Super-Villain Style

Do they even make these shits anymore? I swear. I can’t stand it.

I had some cool shit typed out. I mean, I was on a fuckin’ roll. And all of a sudden, my fuckin’ computer reboots on me. I’m like two-thirds of the way done, and I’m real ignorant with this shit. And my fuckin’ computer dies on me. I lose everything, because I’m a dumb ass and I haven’t thought to hit the save button just once. Oh, and I’m dying. Because now I gotta recreate that shit from memory. And it just won’t feel the same. And I’m pissed off, and shit ain’t cool. But, what the fuck else can I do.

So, I started that shit off talking about how cold it was. I was like, man it was cold. FUCK! It just ain’t the same. FUCK! Man was it cold. How cold was it, you asshole? FUCK! BULLSHIT! Man was it cold. I mean, it was so cold that I actually thought about going to work early. I got up at 5 and put my fuckin clothes on when I normally don’t even half wake up until an hour later. And I’m laying in my bed with my shoes and sweater on and a fuckin’ cover over me, and I’m cold as fuck, and I actually do the unthinkable: I decide to get up and go to work earlier than I’m supposed to. Do you get this shit? Work? Early? That’s some miracle worker type shit. I think those rapture type bastards might be on to something. Who knows? The fuckin’ 1000 years could really be up and tomorrow the second coming could be, you know, coming. I can feel Baby Jesus already. I think my Jewish friends better find a fuckin’ rock to hide under before, you know, the Earth swallows them whole and shit. If not for my revelation, then for that whole Prince Harry, Prince Michael, Albert, blanket in a can, whatever, fuck it, you know what the fuck I’m talking about, Nazi, whole fuckin’ world, FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!

Then I smoothly switched over to what I was watching last night, that whole Ken Burns - PBS, Jack Johnson shit. And I started talking about how he loved him some white women. He had one at home and two or three on the road with him. What really got me was all that racism shit, especially when they quoted the LA Times. It would be some shit like this:

The coon wants to fight, and for what if he wins, first his great Negro cock, and his grand nigger-monkey prowess. If he should beat our great fair brother, it could be but over, and soon he will not only be intercoursing with the great pink vagina, but the nigger might also think himself equal to the great European, but still. — The Los Angeles Times

And I don’t know, but for some reason, I would crack the fuck up laughing. These honkys were killing me. But I guess it was because the dumb shit was coming from the LA Times and the NY Times, two pretty liberal newspapers today. Shows you how times have changed.

Now that last part was longer when I first did it, with a lot of dumb racial shit. But I don’t have time to recreate that shit because part two of the Jack Johnson story is about to come on soon, and I can foretell some nigga lynching, not as if there wasn’t a lot of that shit in the first part. But part one was the upside, part two is the downside. So, that shit’s gotta be good, like a really sad VH1 Where Are They Now? Next time I’ll learn and save my masterpieces.

Oh yeah, I forgot, I also talked about this, FUCK! Forget it. It wouldn’t work. None of this shit works. Oh, I hate you, you fuckin’ Compaq. I’ll talk about the whole Branch Davidian shit later. You know, when it makes more sense. It’s all fucked up.

FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!

Just forget it.

I’ve been sitting around contemplating about that whole Gary Sheffield-wife thing, how some preacher dude had a tape with Sheffield’s wife on it having sex with pissmaster R. Kelly. He was blackmailing Sheffield, telling Sheffield if he didn’t pay him 20,000 dollars, he would release the tape to the public. Sheffield refused and reported his ass to the authorities, and they did a sting on the preacher.

Sheffield, after knowledge of the tape was released, told the news people that he still plans on sticking with his wife, even with the prospects of this tape possibly reaching the public. Who knows what freaky shit Kelly might be doing to Sheffield’s wife on the tape. We know Kelly likes to piss and shit on women. One can only imagine what bodily fluids Kelly sprayed on Sheffield’s wife when the tape was made.

I wonder if I’d be able to stick it out with my woman if I suddenly found out she had done some freaky shit with a brother like R. Kelly? There’s a part of me that thinks that I would have to leave her, walk away from it all. Then, there’s another part of me that hopes that I would be able to stick it out. But I doubt it. I’m a dumbass.

You know that shit in that film, Clerks, where ol boy finds out that his girl was a major league dick sucker for most of her bleeding life, and that she may have sucked every male dick in high school and college, including the dick of one of the filthiest brothers around who liked when chicks spit his shit back in his mouth after he came in theirs. I got a friend like that, a really filthy ass bastard that always has ol’ fucked up chicks around him.

He loves telling us about the beyotches that like to open his legs and go crazy on his balls. He’s one of these dudes who always got a story of a nasty ass chick who loves to do nothing but eat his ass out. Most of that shit is bullshit. But every once in awhile he always has a girl around who you know does filthy shit like that, like that Chasing Amy chick, a chick you know from reputable sources has done threesomes and weird anal-facial shit. When he has a chick like that following him around it sort of negates the bullshit sex stories he likes to tell because you know he’s doing half that freaky shit with her.

Every once in awhile he’ll have him a halfway decent looking girl by his side, a girl you wonder about, like if she has mental problems or something, a chick who seems halfway decent that she must be fucked up under the hood to be fuckin’ with a filthy bastard like my man. I always wonder about these chicks, about how they’ll have to live down letting this nasty pig bastard get over on’em, how they’ll have to keep this one fucked up relationship under wraps for the the rest of their fuckin’ lives.

I wonder what would happen in ten years if I met one of these chicks, cleaned up and all, with her husband. And I pulled out a picture of my old friend and told her man about all the crazy ass shit she used to do with my homie, pointing to a picture of my filthy, nasty, dirty ass homie, with shit on his shirt, digging in his nose, laughing out loud with food in his mouth. I wonder if my man would stay. I doubt it. No man wants the vision of his woman fuckin another man, let alone some ass wipe dude six degrees from living under a highway pass.

I think most chicks have shit like that in the past. I have a cousin, no fuckin’ job, has babies every fuckin’ where, lives with his mama, lives off his chicks, and he keeps getting these church chicks to give it up to him. It’s weird shit, because these chicks seem like upstanding women, who have jobs, and go to school, and they usually have no children, at least until he comes into their lives. He eventually knocks’em up and breaks the hell out, and finds another chick to replace her. And I swear I don’t get what the fuck is going on. Because we ain’t talking about Taye Diggs here. We’re talking about a boney ass, Ethopian looking brother. But I guess that’s what they call game.

Unfortunately, these chicks are fucked for life like that Scarlett Letter chick. Even if no one can see the big ass A on the chest, all her old friends know it exists. These chicks are marred for life, and it ain’t a goddamn thing they can do about it. They just gotta suck that shit up, like they did that dick so many years ago.

(Yeah. I know. That’s bad.)

(And if my boy ever reads this shit, just remember I ain’t talking about you. I’m talking about somebody else. You know who I’m talking about. But it’s not you.)

Chicago man accused of using decade-old video for extortion.
Never Had Tape

Mosley knew about two different tapes in which DeLeon can be seen having sex with Kelly, who dated the gospel star when she was a teen, said the pal who wouldn’t give his name.One was the old tape known as “R. Kelly Triple X.” The second was part of a “master tape” featuring numerous encounters, one showing “DeLeon, Kelly and Kelly’s wife” having sex, the pal said.

Other sources said several friends of Kelly’s had seen the three-way scene but they declined to say whether the third woman was Kelly’s wife, Andrea Lee, or his late ex, singing star Aaliyah.

Tomorrow: Special Guest Post By Crackhead Rollie on What Thanksgiving Really Means.

Damn. I feel for my man Ron Artest. I know that’s a minority opinion, but I still feel for him. He didn’t deserve the drama that went down in Detroit.

Well, maybe he did. I mean, he is an asshole. And he did want a couple of months off so he could complete and promote his rap album. He’s a hot head on the court. And I don’t think he likes babies. Or little kittens. Or white people. He really hates white people, especially if they’re babies, and really especially if they’re white baby kittens. I think I remember him kicking a white baby once. Or maybe that was just one of my dreams. Who know, maybe I’m the one that wouldn’t mind drop kicking a couple of white babies. Who can tell.

So, my man Artest, chillin, goofing off at the announce table, minding his own damn business. And all of a sudden some drunk ass bastard throws a nice tasty beverage on him. And what happens next is understandable, because none of the drink happened to reach his mouth. He was never able to taste that nice frosty cold one, and a person needs a nice frosty one after a couple of hours of running back and forth on the court. Not that I would know. I haven’t ran back and forth, or forward and back, or a couple of feet in front of me since I was 12. Fuck running when you can walk, and you got a car, and there’s public transportation. I’m the kind of bastard who’ll jump in the car to go see a friend a corner away. I’ll jump on a bus I see coming just to go a block downwards. I’m lazy like that.

Anyway, when Artest gets beer mostly on his body, and not in his mouth, he goes berserk in a nice crackhead Rollie rage and races upward in the direction the drink came from, and asks the dude nicely if it was him who threw the drink, and if he was really trying to aim for his mouth, and by mistake, missed, and it hit his body. The man goes beyotch and shakes and pisses on himself and denies he even exists. And Artest starts beating the shit outta the dude. And who can blame him. I would have beat the man’s ass myself, so to speak.

There are several things you don’t do to a man: you don’t spit on him, you don’t punch or kick him, and you don’t throw wet shit like beer and wine on him. Sorry people, but that’s grounds for an ass-kicking. People been watching too many movies, people pouring drinks over each other’s heads, and slapping each other. This ain’t the 40s or the Three Stooges or an episode of Dallas. This is the real world. In the real world, all that crazy drunkin’ shit ends with a foot in the ass.

People think if they’re up in the stands, they’re immune to an ass-whupping. People spit on players at football games. They jump out of the stands and onto the playing field in baseball. And now dumb ass fans are throwing drinks on players in basketball. And these asshole expect that no one has the right to react to that shit? I’m sorry. Fuck you. I’m glad Artest went up there and started whupping ass. That’ll stop the next drunkin’ asshole from thinking of even doing that shit. Now he knows big ass black dudes will come up those steps and fuck that bloated ass up.

And it won’t be in an Elton John, late night candlelight, sweet lovin’ kind of way either.

Assholes.

My girl is cheap. She’s so cheap, I told her to go to Blockbuster and rent me Five Fingers of Death. She come back with FOUR fingers!

I saw your mother the other day. She had on this sweatshirt and it said U.C.L.A. on it. I was like, Well Goddamn!, I didn’t know you went to college. She said, I didn’t! My name is Ucla!

Am I the only one not watching the Olympics? I hear things, chatter. No one’s talking about it. It’s like the Olympics aren’t really happening, just a figment of my imagination. I must admit, I’ve checked out the beach volleyball competitions. And a little track. But that’s about it. I remember when you couldn’t escape the Olympics. It was like the State of the Union address, fuckin’ everywhere. Now, it’s invisible. I know it’s supposed to be on all the time, but it always seems like it’s never on when I check for it. Or there never seems to be anything worth watching during the times I’m watching. I barely caught the fat dudes during the power weight lifting competitions. They should have something in the tv guide where they say during blank time and blank time blank crap will be happening. Not that I would watch still. But, I’m just saying.

All that exclusive coverage crap is screwing up the event. People can avoid it, and it’s easy. All you have to do is change the channel. They barely talk about the Olympics on the other channels. And they can’t show anything. It’s all crap. I went most of this week not seeing much of anything. And I don’t feel like I’ve missed anything. Nothing big has happened, outside of that dude who got his gold medal by mistake. But that’s it. There’s nobody to root for, or against. Yeah. I know I’m American, but the Olympics always comes down to the individuals, personalities. And I know very few little about very few of the new kids participating. There’s no Michael Johnson, or Mary Lou Retton. What about that chick who broke her ankle and still scored a high score? Who actually remembers any of these people. What the hell was the name of the dude who popped his head on the springboard when he was diving? The only name that keeps coming up in my head is Dawes. And that weird SNL skit. You can do it! And Carl Lewis. And Kurt Angle. That’s it. Oh. And those skimpy volleyball bikinis. Misty May — definite porno name.

Kobe Bryant is a rapist.

Not stating fact.

Just saying that I think the dude’s a rapist.

I don’t have any facts.

I just got a feeling that the dude hates women, and likes raping them.

An opinion,

Only an opinion,

I’m just saying…

I told a friend of mine recently that I thought he was a punk-ass paynas-eater. Called him an asshole. My girlfriend got on my case. She said that I was nice, and what I’d done wasn’t a nice thing to do. But every once in awhile it kills me deeply to be nice. I hate my family, but I’m nice to them. I hate saying hello in the morning. I’m not a morning person. I rather I didn’t have to say anything to anyone before ten o’clock. After ten I’m cool. But before ten, I would rather be evil. But I’m not. I say hello, and I grumble, and I wave. I run into the regulars on the train and I say my greetings. I talk to the janitors, and the window washers, and the trash men. And I hate it. But I do it even though it does nothing for me.

People ask nice people for things they wouldn’t ask an evil person for. People ask me to look at their cars, and to watch their kids, and to pick up crap for them. Just a lot of bullshit. But I do it, because I’m nice. And I feel guilty when I turn them down. And I hate feeling guilty. Sometimes I wish I could just go away. I haven’t been to Vegas in over three years. Good people don’t get breaks. Good people gotta take’em. It’s just the way of the world. My mother hasn’t had a break in over a year from taking care of her mother. She has four sisters, and none of them will step up. It’s bullshit. She’ll only find freedom when her mother dies.

I’ve been playing the lottery over the past couple of weeks. Because without money, you’re never truly free, at least not in this world. I’m thinking of starting back with gambling. People gamble because there’s immediate hope in the insurmountable odds. What are the odds that Kobe will be locked up for rape. Just wondering. I just happen to find my hope in justice. I don’t believe that all people who do bad things should be punished. But most of them should. Liars, cheaters, thieves, politicians, the majority of them should be locked up, doing some form of time. Or maybe. I don’t know. There are people who just don’t seem right, who don’t feel right. These people should eventually show themselves in overall concreteness, do some form of thing to reveal their evil nature.

Kobe was trying to do right by the universe. He raped so that we could all breathe easier. Tip the balance, balance the score, or whatever. His guilt, his false image, forced him to rape that unstable woman and reveal the evil within him we all knew existed. Now for the first time, Kobe finds himself closer to freedom, closer than any of us will ever be. What would it be like, feel like, when you found that you had crossed a line and survived, and learned that through revelations and tribulations, and other such things, that you had been outed, and you no longer had to hide who you were, what you were really about?

I don’t have any of the facts.

But let’s just say…

Subplots Of The NBA Season

Just when you thought the Lakers had maxed out the drama in L.A., Kobe does a phone interview with ESPN’s Jim Gray that threatens to take the wheels off the championship bus before it even pulls out of the arena parking lot. Citing Shaq for his lack of leadership and conditioning (and that’s putting it mildly), Bryant somehow managed to take the public’s already intense focus off of his legal matters — and the team’s once-in-a-lifetime assemblage of talent — and place it back on his contentious relationship with the man in the middle. Maybe this isn’t the best way to tip off 2003-04 for the championship hopefuls, but with their marquee twosome back at odds again, things have to at least feel somewhat normal in La-La Land again, especially after everything got turned upside-down this offseason.

NBA ‘04: Who Can Knock off the Spurs?

…Though Kobe Bryant’s injuries and legal situation will be distractions, a healthy Shaquille O’Neal playing with a future Hall of Famer getting him the ball (Gary Payton) and a future Hall of Fame mixing it up inside (Karl Malone) should make the Lakers a force.

BWAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!! CUBS LOSE!!!! CUBS LOSE!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAAA!!!!!!

Things are right with the world. I was starting to think it was over, the end of the world was near. But they lost. And I got some sex. Had a Big & Tasty McBurger. Got some money back from a friend who owed me and never paid up. Until now.

And now. The Cubs lose. WOO!!! Life is good. Life - Is - Good.

For all you Cubs lovers. I link to a past post on this very subject. I present to you, Jesus And The Cubs Fan. Enjoy.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAA!!!!! Oh, yeah. I feel soooooo good tonight.

I don’t know. Confused. Bizarro world. Who am I? Speechless. I think I may be converting back to a Christian for the time being. Because miracles do happen. Now if only we can get that return of Jesus thing going now.

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