Super-Villain Style

Siskel and Ebert

First Annual Weed Carriers Awards

Nero Digital Audio

I’ve been checking my stats again. Either I missed it, but I can now see ip and domain information. And everything isn’t just 10 levels deep as I stated earlier. Some of my stats go 20 to 100 places deep. Maybe I just missed all this crap the other day, or maybe my stats had to be tracked for more than a day or two.

Second thing I noticed is that I get a lot of hits from Los Angeles. Over two percent of my site’s hits come from there. Another one percent comes from San Francisco. The best I can tell is that a lot of Mexicans and gays love my site, especially the gays. Now that doesn’t mean my site is gay or anything, because my site is muy macho. Chicks get pregnant after visiting my site. My site’s been known to beat the hell out of a visitor just for snoring too loud. So, my site is definitely not gay. Plus, I think the gays and Mexicans are checking out the site for those Jessica Alba pictures. I can understand the Mexicans, but I don’t get the gays. Maybe they think Alba’s a transsexual or something. Who knows.

The other thing I noticed is that my second highest level of clicks come from Iran, the Republic of Tehran to be exact. I definitely don’t get why they’re coming to the site. I wish there was a way to tell what pages those Iranian are hitting. It scares the hell out of me not knowing, because I’ve been known to talk smack about a Middle Easterner or two. Dudes might read my crap and decide to declare jihad on my ass.

But who knows, maybe I shouldn’t be scared. Hell, maybe they’re just checking out my Ayatollah appreciation page. I set that page up to show my appreciation for all things Iranian. I can’t tell you how much I love me some Khomeini. That’s my negro. And I really love how the Iranians like building up their nuclear weapons capabilities. That’s national pride there. If you can’t take out a couple of hundred million with one strike, you shouldn’t even call yourself a country, homie.

And who am I to judge them for wanting to wipe Israel off the face of the Earth. It ain’t like they’re the first ones to think of it. And hey, I don’t like Britain either. If your fine government decided to drop some waste on those European hillibillies, I wouldn’t complain. Only thing they’re good for are naked breasts and dry humor. And I can live without the latter.

I wonder what analytics means. Whatever it is, I’m loving it.

I’ve been using Google Analytics for over the past two days, and I’m really liking what I see. I’m glad I signed up with two different e-mail addresses. Now I have an extra invitation code to use. I wonder if someone can use it with another e-mail address.

I currently have at least four different site tracking tools installed on the site. I’m trying to see which one I like the best. The site tracking logs that come with my server are informative, but I have no way of really understanding what all that crap means. It’s too much information. I only use it to see how much bandwidth I’ve used in the current month, and what file or page might be hogging all those gigabytes.

Another site tool I use is a plug-in to my MovableTypes installation called StatWatch. StatWatch tracks every blog that’s part of the primary installation. It will also track rss readers through Feedburner. It’s pretty decent, and could be a decent in-house replacement for Sitemeter. The only thing I dislike is that the creator of the plug-in removed ip information. I liked seeing ip information, especially my own. I was weirded out once when I saw my jobs corporate address in the listings, until I figured out that it was probably me when I was doing a little maintenance on the site at work

If anyone ever notices that muti-colored box down in the right hand corner, they’ll recognize that I also use Sitemeter. Sitemeter is good for knowing exactly how many visitors and page views a site gets in a day. I also like seeing each individual referrer link, and what page they touchdowned on. I use Sitemeter to check when someone has visited, like a fellow blogger. Or I use it to see if someone has clicked a link to my site from another site.

When I couldn’t originally get into Google Analytics, I started using this thing called Performancing Metrics. These guys have this cool extension for Firefox where you can write blog posts right in your browser. I used it for a couple of months before I went back to w.bloggar when it was recently updated. The special thing about Performancing Metrics is that it checks ad and comment clicks. My site doesn’t get a lot of comments, but I do like knowing how adsense is working, and possibly from what pages I’m getting click-thrus. Unfortunately, Google Adsense isn’t all that informative when it comes to tracking clicks through adsense. All Adsense shows is the number of clicks in a day, and what domain or page it may have come from, and that’s only if you enter that page or domain in their channel listing.

Google Analytics seems to be the best of all these. Most of the site statistics are in the form of pictures and graphs showing the number of visitors, page views, and individual pages a site gets. You can set up different profiles for the different sites you want to track. I think the top number of profiles is five.

You can also set up goals, which I assume would be used for e-commerce sites, those with shopping carts, where someone could track sells from merchandise page hits to shopping cart sells conversions. I don’t see myself using the goals feature because I have none. But I’m sure if i was selling a product, maybe on ebay or something, I could possibly use it to track how many people jump from my domain sells page to the ebay page. i don’t know. I’ve only been using it for two days. I’ll think of a way to use it.

Only thing I dislike about Analytics is that most of the information only goes ten levels deep, meaning that information about the top ten pages are displayed, and the rest gets lumped into “Other.” I wish there was a way to display that other information. I also wish I could see ip information through this site as well. I understand the need for privacy, but I still like seeing this information. Instead, all ip information gets lumped into groups like Cable/DSL, Corporate and Dial-up.

But for now, those are my only gripes. I’ll probably find others the more I use it, but for now, I’m quite happy being one of the lucky ones to be let in.

I guess I have to come up with my own content now. Lazy Bastard. Can’t think of anything, can you? Nope. You’ve been relying for others to come up with your crap. Now look at you. You’re starving to find something in that big ass brain of yours. And you can’t think up jack crap.

Now look at you. You’re thinking maybe you should pull out some crap from your old style. Maybe you should just regurgitate crap from your path. You’re pathetic. I hate you. You make me sick.

Look at you. You used to be a man. Now you’re just a big blob of doodie. And it’s worse, because you’re already brown. And I think I smell you. yeah. i do smell you. You stink. You smell like ass and onions, or what we refer to in the hood as a White Castle.

By the way, I recently went to White Castle, and those bastards went up on their hamburgers. I used to be able to get a White Castle 10 pack for about five dollars and some change. Now the shit is up to 6.40, or 6.90, one of the two. Sorry dude, but I ain’t paying that much for those shitty hamburgers. I could go and find myself a Whopper, or one of those double bacon cheeseburgers from Wendy’s. White Castle just lost themselves another cheap ass customers. Greedy bastards.

I recently made a bid on this camera over on Ebay. I thought it was a nice camera for a decent price. I’ve been looking for a camera to give to my mother for her birthday. So, I placed my dough on the table for $90 and walked away. I came back to the item after a couple of days. And for some reason I decided to read the seller’s feedback comments.

Yeah, I know you’re supposed to read those comments before you bid on the item, but I thought the ratio of positive to negative were right enough that I could trust the dude selling this thing. But boy was I wrong. I waded through the comments to find out that the seller was an asshole. He says his shit is new when a few of his former customers flat out say that his shit is used or refurbished.

And how he replies to their negative feedback makes him come off like some backwater, overseas, asshole. He reads like one of those dudes you get shit from in one of those little electronic shops, with the cheap radios and camcorders and shit. You know, not to sound racist, but he comes off like one of those Arab dudes selling high priced no named shit like it’s on sale. In fact, that’s probably what he is, a dude selling his fucked up shit from his store on-line to dumbasses like myself.

That’s why I wrote the dude to tell him that I was retracting my bid. Sure, I thought, he might leave negative feedback. But negative feedback is better than sending my money off to some asshole I don’t trust.

Luckily, someone just outbid me. Sucker! Now I don’t feel so bad. But knowing this asshole, he just may still leave negative feeback anyway.

Round and round like a circle.  It never stops.  It never ends, until your dead.  And today is always the beginning.  You wake up and know you have a long day ahead of you.  And you have a long week ahead. 

Goddamn, I wish it was Friday.

Why the fuck do the weekends go by so quickly? 

I didn’t do shit this weekend.  I didn’t go out.  I didn’t hang with friends.  I slept most of both Saturday and Sunday.  And then I went online.  I went offline.  And finally, I went back to sleep.  Ridiculous.  I don’t even remember the past two days.  All I know is that I got nothing to show for it.  No good times.  No great memories.  Nothing.

Only three people I had any contact with were my mother, some freaky online chick named Tracy and my mysterious benefactor.  Sad, ain’t it?  He — I assume he’s a he.  He could be a she, albeit, and ugly one — reiterated that he wanted nothing from his mysterious, confounding deeds but for me to live long and prosper.  He didn’t actually say that, but that’s how I’m gonna take it. 

He did relay something strange to me.  It seems that he has something in common with that Maggie (FuckUpOfALastName) chick who starred in that Secretary movie.  You know the one whose brother stars in the new Oscar lovefest Brokeback (AssUp) Mountain.  Apparently, my mysterious benefactor, who we shall call Charles Rex for now, loves to walk around in soiled man diapers and get spanked by tiny-tittied Asian prostitutes.  He told me this, somewhat indirectly. 

See, he’s a man who loves his humiliation and pain.  He takes from that shit like a fine wine.  He thrives on it, sniffing the cork of humilation and sipping from its natural fruitiness.  He figures that he ain’t really living unless he’s being pissed on constantly.  And he sort of begged me, somewhat indirectly, to piss on him.

And who am I to judge him.  Everybody’s a little weird in their own way.  Take me.  I like a good game of Parcheesi (sic?) and watching Spanish television constantly even though I speak limited Latino-speak.  And I also hate chitterlings.  Weird, ain’t I.  And he likes walking around with a load of shit in his drawers listening to female Japanese pop.  We all have our little hang-ups.  So, like I said, who am I to judge.

So, I mean, why shouldn’t I help a brother out and put on some R. Kels, maybe Trapped in the Closet parts 12 through 16, and piss on him. 

I don’t mean literally because that would be sort of gay, although there’s nothing wrong with that.  It’s just that I ain’t gay, and pissing on a dude for real would be sort of gay, unless, of course, I had just beat the shit out of him in a real manly way and decided afterwards to piss on him to show the world how manly I was in kicking his ass.  But just walking up to a dude and peeing on him would be, you know, really homo-like, and that shit would fuck with me and my ignorant homophobic based sexuality considerably. 

So, what I really meant was that I sort of …  fuck it.  I take it back.  Just forget all the shit I just wrote.  

Ding - ding, it’s gone.

Just for the record, R.Kelly in the role of Ron Savage;  James Spader in the role of Charles Rex.

Or

You know they racist when they don’t wanna take no Oprah money

I’m an anarchist by nature. Or at least I assume I’m one. Or maybe I’m simply onerous. Or maybe arbitrary. Let’s try autistic. I have no idea. It’s just that when the worlds sleeping, I’m awake. And when the world’s crying, I’m celebrating. Like misery loves company. Or Johnny loves cash. Or maybe, Ronny loves ass.

I heard about those kids rioting over in France. Funny how old news is still news when Americans aren’t informed. I thought this shit was something new. Seems like the North Africans have been rioting for much of the year. It’s just now, after several nights of straight rioting that we in America finally get that shit on our television screens. But I guess that’s what we call journalism over here in the states.

My first reaction was one of apathy, maybe apathatic disgust. I heard all my fellow racist talk about kicking all the Muslims out of the country, maybe get into some good ole’ American mosque torchings. I haven’t seen a good cross burn on a man’s lawn in a while. I don’t think a great deal of time should go by before we see another one of those. It might make me feel unpatriotic. And we can’t have that.

By the way, was anyone else suprised to find out that they had projects over in Paris. They never show that shit in the movies. Fuckin’ Good Times in Paris. Dy-No-Mite!

Loving the times, though. I didn’t think I’d see another good riot in awhile. Makes me wish I was in good ole’ Par’ee (sic?), or however you spell that shit (woof, woof). I love seeing the youth get together to do some ole’ fashion rebel rousing. And here I was thinking that all that text messaging was complete bullshit. Changed my opinion when I heard that these kids were using these Internets to get together to torch some buildings, and break some windows. Makes me feel that maybe, just maybe, everything will be all right with the world in the end.

Seeing my Islamic brothers, and my North African brothers, and my black Frenchmen get together in such a special way, makes me look forward to the future. Maybe in the end, we might all just get along with one another. Because if you can’t burn a country down to the muthafuckin ground with your brother, what the fuck can you do with your him? Outside of fuckin’ him. Which isn’t a bad thing, per se. It’s just isn’t anything I’m down with. I just don’t get low like that. But if some of you do, more power to you. Who the fuck am I to judge?

Hopefully the brothers here in the states will see what the poor in France are doing. When the white man eventually does something else to piss us off, maybe we’ll take heed of the tactics used and the unity displayed by our European brothers. I think, at least for this small period of time, that they’ve come to realize, no matter the differences among us all, what many of us have in common is that we’re all broke and poor, and we have rich white people to blame for all that shit. Thanks whitey.

So, maybe, when the next Rodney King comes along and does some dumb shit and gets the shit beat of him, we learn from those broke bastards over in Paris. Maybe, when we start burning shit down, we calm ourselves down first, start a carpool going, maybe pump out some e-mails and IMs, drive ourselves to those big time central city districts and shopping malls, and go crazy and burn every piece of that shit down.

And if you’re thinking of me, maybe you could possibly bust open some Best Buys and Circuit Citys so a brother can easily get himself to a couple of new computers, maybe some video games, a Xbox 360, and a High-D television so I can watch wrestling in style.

Thank You in Advance.

I hate bloggers. I’m a blogger, and I can’t stand bloggers. I read very few blogs. I hate audioblogs. Most podcasts suck. Most weblog authors can’t write worth shit. The whole blogging thing is complete bullshit. And I’m part of the problem.

There are just too many webloggers. And most of us ain’t got shit to say. And our site’s smell like doo-doo. I’ve put my nose up to the screen several times, and I know when I smell shit. In fact, if you were to scratch and sniff your screen right now, I’m sure it would smell like sewer. Because it’s shit. It’s all shit. I can’t stand it. It’s sickening.

So, why did I start back up doing this shit again, you might be asking yourself. And if you’re not, that’s cool too. I did it because I was itching. I could feel the shit boiling in my colon. And the shit needed to come out. My bowels were irritated, and I could feel the sludge oozing out. And this here is the outlet.

Right now, I see the popularity of blogging dying down. I think most people have stopped visiting most of these blogging sites like I have. They’ve come to realize that there’s nothing of substance here. The real estate is worthless. And I couldn’t agree with them more.

That’s why this shit here is easy to me. No audience equals no audience. And I wonder what I’ll have two years from now. This is the starting point of something utterly shitty. And good. And great. However you want to see it.

Maybe, give it ten years, this shit will be worth something. Maybe I’ll finally have something to be proud of. Although I doubt it.