Damn. I had some new pictures to put up, but Blogger won’t let me, and I’m too lazy to resize and post links to them. I’ve been trying to post them for over the last two days. I still got three more Rosario Dawson’s and about 14 Nicole Narain’s from Smooth and XXL. I keep trying to post this shit, and it keeps blinking, and then nothing. And when I use Hello, I just get an error message after 10 fuckin’ minutes. I can’t deal with this shit.

By the way, The Franklin Show has undergo some changes. Since I doubt Beyonce would be stupid enough to pull an Eve move and scrap her successful music career for a crappy sitcom, I’ve dropped her from the show. And I’ve added none other than Kelly Rowland, her singing partner. Now you might say Kelly is kind of fucked up. But since she’s got rid of that crappy hairdo and started growing a tiny amount of fatback on her small frame, she’s started to look pretty decent. So, for now, she’s my new wife. Of course, this could change if I think of another really hot chick, or if some big-bootied latina pops before my eyes.

I’ve also decided to add a nemesis. Somebody like Newman. Everybody needs a Newman. I think I’ll call mine, Oliver Willis. This dude will be a really greasy black dude, somebody who looks like Al Roker, but younger. And he’ll live next door to me, always snooping on me like that beyotch from Bewitched, getting in my business, always talking shit.

See, he has problems with my Ebonics and my pure African blackness. He can’t stand that I come Kings and Queens from African, and he thinks I ain’t down for the right fuckin causes, which are all determined by him. Every show, I’ll call his greasy ass, Black Kojak, or Eightball Negro, or some other dumb shit like that. And in every episode, his ass will lose, even when I’m talkin’ complete and utter bullshit.

But shit, it’s my show. That’s how the shit’s gon’ be.

I hate network comedies. Why? Because those shows are completely unrealistic. They always got some fat greasy According-To-Jim type dude married to some hot mamacita like Courtney Thorne Smith. That shit ain’t right. How the fuck could a Jim Belushi-type dude end up with a hot piece of ass like Courtney? That shit don’t even look right.

And what’s even more amazing about this show is that they got a fat-headed giant belly dude playing Courtney’s brother. How the fuck did that ugly muthafucka come out the same womb that Courtney and her hot ass lil sister come out of? When I first caught that show, I thought that fat dude was just Jim’s buddy or co-worker. But they had to suspend that level of disbelief and make him part of the family. I swear, I completely lost it. I decided on that day that I would never watch that show ever again. Of course, I was lying.

I recently caught the show. And I could have sworn that Courtney’s headlights were showing. I’m thinking, that shit can’t be right. This is supposed to be a family show, right? And she has this tight ass sweater, or t-shirt, or whatever, and her nipples are poking right through. It was completely obvious. I couldn’t even pay attention to what was going on in the scene. Not that that really mattered much. I mean, it was According to Jim. But still, edit, reshoot the scene, do something. I know if I noticed that shit, everybody who watched that shit noticed it, too. Which makes it even more unbelievable that a greasy ass muthafucka like Belushi would be poking a hot piece of ass like Courtney on a regular basis. That shit ain’t right.

Hot chicks don’t end up with greaseballs, unless, of course, they got dough. Hot chicks end up with hot dudes, or fucked up dudes with major bank accounts. And average type chicks end up with decent looking dudes, or good looking dudes, or balding dudes with a little cash in the bank. If a beyotch is a crackhead, she ain’t fucking just another crackhead, she’s another crackhead who can get her crack, or a sober dude who can get her crack, or the muthafuckin’ crack dealer, himself. If you can’t get a beyotch crack, she ain’t fuckin with you.

It’s like the Clinton Plan. You got a beyotch like Hillary and she hooks up with some fucked up, hot wing eating redneck who wouldn’t mind slurping beer and killing possums all day. And she thinks, I ain’t fuckin with him, unless I get his ass doing something respectful, something I won’t be ashamed about. So, this Hillary chick nags and bullshits and pulls this Willy dude by his nuts all the way through law school, and ultimately, to politics. She gets his ass in the Governors chair, and later, into the presidency.

Now the thing is, this Willy type dude probably would have been just as happy back in Arkansas fuckin chickens and shit. But since this Hillary beyotch been programming his ass, this Willy dude can’t see himself without politics, or without her. He thinking, knowing this Hillary chick ain’t been all bad. I mean he ain’t in Arkansas, and he ain’t dead like he’s supposed to be, and part of him knows that he wouldn’t be healthy and rich if it wasn’t for this beyotch. And all he had to do was give his life up to her, lose any speck of personal liberty and freedom, and accept nagging as his primary way of communication. And shit, to get back at the beyotch, to rebel, all he has to do is bang fucked up greasy beyotches behind his woman’s back every once and awhile. And don’t it make that shit extra sweet when them affairs get leaked to the public.

The only thing Willy don’t know is that Hillary has been planning her own future as well. When he leaves the presidency, she’s planning on running for Congress. And that’s when the real bad shit starts. There’s a reason why chicks use the excuse that they’ve outgrown you. What that really means is that she was broke and fucked up when she met you, and now that she’s got a little dough, yo’ ass is history. See, Hillary has been plotting self-determination since the day she met him, and partly, she’s been using Willy to get there. Eventually Hillary will have outgrown Willy and she will eventually kick his ass to the gutter.

Now, that’s the type of shit a real family comedy should be based on. Let’s say a show is created called The Franklin Show. Now, I play this wise crackin, honky hating, black dude living in the city with his hot ass wife and their two adorable children. My wife would have to be played by somebody hot like Vanessa Williams. Now, you might find that choice quite odd because, well, Vanessa is kinda of old. But recently, I saw this Johnson Family Vacation movie and Vanessa Williams was looking kind of hot in that shit. In fact, I was staring at her ass more than I was looking at Beyonce’s sister, who plays the daughter in the movie. Funny thing, I kept laughing for no apparent reason whenever her ass popped on the screen. I think it had something to do with her being married and pregnant by the time she turned 17. If I didn’t know how rich and uppity the Knowles were, I could’ve sworn I grew up next to this fuckas in the projects.

Anyway, back to my show. I wouldn’t mind Vanessa playing my wife, although Beyonce would be nicer. Me and Beyonce live in this nice big fuckin house in the city, and her mother lives in the attic. Not the basement, but the attic. And across the street there’s this white Republican couple who always likes dropping by our house. They’d have to be named something really white like Biff and Tammy. Of course, I call them cracker or honky every show. I know this has been done before on the Jeffersons, but I’d put a new spin on it like hook-ass crackas, or Saltines, Saltine ass honkies, or Ritz eating devils, some shit like that.

And the new spin is that Beyonce, my hot wife, will be plotting and nagging me every episode into bigger and better things. And like a man, my job will be to keep her ass down with every opportunity. She’ll nag me to go for shitty ass jobs I don’t want, and I’ll be trying to get her pregnant every week. A beyotch ain’t good if she ain’t broke, naked and pregnant. And that’s what my character’ll be going for every week. And our kids’ll get in the act, too. Except they’ll be really fucked up. One of our kids’ll be a thirteen year old horny slut. And our seven year old boy’ll be killing small animals and trying to molest his best female friend. Of course, there will be a old white bitch on the show just so I can say I ain’t kissin’ no old white beyotch every other week.

I personally think this shit’ll be a classic, a fuckin’ hit. Plus, it’ll be edgy enough that the hipsters and the fuckin’ wasteland bloggers will write about my shit. Jesse, Sharpton and the other uppity negros will have to grandstand and protest against my amazing piece of work. The shit’ll blow up. Eventually, people will be saying my catchphrases on the street. And I’ll get tired of that shit. And when the show ends, I’ll go into seclusion and nobody will hear from me for decades. I’ll die. And the world will proclaim me the greatest comedian ever.

Yeah. I like that shit.

Police Probe Allegation Against Bill Cosby

Attorney Walter Phillips said he spoke Thursday with authorities in Pennsylvania who told him they have begun an investigation. He would not discuss the specifics of the allegation — which he called “utterly preposterous” — but said it amounts to, at the most, “inappropriate touching.”

It’s Friday. Fuck this blog. This blog can eat shit, at least until next week. Still, I wanted to continue my weekday stint of posting to this shit. I’m on a fuckin’ roll. And I don’t wanna kill my momentum just yet, or throw a shitty ass rerun at you. I’m saving that shit for when I really, really don’t give a fuck. Luckily, Cosby old crusty ass has helped in this endeavor. Because I had nothing. I was bone dry, and then I wake up to hear that Bill Cosby might have raped somebody. Just perfect.

Remember when that illegitimate child popped back up some years ago, how ole’ Cosby denied that shit. Well, we all know, deep in our hearts, that that kid is his. You just don’t put anybody’s kid through college and shit. And then we found out he cheated on his strong beautiful black woman with a, I dare say, with a WHITE WOMAN!

I was shocked. I grew up with Cosby all up in my grill with his nice upper-middle class television family, which seemed to mirror his actually family life, schoolin’ a brother on the vegetables and the puddin’. I respected his old ass. Then I found out about the, WHITE WOMAN! I can’t tell you how shocked I was. That crusty Cosby bastard should have had that Huxtable bastard bangin a White Woman on the side. Would have made that show more believable.

Now I find out he’s molesting chicks. And after he gets all up in everybody’s shit talking about poor black people don’t raise their kids right. Looks like his mama and daddy must have not raised him right. That beyotch wanna front at the NAACP, talking that shit, blah – blah – blahin’ all over the fuckin’ place, talking about how the lower class blacks have failed the middle and upper class blacks when it comes to the civil rights movement and education. Beyotch wanna act like poor blacks didn’t march, didn’t die for the cause. Beyotch, the poor didn’t fail your upper-middle class ass, you failed your upper-middle class ass. In fact, you failed the entire black race by cheating on your strong educated black woman with a WHITE WOMAN and having a fuckin’ baby with her, and lying about that shit when you got caught. Your puddin’ poppin ass failed us all. And you keep failing us, as long as you live.

That’s why in light of the current allegations, I suggest Bill Cosby do the honorable thing, the Japanese thing, and kill himself. That’s right. Commit Sucide. Commit suicide, Bill, and save us all from the embarrassment of knowing and once loving your rapin’, molesting, adulterous, WHITE WOMAN bangin ass. As of now, officially, you don’t mean shit. You don’t mean shit. And you should just die. You crusty ole’ bastard.

I love it when hot chicks do the weather. It makes the weather so much more important. The same goes for traffic. If you have a hot chick in front of that blue screen, that tells the audience that what’s going up on that television deserves their utmost attention. It’s like hearing that weird annoying emergency broadcast signal. Hot chick = Real Must See Television.

Now the chicks that do the weather and traffic don’t have to be hot, but they do have to be cute. No one wants to see an ugly chick do the weather or the traffic. I always wondered why the national morning shows don’t have hot chicks doing the weather. They tend to use the position to fill their negro quota. Hey, we don’t have a black person anywhere else on the show. Let’s have them do weather. America won’t mind.

For a while there, they were picking big fat black dudes. Then, CBS bucked the trend and hired annoying ass Dave Price. People that know Dave Price, know Dave Price. And we wish we didn’t. Because he’s evil. And annoying. And no where near funny. I think he used to be fat, too.

I wouldn’t mind if the national news people did a Univision and put a hot ass super mama on the television for the sake of the continued importance of the national weather reports, something that no one really watches, unless there’s a hot chick on the screen. I say, if you want the national weather reports to be taken seriously, the network should think about investing in a supermodel, or something like that. Give the job to Tyra Banks, or that annoying big breasted German chick, or one of those skinny broads. Maybe have them do the weather in bathing suits and mini-skirts. And if they really wanted to go all out, hire a former Playboy model, a porn actress, or a stripper. If they did that, I know I’d watch.

Go spanish and get a well known hot weather mama like Jackie Guerredo. If you haven’t seen Despierta America, you should, if only for the hot mamas on screen. They have the standard button up news chick, and the perky blond chick, and the sultry dark haired one, and Jackie. They couple them with a goofy guy and a fat guy, I suppose so no one gets the idea that the show ain’t all about the women. Which I never forget.

Spanish television tends to do that a lot, couple really hot chicks with really old ugly dudes. There’s this one show that comes on late at night where this really fat old dude is with this really greasy Latin dude, and they hang out with these two cute ass hot mamas and this former sultry novella chick. Only problem is that the fat old dude and the greasy dude get more air time and talk time than the three hot chicks. And I find that disgusting.

Outside of shit like that, the spanish never loose sight of the real reason these shows exist, you know that thing they call ratings. Unfortunately, our news women are too respectable for showing some cleavage and a lot of leg. They tend to keep the good parts covered. And they never over do the hot factor. Although I have seen that Chen chick vamp it up some in the looks department. I think she’s about ready to go full on Hollywood. I can see her doing a talk show with no panties on, and maybe a game show.

Oh, wait. That’s that other former news chick. I tend to get’em mixed up when they’re not naked.

Future Side Link:
25 All-Time Greatest American Comic Book Covers

This Mars beyotch is on. No fuckin’ Smackdown. Son of a BEYOTCH!

Please don’t preempt Smackdown. I need something to watch when the Presidential Debate comes on. I know I’m supposed to watch Kerry V Bush part 1, but I doubt if I’ll be able to make it through the whole event. I need something to switch back and forth to, like Smackdown. So, please UPN, please don’t interrupt my world with a crappy Fox News feed. Please.

Baby Jesus? Baby Jesus? I know we don’t talk much. I know I should pray more. But I’m asking you, just this once, besides the many times I ask for millions of dollars, please don’t let the devil interrupt WWE Smackdown for the political Lowdown. Please.

Thank You.

Cartoon Nets ‘Boondocks’

Like the strip, the series will revolve around the adventures of two boys, Riley and Huey, who experience a culture clash when they move from inner-city Chicago to the suburbs to live with their grandfather.

Whoo-Hooo!

Ken Jennings’s Back!

Ken Jennings’s Back!

Fuck him.

Been up almost 24 hours. Grilled shit all day yesterday. Relatives didn’t leave until after 2 in the night. I’m all hyped up. Hot as fuck. My people left the door open all day yesterday. Now the whole fuckin house is filled with mosquitoes. I’ve been swinging my arms all night. And scratching. Red bumps all over my body. So, if you don’t hear from me again, I just may have dropped from West Nile or Yellow Fever, something like that.

I’m actually pretty bored as well. Hyped up and bored, bad combination. Last vacation break until the winter. And I’m hear writing up this bullshit. But at least you all get two posts from me today. Two posts about utter bullshit. But still.

I’ll eventually fall off in awhile. Watch some news. Maybe a talk show. I think the soaps are on today. Sleep during the Bold and the Beautiful. Maybe I’ll eventually catch an episode of General Hospital. I actually used to watch General Hospital after school. Fortunately I caught it when it was good. Carly had just come on the show and she was sleeping with her mama’s husband. Only her mama didn’t know that she was her daughter. And her mama eventually caught her in bed with her husband, which would have been Carly’s step father. So, she was really sleeping with her own daddy. Now that’s some backwater shit.

Then she married her mama’s husband after they divorced and slept with this dude named A.J.. Now A.J. had a brother who he fucked up in a car accident. And the local thug took A.J.’s brother under his wings and made him his top dog. Carly was sleeping with A.J. and his brother and she got her slutty ass pregnant. She was hoping the baby was her mama’s ex-husband, her current husband. But she feared it could be A.J.’s. Fortunately for Carly, A.J. was a stinking drunk and he blacked out when he had done her in the taint area, so he didn’t remember shit. But Carly was afraid he would remember. So, she drugged his ass, stuffed him in a laundry basket, rolled his ass out to the back in the alley, dumped him on the ground and poured liquor on his ass. A.J. woke up and thought he had fell off the wagon. His family turned their backs on him. And I forget what happened next.

At some point A.J. gets something, maybe a DNA test and finds out with a black chick (all soaps have a black chick) that Carly drugged him and that he’s the father of Carly’s baby. Carly’s mama’s ex-husband goes nutty. A.J. threatens to take the kid from Carly. And then some weird soap shit happens. Somehow Carly convinces A.J. that the kid’s not his because A.J. and the kid have different blood types. Bullshit. But A.J.’s dumb ass falls for it, and he’s convinced that the kid must be his brain damaged thug brother’s. After that, shit happens and I start to care less and I stop watching because I have better grown man shit to do.

(If you mention this post to anyone, I’ll swear I never wrote it. Someone hacked into the system. It wasn’t me. I’m not me.)

No Class

Or is it No Duty.

Har-Har-Har.

Julius Schwartz is dead.

Actually, he’s been dead for a couple of days but I’m just getting around to recognizing it. I’ve been too busy being vulgar. I hate when I get vulgar. I wish I had class. But I have no class, no class at all. I think I should get some class, be full of class. But I might have to go to class-class. Catch a subject on class. Then I’d stand out as a beacon of wonder in this classless society. I’d be better than the rest of the class. I’d be ahead of the class, the top of the class. The top cat.

…rather than simply pick up the adventures of the original Flash where they had left off seven years earlier, Schwartz reimagined the concept, created a new Flash, brought in a new writer and artist with fresh ideas and turned the rather static Flash into a dynamic hero.

Such was the success of the character that Schwartz went on to recreate a string of other faded stars, including Green Lantern, Hawkman, the Atom and the Justice League of America. To fans, this was the dawn of the “Silver Age” of comic books; the revived fortunes of National’s superheroes prompted their rivals, Marvel Comics, to create their own line-up of new heroes, thus giving birth to Spider-Man, the Fantastic Four, the Incredible Hulk and others.

Hey, hey, hey!

It’s Octavius

Well, I’m gonna sing a song for you
Walk down the street with a hand full of doo-doo
Ho I ain’t sane
Need fiber and whole grains
Burning without rubbers
Play wit my ding-a-ling

Na, Na, Na
Gonna have a good time
Hey, Hey, Hey!

Na, Na, Na
Gonna have a good time
Hey, Hey, Hey!

Or something like that. It’s always something like that.

TV & Cartoon Theme’s

It’s Monday. No fun day. No happy to go back to work day. Got to get up early. No stay uppa all nighty. Which makes me wanna cryee. Whyee — Boyee.

Doesn’t Renee Zellweger look better chunky than skinny. Some chicks look better with a little more meat on’em. Instead, a lot of women — let me rephrase that — a lot of white chicks think it’s better to look rail boney, than super-fat-booty healthy.

I like healthy chicks, thick women. At least, sometimes. I mean, you can have too much of a good thing. Once a woman goes over 140, she’s pushing it. And 200 means you’re just greasy. But that doesn’t mean big chicks don’t need love, too, right Big Boi. And I know some big chicks that’ll break a dude’s back lovely, big grin in the end and all. And the grin in the end is all that matters, right? Right?

Well, maybe not, especially if you’re in pain, and your backs pulsing and you wanna cry. But, I say be a man. Take it like a man would, like Jack Nicholson would, like Warren Beatty would, like Wilt Chamberlain would. Give as good as you get. Someone hits you, hit back harder. Smack the booty like a certified pro, even if hips shatter and all that. Be a man for once in your goddamn life. Now get up, go outside, find a fat chick, and bang it like the mighty hammer of Thor. GO!

I don’t watch a lot of reality television. I saw the first two Survivors. The Joe Schmo Show was somewhat funny, and somewhat interesting. Every once in a while I’ll check out an episode of the Real World. But for the most part I stay away from it.

I don’t even find the Osbournes all that interesting. In fact, I think I’ve only sat through one complete show from beginning to end. Now, I must admit I check out the Real World to see how completely unreal it’ll get. For the most part, the newer versions of the show only appeal to me for the slut factor. The women on the last couple of editions of the show have been really hot, really mental, and really slutty. People need to start a drinking game based on how many times Robin’s titties bounce when she moves in those flimsy t-shirts.

There I go talking about titties and ass again. Yeah. I know. It’s boring. But I can’t help myself. Titties and ass rule the world. If there were more titties and ass in the world, we’d have less war and more, titties and ass. The world would be a better place with more nudity. Nudity, nudity, nudity, all day, all night, everywhere. Don’t listen to the prudes. More nudity doesn’t make society worser, it makes society better. I have no proof of this, no research or studies or anything. It’s just something up here, in my brain. Or down there, in my brain. Pick one.

I hate to be on one note all the time. But outside of a really good plot, a really great story, or some really superb acting, the only thing that’ll get me to watch a show or a movie is sex and nudity. I’ll watch weird shit like Mulholland Drive, and bullshit like Original Sin just for that one scene of titty and ass and fake simulated sex. It’s one of the reasons I paid to see Monster’s Ball. I thought it was a decent film, not the best shit I’ve ever seen. But seeing Halle buck naked, ass, titties and all, riding fucked up Billy Bob Thorton, made up for a pretty slow paced film.

It’s the only reason why I watch Porky’s, Porky’s 2, and all the other Porky’s bullshit when it comes on cable. The same with most horror flicks. And BBC America. Titties and ass makes up for pretty much everything. Trust me. I know these things.