to David Mazzucchelli, who also did Batman: Year One.

I really loved that shit Simonson and Romita cooked up in the late 80s or early 90s, that Thyphoid Mary shit. And now, with this issue, Romita Jr, one of my all time favorites, returns to draw Daredevil in another classic. Some people hate his minimalist backgrounds and his cartoony looking characters, but that’s what makes his shit special. Plus, he always draws the seams in the costumes. His boots always have the look and weight of boots, and don’t look like just some socks. It’s little shit like that that makes Romita Jr. one of the best in the industry. So, stop hating on the master. And this issue here is classic Romita Jr, shit, all cinematic to boot.

The issue centers around two combats, one between Wolverine and Daredevil, and the other between Elektra and some new dude named Gorgon, or some shit like that. Elektra has been on Wolverine’s trail since day one, working for Nick Fury and SHIELD in the hopes of capturing Wolverine before he does any real damage. And Gorgon is the dude who intially kills Wolverine. Apparently his mutant power is some lame if he looks at you he can kill you shit. Anyway, we initially come to believe that the actually target is Daredevil, but as the story plays along we finally understand that what the Hand really wanted was their old assasin, Elektra. And when Gorgon takes off his sunglasses, that boy can’t fail. So, you should get the drift how this shit ends.

Anyway, Wolverine accidentally impales himself. And before being transported back to the Hand for repairs, he regains control of himself and reveals to Daredevil that he really wasn’t the actual target. He also tells Daredevil of a plan to kill the Potus, who we discover is shorthand for the President of the United States (I can see that some of you are already wishing Wolverine was real). Anyway, once we learn the big target is the president, and the Hand not only has Wolverine, but Elektra, well, you can only guess how this shit ends. But I wouldn’t want to be the president in the Marvel Universe right now because it kind of seems that you’re sort of fucked. Some over the top letdown shit can only come next.

Stories like this always have that letdown final chapter, because no resolution can ever live up to the tension created in the earlier issues. But I’m hoping this isn’t the case for Enemy of the State. I don’t know how Millar, the dude writing this classic shit, and Romita are gonna end this shit, but I’m hoping beyond all hopes that it’ll live up to the hype. I mean they actually got a brother looking forward to the next issue. Here’s hoping that Millar and Romita stick around on Wolverine for some time to come. Because this is some of the best action packed comic book storytelling that I’ve read in ages. This shit is that good. And Wolverine hasn’t looked better in ages.

Man Without Fear.com

Almost effed up already. One day into this shit, and I almost effed my new plan up. I guess I should make up for it by putting out something special. But I got nothing special. I got nothing. Except that today was a really weird day.

Went to a funeral. And at the funeral somebody had a heart attack and died. Ain’t that some weird shit. They didn’t die at the funeral. But they did die eventually, like thirty minutes or so from when I post this shit. I consider that weird, or maybe something, something I don’t have the words for.

I was too busy wallowing in my own grief to give a shout out to Will Eisner. Not the grief of the funeral. It was some other bullshit grief. Because Eisner died a couple days after the new year. Dude created one of the coolest comic book characters around, The Spirit.

I first read several Spirit stories when I was a kid, at the library, no doubt. I was searching for comics, out of the hell of it, I guess. You know, seeing if the library even had shit like that. And I ran across a hardbound copy of several Spirit stories, something like a compilation, I assume. For some reason I remember that shit. Cause I also read some comic book story called Barefoot Gen, I think that’s the name of it, a book about some Japanese kid around Hiroshima. I think it was a before and after type tale. I definitely remember the weird manga style drawings of decaying skin and maggots on live people still walking around, dudes that had gotten effed up by the blast.

When I heard that Eisner died, that was the main thing I remembered, the maggots in a live man’s decaying flesh.

I don’t know. Maybe I’m fucked up.

Will Eisner Dies
Another Bio

Will Eisner Official Site
Spirit Database

Condolences
Tribute Art

Spirit Images

Rare Beatles Christmas Recordings
DC Countdown

Sources tell CBR News that numerous titles already in publication play in to the events of DC Countdown. “Adam Strange,” “Teen Titans,” “JSA” were three of the books mentioned where current and future storylines lead in to “DC Countdown.” And according to our own Rich Johnston, his sources indicate this story leads into a “Crisis 2″ series of some sort.In the solicitation text for “DC Countdown” released today, the only clues given were that each story in the book “follows a member of the JLA through a mystery that touches on nearly every character in the DCU” and that it “is an essential project that features nearly every major character operating in the DC Universe. It’s a project that will resonate for months to come and is a perfect jumping-on point for readers who’ve been wondering where the people who helped deliver ‘Identity Crisis’ could possibly be going next.”

Turning a Crisis Into A Drama

The Crisis 2 saga continues. Written by Geoff Johns, drawn by Phil Jiminez, it appears that “Identity Crisis” and other events across the DC Universe will provide plot points that will all tie into next summer’s extravaganza at DC. Look for a number of books to start kicking things off.An early indicator will be in the “Adam Strange” series. Keep your eyes open over there for something that will kick off Crisis 2… whether in the book, or on a spinoff series entitled “The Rann/Thangar War.”

I’m told other events contributing to the overall revamping and adrenaline injection of the DC Universe include “Day of Vengance,” “Villains United” and “Amazons Attack.”

And recently in an issue of “Teen Titans” written by Geoff Johns, Batman (The Adult Tim Drake) mentions a crisis that happened not long after the Titans got sucked into the future.

Comix Vault
Spidermedia
OniPress: Free Comics
Elektra Assassin

Holy monkey crap, Batman. Three posts in one day. I’m on fire in this beyotch.

Anyway. Check out the new edition of ImageText. They’re focusing on silver age DC characters and comics. With a nice comic book art exhibit and some decent character and comic book backgrounds. You can even download the catalog of crap in pdf form.

Help is on the Way

I’m out until whenever.

Check out the 2004 Weblog Awards starting sometime tonight. Of course no one from these parts were nominated.
Filthy bastards!

Remember when your mama used to try to make you believe that that same crappy hamburger she made at home was comparable to a Big Mac. Yeah. I know Eddie Murphy did this shit first. Just that I went to McDonald’s recently. And I couldn’t believe how crappy the food tasted. Was a Big Mac always this filthy nasty, with that vomit tasting special sauce on it. I mean, that burger made me wanna puke. These two dry patties with cheese and stale nasty bread with that god awful sauce. That’s toilet food for me. No wonder I crapped it out two hours later. And that Big N Tasty ain’t much better. Only thing that made it bearable was that cheese they put on it. Trust me. Cheese makes everything taste better.

I normally would go on a tangent about cheese right here, but I won’t. Because I just don’t feel like it. I like cheese, but I really don’t feel like talking about it. I pretty much put cheese on everything, except maybe fries. I don’t put anything on fries, not even ketchup. Why do some people spell ketchup, C-A-T-S-U-P. I always wondered that. Is it a different product than ketchup. It might be. I don’t know. Anyway.

I had a frozen pizza recently. And man did that suck, too. It was this greasy nasty buttery thing on hard rock dough. It was filthy, too. Same goes for hot dogs, all kinds, and hot pockets. I had a cheese steak hot pocket and that shit tasted like bile in pig fat. This was some nasty shit. Unfortunately, I had to have three or four more of those things before I could figure that out.

What the hell is wrong with fast food these days. It used to be that you could stop off at that burger joint and get something decent. These days, nothing these franchise boys sell is comparable. Or maybe it never was. Maybe I just didn’t know what good food tasted like when I was younger. Maybe I had to grow up to figure out what I had been eating all along was crap.

New Download:

Playboy had a nice article about original comic book art. You can download a zipped version of it here. They’re jpegs, and you might have to hit the zoom to read the text. Or rename the zips to cbz and read them with CDisplay.

Diana is a future spouse abuser.

I’ve heard it from sources. She was raised to really hate men, on some big lesbian island out in the Pacific or Atlantic, or some other big large body of water.

Only thing is, Diana isn’t straight lesbian. She’s bi-lesbian. When she sees a really strong man she wants to mount, it just really turns her on. Only thing is, her upbringing won’t let that strong man get the upper hand. No missionary for her. If she ain’t on top, she ain’t havin’ it. And that just turns me on.

I wouldn’t be able to resist a woman like Diana. I’m all about take-charge woman who won’t let me get anything over on’em. I think that’s because I’m a complete goofball, who’s like a little kid trapped in a grown man’s body. I’m fucked up. If I didn’t have a woman around telling me what to, when to pay the bills, what to get when shopping, what to buy at the clothing store, what to wear out to what event, I’d be outside like a homeless dude, eating out of a garbage can, with nerdy ass Where’s Waldo sweaters and Old Navy slacks on.

And I’d be completely wasted on weed or some other shit. It’s in my genes. My genes predetermine that I’m gonna continually fuck up. That shit comes from my father, you asshole. My ol man’s like that Papa was a Rolling Stone song. I got siblings I ain’t even met yet, and wouldn’t be able to pick out if I saw’em on the streets. And all my male relatives are either alchoholics or crack heads. That’s why I fight that shit with a strong dose of over bearing estrogen.

You get a woman who’ll treat you like shit, and force you to do only bullshit she wants to do, and will by force of will control every aspect of your entire life, you’re halfway there to living past 80. Trust me. It’s in them fuckin’ medical journals. And that’s why it’s important for fuck up guys like me to have hot pieces of man hating chicks like Diana at our side and in our beds. It keeps the forces of nature at balance.

I swear if I had a woman like Diana I’d do nothing but obey her and treat her right. Rub baby oil on her bottom. Eat chicken off her belly. Diana is the woman for me. She’d go off to work, work hard for me, do right by me, and I’d stay home and keep the house clean, cook veggie-type food for her, make her feel special. Because that would be my job. Have a glass of Nighttrain ready for her when she comes in, message her booty, I mean her back and shoulders, rub her feet, put some crappy smooth jazz on the sound system. Trust me. I’d do right by her.

And I’d accept that she’d have to beat my ass every once and a while. You know, get them daily aggressions out. She hates men, but she loves me. She’d have to beat me. But I’d know that she would also love me down later. And I’d accept it. Because I know she loves me and wants the best for me.

We’d go visit her lesbo sisters on the isle every once and a while. They’d rub on me, some secretly coming to visit me for some late night creep. Diana might even invite one or two of them for some hot sex back at the pad. It would be sweet. They’d make hot sex with me. Then, in the morning, feeling disgusted that they let a lowlife like me get some over on’em, they’d treat me like dirt, call me names, smack me around, treat me like shit.

In fact, during the sex they’d treat me like shit. Smack me on the ass, punch me in the face, give me a blow job, sit on my face, kick me in the ass, bite my nuggets, pull my hair, twist my nipples, piss in my face, call me a beyotch. Eventually they’d pull out the anal beads and go to work on me. By the morning, I’d be wet, and sticky, and funky, and all fucked up. And that would be a good thing.

What’s that McDonalds jingle, I’m Lovin’ It. Well, I’m lovin’ it. That would be the life for me, safe and snug, and happy in the protective embrace of my really hot Amazon-type chick.

I tell you peoples, what could be wrong with that?

Huh?

Wonder Woman
Suffering Sappho
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