Super-Villain Style

Note to self: Red Sox won yesterday. Yeah. Fuck’em. I haven’t knocked one out since last Monday. Bush - Kerry in about 5 days.

Too bad my man, Scott Peterson, will be spending the rest of his life in prison. I just don’t see my homey getting off on this one. If only he had Johnny Cochran. Now he’ll have to spend the rest of his life in jail being somebody’s beyotch. I feel for that anus, the real anus, not Scott, but Scott’s anus. I feel for Scott’s anus ’cause his ass is sure gonna be sore from all those man rape workouts. I mean Scott ain’t really overly masculine looking. He’s sort of in between masculine looking. Pretty prime beef for the man rape.

Not that I would man rape Scott. If I were into man rape, it’d have to be a really manly man, something like a truck driver, or a construction worker, hairy, burly, puffy type man dude. I mean, you know, if I was gay I couldn’t see myself sexing down a feminine man. That would defeat the purpose.

You know, the purpose of being gay I assume would be for me to be into, so to speak, other men. The more manly the man, the gayer that makes me. Dudes who date feminine men are only half-assing it, so to speak. And gay dudes who act really feminine aren’t really accepting that gayness. You know, I’m gay, I’m a man, and I wanna do other men, or have other men do me. You go full gay, you go for really manly men, Rock Hudson type scrotum. You know.

If I was gay, I couldn’t fuck with Rupaul, or that really feminine dude who used to be on Sex In The City, or that other really feminine dude who was on Last Comic Standing. I’d have to fuck Grizzly Adams, or Hercules, or, I don’t know, Humphrey Bogart, you know, the really manly dudes. We’d chop wood, so to speak, and play football, maybe wrestling, eat steak, drink beer, then I’d fuck him up the ass. I’d see that as a perfect date, something like that. I don’t know.

I figure the whole point of being gay is to fuck men up the ass, the more the man, the more the gay. The same would go for women. Hot female chick doing another hot female chick. Two females going at it, that’s real lesbo. No chick that dresses like dudes banging chick that acts like woman. Only chick that acts and dresses like chick banging other chick that acts and dresses like chick.

When you get into dude who has sex change and becomes a woman only to fuck other women, you’re going somewhere weird. Hell, even dude who has a sex change and becomes chick and sleeps with other dudes, you’re going into wild areas. Or dude who dresses like chick and sleeps with dudes. Or chick who dresses like dudes and does dudes. I don’t know. You know.

I’m just saying, if someone’s coming out is all about a person being honest with himself, with the world, shouldn’t that person be really honest about himself. If a man likes having sex with men, shouldn’t that man accept that he’s a man and seek out other men who accept that they are men? And shouldn’t they all act like men should act and never play down their manhood? Wouldn’t that be really honest? Plus, occasionally these manly men get off on each other’s manliness and have sex with each other. And enjoy it.

You know, wouldn’t that be really gangsta.

A liberal is a retard. All liberals are retards. Because a liberal ain’t nothing but a retard.

No one calls himself a liberal, or at the very least, very few people identify with being a liberal. Conservatives identify themselves as conservatives. Many identify with being black, or Irish, or Catholic, or gay, but very few stand up to be identified as liberal.

The big difference is that conservatism is pretty proactive, meaning people purposely define themselves as conservatives. They vote conservative. They protest anti-conservative policies. They proactively participate in the many things that define their conservatism.

At one point liberalism was pretty similar. But it just isn’t the case today. Present-day liberals are sort of thrown together, forced into a lumped classification. White liberals don’t fight for black issues. Black liberals don’t fight for gay issues. Gay liberals don’t fight for liberal issues, unless it includes gay rights.

Southern whites don’t understand Northern whites. Northern blacks don’t get southern blacks. And we sort of all hate the faggots. We just don’t like saying that shit aloud. Unfortunately, liberals don’t really like themselves. Which is completely unlike conservatives.

I’ve always wondered if conservatives identify themselves more as conservatives than Americans. If it came that a conservative had the choice between saving a Frenchman, or a liberal American, which person would live to breathe another day? I kind of believe there’s a pretty good chance they both might end up as worm food. But that’s just me. Who knows?

Conservative self-love, or better yet, liberal self-hate can’t all be blamed on the liberal. Liberal is unfortunately too broad a term to define so diverse a class of people. And it’s too bad that conservatism is too exclusive a club. Not everybody can get in.

It’s also too bad that liberal has become so shameful a word. But no one should be surprised. Doesn’t liberal simply mean nigger when spoken by a conservative? Whites can’t call themselves whitey. And goddammit, nigger’s taken, and you can’t have it back.

In a much less offensive tone, maybe we should identify liberal with feminist. Feminist are liberal, not to say that there aren’t conservative feminist. But feminism isn’t exactly identified with conservatism.

Because when someone calls you a feminist, we all know that they might as well have said hairy ass, bull dyke, fat nasty, greasy ass, slutty whore, because that’s what it means to be called a feminist. Because no one calls a woman a feminist unless they say it in a very clinical way, or if they mean it to identify, label, possibly degrade someone in a very pointed way.

The person saying it might as well have called the woman, Miss Butch Dyke Slutty America 2004. Give thanks for the honor.

And people wonder why women haven’t claimed the word as their own. Unfortunately, it’s been co-opted, any original meaning stripped from its true definition. Much like being a liberal. Or better yet, a retard. See what I did there. Forget it.

A mentally retarded man stands on the street. You say Hey, retard, what’s it like being a retard. Not that I would say anything offensive like that. Or you would either. But let’s just say something like that happened.

And the mentally retarded man says adamantly that he isn’t a retard, even though, partially, he is. Retard is only short for retarded. So basically, the retard is a retard.

But would you honestly expect a retarded man to identify himself as a retard? Would you honestly expect him to jump up and say, That’s me, good ole’ retard. Actually he might, because, you know, he might not understand that you’re making fun of him. But you get my point.

The retard, like the nigger, or the Negro, or the colored man, or the black man, or the African-American, is unfortunately placed in the position of recreating self definition, an acceptable identification for himself, by himself (F.H.B.H.?) so that others will define him in a more accurate and personal light, an act so incomprehensible, self-conscious and ultimately narcissistic, no wonder people scoff and ridicule when forced to use the newly created terms.

It would seem the only way to escape such ridicule is to never be forcibly defined in the first place, which seems ultimately impossible. At one point in history, weren’t we all simply men. And has the definition of a man changed so that we were forced to define ourselves as something greater, or lesser by my estimations.

I mean, hasn’t complex definition only led to self-imposed separation, and greater communal degradation, something that is so abhorred by our American identity.

I don’t know. Whatever.

Bah!

Don’t want to talk about debate.

Gore and Edwards must have come from the same neighborhood. They both have a very annoying, gay-like southern accent.

And that’s why Cheney won. He didn’t annoy me as much. Plus, I like him. I believe he believes what he’s saying half the time. I believe the shit he says half the time isn’t about politics. It’s what he believes. I also believe that there isn’t much of a difference from what those Enron boys did and what Cheney allegedly did. And yet, I still like the ole’ dude.

I wonder if people aren’t really voting for or against Bush, but for or against Cheney. I’ve never really had any trust or confidence in Bush. It’s been more about the machine. There’s this Republican machine that’s running the Bush presidency. (Conspiracy?) It’s been more about the cogs than ever. The real power has been in the machine. I can’t explain it. I can’t describe it. But I know it exists.

I’ve lost all credibility. And I don’t think I had any to begin with. I’m like CBS News or Fox News or Cable News. You pick.

Don’t you love it that ABC ended their coverage of the debate with an image of their poll. Like that was the big news.

The dabates were last night. Bush looked out of it, and pissed off at times. Kerry looked fucked up and ugly all the time. They talked about Iraq and other crap. It wasn’t as boring as I thought it would be. Smackdown came on after the debates. So it turned out to be a pretty good night. I’ve purposefully stayed away from the talking head stations, the news channels, all that weird bullshit. When the political dogs came on afterwards ready to spin shit, I turned the channel. It’s the only way I can enjoy politics these days.

I can’t tell you how big a mistake I think that is, to have bilateral talks with North Korea. It’s precisely what Kim Jong Il wants. It will cause the six-party talks to evaporate. It will mean that China no longer is involved in convincing, along with us, for Kim Jong Il to get rid of his weapons. It’s a big mistake to do that.

Too bad because I really would like to get some news. But nobody’ll be getting any real news from the national news services today, or for that matter, the whole entire weekend. Either Kerry was one slick beyotch last night, or Bush was one lost slut. It just don’t get any better. I would call this site a no-spin zone, but like O’Reilly, when I say that shit I know I’m full of spin.

this issue of certainty. It’s one thing to be certain, but you can be certain and be wrong.

It’s another to be certain and be right, or to be certain and be moving in the right direction, or be certain about a principle and then learn new facts and take those new facts and put them to use in order to change and get your policy right.

Presidential debate or monkey show? You decide. Since I view this shit like a sporting event, I’ll have to go with the flow and say that Kerry won last night. Bush needs to stop leaning on the podium. And quit with that weird face crunching shit. Kerry has to stop smiling and looking up in the air. I love the dumb ass stop/go lights. Way to make the dudes look more presidential. More naked chicks, or shots of the presidential daughters, or shots of naked presidential daughters.

Maybe some rock music, and let the fuckin audience cheer. I miss that shit.

The debate transcript

Backmasking 1
Backmasking 2

Who’s That Face in My Song?

Concluded that Kerry will win. But only by a slight margin.

The poll was conducted by me.

It took place outside a McDonald’s.

The poll included a Mexican, two blacks and three white people, one of them a Jew. Three women participated. And one of them might be a lesbian. At least I hope.

First, it started with a round of I hate Bush! Fuck Bush.

And then we all kind of showed some support for Kerry.

One person said he wouldn’t mind fuckin’ the president’s daughters. Another person agreed. But one person said that he would rather fuck the pretty Kerry daughter. And then we all agreed with that, at least all the males agreed, although it was concluded that we all wouldn’t mind having them all in a threesome.

Then the subject went to Iraq. Somebody said Iraq was bullshit. And we all agreed. Then somebody said some shit about Oil and War. Then somebody dissented. And the rest of us looked at him strange.

Somebody mentioned Osama. One of the blacks said Fuck Osama! Then I said Terrorism: The White Man’s Civil Rights Movement. And the rest of the blacks agreed. A white person wanted that statement to be explained. I acted like I didn’t hear her. Then a thirty minute discussion about race took place. Since this poll isn’t about race, I won’t mention the details.

Then the conversation turned to homosexuals. Somebody expressed his hatred of the faggots. Somebody else called him on it. Then, a thirty minute discussion of gays in America took place.

After the conversation, I said something like Fuck Kerry! Fuck that fake ass beyotch! And everybody sort of agreed with me, even though we all came to the conclusion that we hated Bush even more.

The results:

Kerry - 400%
Bush - 0%

+ or - 400%

What the fuck am I doing. I’m fuckin’ up my shit with all this political crap.

Just that I had these discussions with several people yesterday. And since it’s that time of the year. Well. not that kind of time of the year. More like that kind of time of the leap year.

Around about now, politics all of a sudden becomes important, at least to people I know, the majority of them Democratic and liberal. If a presidential election wasn’t on the horizon, most of my friends wouldn’t be talking about crap close to politics.

Most of our conversations revolve around sports, or pop culture, or some fake ass song or movie or television show. Bullshit about nothing. And I kind of like it that way. Because I don’t like talking about important stuff with idiots and smart people. Idiots piss me off because they don’t know shit. And smart people piss me off because they know everything.

And average people? Fuck what a average person knows. Shit. I’m average. Why would I put your shitty ass average thought above my own? Me versus you ends with me on top, no cancelling shit out.

Plus, when people talk about important shit with me, they tend to say something that upsets me. Like if you went to a Jew and said, If you don’t get Jesus in your life, you’re going to Heeeelll. The thing is a real Christian should think that Jesus is the only path to salvation. You just don’t want him saying that shit to your face.

I think I might have mentioned this before. But I’ve voted Republican in the past. Only people who don’t vote Republican a lot say, I’ve voted Republican in the past. I think a lot of people would love to vote Republican because people who vote Democratic only do so out of fear. Not to say that people who vote Republican don’t vote out of fear.

I mean look at Iraq.

Iraq has supplanted the main American fear. We don’t worry as much about the muggings and shootings and rapes anymore. Now we got terrorism. Americans don’t have to fight to be free. We fight to be safe. Fear of terrorism has white liberals like Dennis Miller turning conservative in a flash, voting for shit they wouldn’t have dared to support in the past. Why? Because fear forces the greatest American to remove the greatest thing we hold dear, our freedom. When fear comes into play, freedom comes into play. A self-inflicted wound. We kill others so we do not continue maiming ourselves.

Democrats are like a bunch of people, thrown together for the purpose of saving the world, like the A-Team, or something like that where you put different people from different backgrounds and ask them to work together. Something like a buddy cop movie: a black wise-cracking, streetwise black dude coupled with a hard-nosed, old style, by the book veteran detective looking to solve a case together. They really can’t stand each other but they learn that they need each other, and by the end, they learn to respect and possibly love one another in a non homosexual kind of way. Or in a really homosexual kind of way, if you prefer.

And I think Republicans are like a group of people with, I don’t know, stuff that draws them together, like something similar that draws them together like being really, really white.

It ain’t cool to say.

Asshole

I ran into this dude a couple of days ago. He was supposed to have called me over three weeks ago. He told me he had been calling, but he couldn’t reach me, and he didn’t think to leave a message. I honestly didn’t care. I’m not a telephone dude. I hate the telephone. I hate communicating. I see myself as a new age Theodore Kaczynski without the mailbombs and murder and shit, typing up bullshit nonsensical crap in my shack out back in the woods. If I didn’t have family, three really old close friends, and girlfriend, I think I might actually be in that shack right now. There’s this weird part of me that looks forward to that shit. And there’s another part of me that’s scared shitless that that could be my possible future.

Anyway. Getting back to the phone call. It didn’t make much of a difference if he called or not. But it did piss me off that he was lying to my face about it. Why call and not leave a message? How come his telephone number was never recorded on my caller id? Why didn’t he call at night when I might be home? You wanna know why? Because that fucker never fuckin’ called. I don’t know why people lie about bullshit like that, especially when there’s voice mail, answering machines, call waiting and caller id. You just can’t get away with lying about a call these days. People can easily check up and bust your lying ass wide open.

Dude was making it seem like I was the one avoiding him. I get it, y’all never answer y’all phones. I wanted to punch him in his fuckin’ face. Apparently, myself, my girlfriend, her sister, my mother, we’re all up in my house, looking at the caller id, acting like his ass a Jehovah’s Witness, Drop! Cut off the FUCKIN’ LIGHTS! DON’T PICK UP THE PHONE! It’s ASS FUCK-FACE! You fuck-face bastard. I hate your ass now.

Then he had the nerve to call me the next day and leave a message talkin’ about he wants to connect on Monday. Bullshit! Beyotch could’ve done that shit three weeks ago instead of eventually lying to my fuckin’ face.

Now I must hold a grudge intensely in a very overwhelming passive-aggressive manner. We’ll eventually connect (I use eventually a lot, don’t I) and he’ll be talking, and I’ll be looking at him like I wanna stab him, and he’ll ask if everything is okay, and I’ll smile and say everything is cool, and I’ll keep the fake grin on my face while cussing him out in my mind, and he’ll keep talking, and I’ll start back to looking at him like I wanna stab him, and we’ll eventually (there I go again) part ways…

And we’ll never speak to each other ever again.

(Damn it’s dark outside.)

The leftist wants equal opportunities for minorities. When that is attained he insists on statistical equality of achievement by minorities. And as long as anyone harbors in some corner of his mind a negative attitude toward some minority, the leftist has to reeducate him. And ethnic minorities are not enough; no one can be allowed to have a negative attitude toward homosexuals, disabled people, fat people, old people, ugly people, and on and on and on. It’s not enough that the public should be informed about the hazards of smoking; a warning has to be stamped on every package of cigarettes. Then cigarette advertising has to be restricted if not banned. The activists will never be satisfied until tobacco is outlawed, and after that it will be alcohol then junk food, etc. Activists have fought gross child abuse, which is reasonable. But now they want to stop all spanking. When they have done that they will want to ban something else they consider unwholesome, then another thing and then another. They will never be satisfied until they have complete control over all child rearing practices. And then they will move on to another cause.

Fuckin’ Leftist Social Commies. I hate’em, too, you fuckin’ fuck-faces.

I missed out on Reagan. And Clinton. And the whole naked Iraqi prisoners thing. I’m kind of glad I did. I really hate talking politics. It’s almost as bad as discussing religion. Which makes me want to pass on this whole Kerry-Edwards thing. I can feel myself getting sleepy already. I mean it is big news. At least I’m told that it’s supposed to be big news. But is it really?

Whose mind will be swayed to vote Kerry by the announcement of Edwards. Are there really that many people out there who decide their presidential vote on the picking of a running mate? And is the running mate decision that important in a year like this? Like everybody and their mama have said, or is it has said, already, fuck it. Anyway the point is that most people have already made up their mind on who they will vote for in November.

And that doesn’t trouble me. What troubles me is that there are actually undecided voters out there, people who haven’t made up their mind. Who the hell are these people? What the fuck are they waiting for? I don’t care if they choose Bush or Kerry. Choose somebody already. There ain’t much more you need to know, or you’ll ever learn from the presidential candidates, or their handlers.

What? You want to hear their platform when their conventions come around. You want to see if there will be an October suprise. Maybe they have something insightful and detailed to say about the war in Iraq, or health care, or job security, or some other important bullshit like that. Please.

The choice is clear, whichever way you choose. You may not know it, but I have a pretty good guess that you’ve already decided, and you just don’t know it, yet.

Now. Let’s get back to important issues, like Denise Richards getting butt naked in Playboy. I’m actually looking forward to it. Although she has shown quite a bit on film. Remember Wild Things. Bubbly never looked so good running down a pair of hooters. A semi-celebrity in Playboy. Playboy used to get’em on their way up, or barely on their way down. Now they get’em while they lay in the gutter. But I can’t lie. Gutter nudes are better than no nudes at all.

Take today. Playboy’s web site, the paid version, is featuring the Women of Home Depot. Home Depot, I say. Don’t just reading that make you all sweaty and horny. I mean them beyotches at the HOME DEPOT sure am hot. You go in looking for plywood, you come out rubbing the plywood. (Don’t go there.) Cause they sure got some hot ass mamacitas at the HOME DEPOT.

And the weird thing is these chicks ain’t half bad, especially since they’re naked. Naked make plain chicks look hot as hell. In fact, maybe if Kerry and Bush were half-bad chicks, and did a naked runway pose down instead of debating, I might have a hard time choosing one over the other. Unless one of them had really small titties. Then, the choice would be amazingly clear.