Super-Villain Style

Tomorrow will be the last day for Katie Couric on the Today Show. She leaves to take a summer sabbatical, taking the time to prepare for her move over to CBS and the evening news slot. This story has had almost as much traction than the Pitt-Jolie baby thingie. By the way, exactly what was “it” that they had? I’m sorry. I really haven’t been paying attention.

Couric has been the co-host of the Today Show for nearly 15 years, taking the job after Deborah Norville was sent packing with her tail in between her legs. Couric made an admirable foe for host Bryant Gumbel, her perky, blah-blah-blah in comparison of his blah-blah-blah. You know, I can’t do this. I tried for a minute to do respectable hard-hitting entries. But I can’t do it. I just don’t care enough. And you have to care enough to want to do the news.

I guess that’s why Couric was named the new host of the CBS Evening News. Maybe she cares a lot, at least a lot more than me. Plus, she’s cute. Sure, she’s pushing 50, but it’s a hot 50. Sometimes I look at Couric and forget that she’s 49, and a mother of two. I bet her kids aren’t much younger than me. I think they both might be teen-agers. Maybe they’re 19 or something. Under the right circumstances, I could possibly become Couric’s new son-in-law. I bet she’d like that.

The only problem with the whole thing would be that I’d be far more into Mama Couric than I would my own wife. I’d love my wife, but I’d want to do her mother. I bet that makes me a sick pervert, wanting to do my mother-in-law. But I wouldn’t be able to help it, because I’ve been digging Couric since she came on the Today Show.

She wasn’t all that hot when she first came on. The short hair and the fat belly just didn’t do it for me. Plus, her clothing wasn’t all that revealing either. She sort of looked like Patricia Heaton during the early years of the Everybody Loves Raymond show.

In fact, both women went through the same transformation in terms of looks. It probably wasn’t during the same exact time, because Everybody Loves Raymond wasn’t on when Couric started the Today Show. But both women went through the same on-air transformation, where their looks got vamped up.

Unfortunately, Couric’s came about hers after her husband died of colon cancer. I guess, after going through that long bout of the disease with her husband, and finding herself all alone in the end, she felt the need to do something different, which included coloring her hair blonde.

But since then, she’s turned up the hot factor. The older she’s gotten, the sexier she’s become, her body becoming more toned, and her skin, more tanned. Before, I adored her. Now, I want her, which, I guess, makes it a good move on CBS’s part for getting Couric to switch. Because, before, I never watched the CBS Evening News. Now, I’ll at least be checking it out for the first month or so, just so I can continue seeing my girl.

Last night was 24 night. I missed Alias. I guess I’m going to have to get it off the Internet.

I’m sure a lot of other people missed Alias as well. 24 was probably the top choice of television viewers, followed by the crap they show on CBS, and then, and only then, Alias, which is kind of sad. I used to love this show, now I could hardly care less.

They should have showed it on Tuesday. Maybe they thought it would get creamed going against American Idol. I know Lost will probably take an ass whupping, because it’s the final night, the night America finds out if they have a talentless little girl, or a a gray-haired freak as their next American Idol. I can hardly wait. Almost the same feeling had when I was trying to figure out if I wanted sausage or pepperoni on my pizza.

Actually that wasn’t all that hard. I really don’t care for pepperoni, but I love sausage. You add some cheese and some olives to that bad boy, and you got yourself one dang good pizza. Hee-Haw! You got to put “hee-haw” there when you got “dang.” They just sort of possibly go together, like Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards.

And I know Charlie and Denise love pizza just like me and Jesus. Pizza is my most favorite food next to hamburgers. I was gonna type something else, but my boss walked by, and I was scared she would see me typing filth. I wouldn’t want her thinking i’m a filthy man. I like people thinking that I’m righteous, like Jesus.

See, there’s two things we have in common. I guess I do have a friend in this world.

I had actual work to do last week so I didn’t have time to play on the Internets. Theyforces that be had a brother down in the dungeon looking for cheese, or whatever the hell they wanted me to look for. I never found it, and by Friday afternoon, I was back in my seat, doing my old thing. So, now I’m back for the time being, back to my regular routine of doing a report or two and surfing the internets in between.

That’s why I’m able to hook you peoples up with a new post or two. What will the subject be about this time? Well, since it’s the end of the television season, with all the series finales and all, I decided to talk about some of the best season enders this year. Or better yet, I’m going to discuss how crappy this television year has been.

I can’t remember a year where I’ve watched less television. I’ve been completely bored with this year’s crop of shows. There’s nothing pulling me back for another round of broadcast shows next season. I saw some of the new shows coming up next year, and i could care less about any of them. Regular television just bores me. In fact, all television bores me.

But I won’t just crap over everything this year. I still had my regulars. 24 has been as good as it ever has this year, pretty much killing every former season regular in the process. Sure, it was overkill, and I wish President Palmer was still alive, but overall, it’s been a top notch group of shows. And the new gay president is right on point, and as evil as hell.

Many people have been bitching about Lost this year. And I must admit that ABC has been milking this show for all its worth. Between the occasional new episode or two, they’ve been hitting us with more reruns to shake the boogie with. And between the reruns they’ve been putting on these “retrospective” specials, which are essentially reruns with voice overs. It’s sickening. But when ABC actually does hit us with new episode, I’m usually left satisfied at the end. Sure, Lost is slow paced. And you don’t get all the answer you want right when you want them. But that’s okay. It’s part of why I like the show. It fits in with the Zen-like aspects of the show, meditative and surreal. If people want fast-paced action, they should check out a show like 24.

Another show people have been ripping on is the Sopranos, and I think it’s pretty much for the same reasons. They think the storyline, or lack of a storyline, has been lacking focus and a payoff. I think people know that this season of the Sopranos will probably end like their last one, with no real big payoff. But I view this season and their last one before this one as one long road leading to the big one, those few episodes of the last season of the show. Sure, the episodes have been slow-paced, but I’m enjoying them, anxiously waiting for the payoff.

A few other shows I’ve been watching are the Shield, the Office, Alias and Prison Break. Alias has been hit and miss, and I’m glad to see the show go. I hate Rumboldi. Prison Break has become more preposterous with each episode. I may not make it through next season. The Office has grown on me with each episode. It’ll probably stay on my viewing list. And the best of the bunch has been the Shield. I hated to see Lem go, but I love the fact that the writers were willing to off someone important and popular on the show. Plus, I look forward to how the story ends, especially with Forrest Whitaker in the mix.

I hear that Lost is one of the best shows on television right now. I’ve been so fooled into believing this that I started watching the show regularly this season. Last year, I think i saw four, maybe five, whole episodes. This year, I’ve seen all but one.

Up until this season, I really couldn’t sit through a whole episode. Usually, I would get sidetracked halfway through. Either I ended up doing something else, or I eventually flicked over to another show. The only shows I saw completely from last season were the first episode and the last one, the one where the black dude, the Asian, and the white dude are on the raft with the kid who gets kidnapped. In fact, I think I saw that episode at least three times because whenever they rebroadcast it, I always thought it was a new episode coming on, and I would end up watching the shit all over again. This season, I missed the first show, but I’ve seen the rest. And I must admit the show is a lot better this year than it was last. But that’s only because of the Internet.

The Internet is a great thing. There’s all this bullshit on it, all of these sites. And I think half are now devoted to this damn show, which I guess is cool. I mean, it’s great for researching. which is something I definitely had to do in order for me to keep watching this shit. Because I was sort of, uh, Lost. I didn’t know crap about what the hell was going on. I didn’t know any of the character’s names. I didn’t understand why the hatch was so important. And I had no idea why the numbers were so ominous to the fat dude on the show. What I needed was a little backstory, a little background character information. So, I went hunting through Google, and hit some of the forums to figure out what the deal was. And the shit I found out blew my mind.

This shit was mind boggling. In fact, this shit was so mind boggling that I can’t even describe half the crap that’s going on. This was on the level of, I don’t know, uh, the fuckin’ DaVinci Code (Joking)? This shit is a theory wrapped up in an enigma, wrapped up in ham, wrapped up in cheese, with salad dressing, pickles, and tomatoes, wrapped up in a pita. With me taking a bite. Hmmmm. Damn, I’m hungry. I think I better take me a little visit to the local Potbelly’s. By the way, who thunk up that shit. Why would you name your restaurant after something that sounds so inedible? That’s probably why they’re third on the list of mass marketed sandwich shops, although, Subway doesn’t sound so edible either. When have you been in a subway, and smelled and viewed your surroundings and said, “Damn, I’m hungry.”

Anyway, getting back on track. After I spent hours upon hours reading shit on Chinese mysticism, the theory of relativity, and quantum physics, I decided that I had to force myself to keep watching this bullshit. Sure, every episode pretty much ends where it begins with absolutely nothing happening. Sure, half the time I get sleepy watching this shit. Sure, I pretty much believe that the payoff, or the endgame as some of “them” call it, can’t live up to the setup and the hype. Still, if the people behind this show pull off half the shit I’ve read being speculated as the “endgame,” I gotta be there, witnessing the crap first hand. This could be some shit on the level of the Prisoner. And we all know that the Prisoner was top notch.