It’s November. But here is the first look at the new December playmate for 2005, Christine Smith. The 5′5″, 26 year old, hails from San Dimas, California, and wants to be a veternarian so she can castrate all the cute little dogs and cats of the world for pennies on the dollar. Sounds like my ex-girlfriend. I wish someone would castrate me. I’m tired of feeling myself. My penis annoys me. I can’t even think anymore. It’s always my balls this or my balls that. I’m sick of it. Here’s hoping Ms. Smith is successful because this dog really needs a good whacking.

Let’s see, what else do we know about Ms. Smith. She loves men who are excited by life, and who are comfortable in their own skin. Okay, that’s two strikes against me. And she hates insecure men, who are lazy, have bed breath, and aren’t willing to try new things. Add small penises, and I’ve just run the gamut. There you have it. I guess that’s another playmate I can strike off my list of possibly getting ass from in the future.

Anyway. Ms Smith is the last playmate of the year, and that makes her one of the most important. Because now, horny little bastards like myself, and old ass middle aged dudes across the world can finally start speculating on who should and will become Playmate of the Year for 2006. I won’t go into it just yet because I haven’t seen Ms. Smith’s Playboy pictorial. Because, if I had to go just by her Cyber Club sneak peek pictures, this woman wouldn’t even come close. I hate to say it, but these pictures are horrific.

The pictures make her seem like some old, squinty eyed, plastic bottled cheese-mama. Her face is too made up. Her breasts look too fake. And her body has the form of a thick log. You know who she reminds me of? Rebecca Ramos. That’s exactly what she looks like in these pictures, a blond, squinty-eyed version of Rebecca Ramos. And that ain’t good.

And I doubt that’s how she looks in the magazine. Just looking at the photo on her playboy.com page, these pictures don’t do her justice. She actually looks kind of hot on that web page, which makes me think that it’s gotta be the photographer’s fault. I wonder who they have shooting the sneak peek photos, because most of them make the models look crappier than they actually look. They tend to edge on the glitzy/overdone side. I probably wouldn’t be able to stand them if they weren’t photos of, uh, naked women.

Unfortunately, when it comes to naked chicks, who gives a damn about the photography.