Super-Villain Style

The Chairman speaks on Kurt Angle

Kurt Angle has been released from the WWE. Even though the company line says it was mutual, many inside sources say that Angle was released for over-medicating himself. He’s worked through several nagging injuries over the past few years, including broken ribs, and, of course, his broken neck, and he’s still been able to wrestle better than most wrestlers on the WWE roster. In fact, he’s wrestled better than most men on any of the major wrestling circuits. That’s why it was such a shock when the news broke. And it will be a great loss not having Kurt Angle work regularly inside the four corners.

But the greater concern was on his health. Mentally, the man couldn’t be right. Personally, he was going through a divorce, with rumors having his soon-to-be ex-wife pregnant with another child. And professionally, Angle has been noted as saying that he was in so much pain that he couldn’t even think straight. And the only way he was able to control that pain was with painkillers. He had come to rely on the pill so much over that he became one of the first suspended in WWE’s new Wellness program.

What made things worse is that Angle, even with the intense pain, still went full throttle when he worked his programs. And this, of course, led to more injuries, recently suffering a groin injury which took him out of a three-way match with RVD and Sabu. Seeing that nothing good could come with letting Angle continue wrestle, Vince McMahon called for a meeting between the two. And from this meeting, it was decided that Angle should take some time off.

So, that’s where we stand, one of the greatest wrestlers of all time, sitting on the bench. If it weren’t for him, the newfound legitimacy that pro wrestling has recently received wouldn’t be. I doubt if Shelton Benjamin, Brock Lesnar, or Bobby Lashley would have considered pro wrestling a viable career choice if it weren’t for Angle.

Angle approached his fake matches as if they were real one. His intensity and planning in the ring made the whole spectacle look true. And that’s because Angle approached it as if it were true. His matches, his mat work, his stunts and spots all carried the intensity and the integrity of a man he won a gold medal in the Olympics.

And that’s why you never knew if Angle would win or lose. Because he was known to lose when he believed the match and the storyline called for it. And he almost always made his opponent look better than they were. Every wrestler, every booker, knew if you wanted someone to have a good match, you paired them with Angle. And because of that, the wrestling world will be losing a grand master of the art.

But I think it can be stated, it might be for the best. If Angle’s mental and physical health is of any of his co-worker’s or fan’s concern, then this extended leave of absence that Angle has been forced to take can only be good. And here’s hoping that the Wrestling Machine gets back healthy, that he gets his life back right, rather he returns to the ring or not, because, coming from one fan, that’s all anyone can ask to granted to someone who has given so many so much.

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Here’s a quick one. I ran across a video of RVD and Sabu getting busted by the po-po for speeding. They would later be charged with drug possession after the pig smelled the weed emanating from the car. RVD would later be stripped of his ECW title and suspended for 30 days. I think Sabu was only fined 1,000 big ones.

Anyway. Here it is.

Bullshit. First I find out that my little cousin will be doing a couple of years downstate. Now this shit. It’s a great way to start a week. I feel like shit.

Guerrero collapses and dies in hotel room, more details

Now. Let’s switch gears. My first Raw pick would be for Taijiri. Smackdown looks like it might be giving some shine to the Cruiserweight Division. And I’d rather have a sure and steady hand anchoring the division if I could. Plus, London will need another heel to go against after his shit with Chavo and Kidman wears thin. And Taijiri makes a decent heel. Sure, we probably won’t see Taijiri but every other week. But look at his stint on Raw. The dude has the title belts and is barely seen on that show. And when Eugene finally comes back, and they decide to pair Regal back with him, if only for Regal to stab the retard in the back and turn heel again, Taijiri will surely be toast, and will return to obscurity on Heat. At least on Smackdown, he’ll get a little camera time facing the occasional opponenet. And that’s better than nothing.

My second pick from Raw would be for Rob Conway. La Resistance is dead. It’s a joke. There’s no returning the gimmick from the dead. Those two need to break up. Get Conway off of Raw. Pair him up with another mid-carder like Haas. Give them a good mouthpiece like Heyman. And you have another good team of wrestlers for the Smackdown tag team divison. If you add the returning Dudleys, the new tag team champions, MNM, the new Conway - Haas team, and some makeshift team of two upper mid-carders who haven’t been booked to do anything better, and you have yourself a decent tag team division.

My third pick is for someone that many Raw viewers behold dearly, Christian. Christian will always be an upper mid-carder for life, but on Smackdown, he could actually main event. Think JBL, but with better in ring wrestling skills. Separate Christian from Tomko. Let him comtinue as the smug-ass creepy little bastard. And let him go against the likes of Eddie Guerrero, Kurt Angle and Rey Mysterio. Give him an occasional television match against Cena. And what you have is the rejuvenation (is that a word?) of another wasted wrestler. Trust me. He doesn’t need to be on Raw any longer. He’s reached the ceiling. You can only fight for the Intercontinental Chamionship so many times before it gets stale. He’s fought everyone on Raw, and lost, three times at least. The dude needs a change. He needs the chance to redeem himself. And that’ll only coome from being sent to Smackdown.

My next pick is in the same spot as Christian. And his name is Chris Jericho. I still remember CHris Jericho becoming the first Undisputed WWE Champion. I also remember the Rock punking him out by calling him a bitch. But Chris Jericho rose to the occasion and put on several good matches against the Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin. He would eventually get crushed by the devil, Triple H, and his demon wife, Stephanie. He would lose the title, and after some time, return to the mid-card hell he’s resided since that initial crushing. His return to Raw, a couple of years after being traded to Smackdown, started out great, but eventually, he ended up stuck fighting for the Intercontinental Championship, over and over again. It’s way beyond fresh. And that’s why Jericho needs to return to Smackdown and take his place in their smaller heavyweight division. Keep him face, turn him heel, I don’t care. Just get this man off of Raw where he’s being completely wasted. Maybe he’ll finally get the belt back and have that title reign we all hoped he’d have several years back.

My last pick may be a little controversial. I honestly don’t know if this one will see the light of day. But I think it’s a good one. It’s for Randy Orton. This dude has main event written all over him. But he won’t get that slot on Raw. It’s already taken by a slew of elders, headed by Triple H. But on Smackdown, there seems to be more room for growth. Plus, Smackdown needs a top heel to face their new champion, John Cena, someone who can cut a good promo and follow through with that shit in the ring. If Eddie Guerrero had that somebody, his title reign might have been perceived better. Instead, the boys upstair had to make a main eventer from scratch out of the likes of JBL. And it has had mixed results. Maybe with a better heel to compete against, Cena’s title run might be remembered more fondly. I give it a year or two. Orton will be main eventing PPVs for Smackdown. Give him a heel crew, like the Four Horsemen, and let Orton be the smug little bastard I hear he really is. Trust me, he’ll get over big. And he won’t have Triple H there to make him turn face and take his title away a month later. He’ll be able to run free. And we could see a rivalry that might match Hogan and Savage, Savage and Steamboat, Hart and Micheals. Of course, this completely depends on if Cena ever learns how to truly wrestle.

My first pick from Smackdown would be for Dawn Marie. Raw needs new females for their Women’s division. Dawn Marie has shown a basic understanding of in ring wrestling. She’s also pretty respectable when it comes to cutting a promo. Plus, she’s always been willing to show a little T&A, which I presume is a prerequisite to wrestling in the WWE. The division needs an extra player to do the job when needed, and to take the place for Lita when she eventually breaks another part of her body. If you add another rookie female, like one of those no-name divas, you’ll have a halfway crappy Women’s Division. And I’m sure Torri can find another nemesis to beat in bikini and lingerie contests over on Smackdown, like that Joy chick, who looks pretty killer, and seems to be able to pronounce words, and other shit like that.

My next pick would be the Basham brother that’s angry because he’s JBL’s lap dog. I don’t know either of the Bashams names. And I can’t really tell them apart, and it’s not because they look alike. It’s because they both have shown no personality until recently. The dudes are pretty interchangable. And that’s bad because I heard they were two pretty decent wretlers. It’s also why they need to be split up. Give one of them a solo shot on Raw, and make the other tag with another no-name wrestler on Smackdown.

The third pick would be for a person a lot of you seem to love, RVD. I find the dude boring and predictable. I just don’t see him fulfilling those main event dreams that a lot of his fans have. And Smackdown already has a man like him on the roster, somebody most people like, but who’s past his prime. And that’s Booker T. Smackdown doesn’t need another Booker T, who’s seems to have found his spot on the Smackdown roster. That’s why RVD should go back to Raw and perform in the upper mid-card and Intercontinental division until his contract runs out.

My fourth pick would be the first of my two picks to help solidify Batista’s championship run. Big Show.may not seem like much, but when given the spotlight, the man tends to shine. He has decent wrestling skills, and he can cut a promo. He was one of the men who helped Brock Lesnar go from a one dimensional monster, to the real next big thing. Like Lesnar, Batista needs an opponent people believe can actually beat him. Like Hogan needed his giant, Batista needs the Big Show. Sure, you won’t get great matches out of these two. But you will get several memorable moments. I still can’t forget Lesnar suplexing Big Show off the ropes with the ring collapsing when both men hit the mat. When you have minimal skills like Batista, you need to up the ante on the spectacle. We need to see Batista powerbombing and picking up 500 pounds, or whatever, of fat ass Big Show for him to get over.

My last Smackdown pick would be for another big man, the one who’s a year or two from calling it quits. And that man’s name is the Undertaker. Listen. Let’s just say that the Undertaker is on some farewell tour right now. He’s only been wrestling every once in a while for the past year. He knows it’s the end. That’s why I assume he went back to the old gimmick, to give the people what they want on his way out. And his shit ain’t even about the wrestling anymore. It’s all about the spectacle. Might as well say he’s doing some Hulk Hogan-lite shit right about now. He does his entrance. He does his eye rolling shit in the ring. He tombstones somebody. And he goes home. What better place to do this shit than on Raw. He gets the pop of a live crowd. He can get his final main event title shot against Batista, possibly in a steel cage. Mick Foley could show up unannounced one night to set up a return engagement between the two. We can finally get that Undetaker - Shawn Micheals rematch we’ve all been waiting for. And he’ll get to do it all on the flagship show, Raw. Plus, with Kurt Angle being another part-timer, Smackdown really doesn’t need the both of them. I say, let the old man go out in a blaze of glory. Let us get the spectacle on the show that’s always been about spectacle, the flagship, starship Enterprise, RAW.

I feel bad for my girl Jen. That big lipped beyotch, Angelina Jolie, went and ganked your man. If I was you, honey-chile, I’d stab that beyotch. Ho’ don’t be fuckin around wit yo man. Uh-uuuh. I don’t think so. I don’t give a fuck. I’d cut her fat-lipped ass. Nut suckin’ stank ass hoe.

I’m glad I got that out of my system. Now I can continue on discussing things of importance, like wrestling. I’ve been holding off on my critique of the two new champions until their title reigns have gone on for some time. It’s been about a month, and pretty much they both suck like I thought they would. But one has been sucking more than the other. And the other sucker is none other than Batista.

The dude really needs to drop some of that muscle. He’s stiff as a muthafucka in the ring. And he stinks up the arena with every passing match. But the people still love him. They chant his name. They want him to succeed. And the only way for him to succeed is to match him with wrestlers that will compliment his style.

Unfortunately, he’s a face, and there aren’t that many great heels on Raw that match up well with him. He’s a big guy who needs to face big heels people believe will do him major damage. And he won’t get those players until after the draft.

There. I’ve gone and started up about the draft again. But there’s a reason for that. It’s the only thing interesting about wrestling these days. I could care less about the match ups on either of the WWE shows. And that’s why I’m looking forward to the shake up that should come from a slight roster retooling.

Sure. The rosters really need a major retooling, and possibly some big name new blood. But that ain’t happening. Triple H ain’t going to Raw. And I doubt that Kurt Angle would easily give up the position he has over on Smackdown to go over to the Triple H show.

No matter how great you are in the ring, Triple H will eventually suck the soul from your body. Just look at Chris Jericho and Chris Benoit, two of the best wrestlers on Raw, continually playing second fiddle to Triple H on the Triple H show. If these two men remain on Raw, they’ll continue to be tormented in mid-card hell.

So let me put forth, for the last time, I promise, what I believe could conceivably be some of the trades that happen in the May WWE fake draft. My picks are based on what I believe could happen, with what I believe should happen. In my next entry, I’ll begin picking five from each roster, first, starting with Smackdown.

I can’t believe this shit. It’s unbelievable, said as if I was doing a really bad Barbarino impression. They gave my man, Matt Hardy, the pink slip this week. Why? Because his stank ass woman, Lita, cheated on him with his greasy ass ex-friend, Edge.

How the fuck does that go. I do nothing wrong. I work my ass off from a leg injury. I’m told that I’ll get my spot back at Wrestlemania in a six man ladder match. And the next thing I know, I find out my girl has been secretly talking to my best friend behind my back. I break up with the slut. I’m taken off Wrestlemania because the boys upstairs believe I might go off on my greasy ass ex-friend, and not in a fake good way. I’m told I’ll get put back into rotation after Wrestlemania. And instead, they fire my ass right after the big show. Now if that isn’t a crap load of, well, crap, I don’t know what else is.

And I bet it hurts even more that that sleazy ass ex got featured on Wrestlemania, even though she’s still injured, and she sucks at wrestling to begin with, and the best friend she cheated on him with won the ladder match and will get a future program with the world champion. Now my man, Hardy, who I hoped would be traded to Smackdown to help build a decent upper mid-card division is now most likely TNA bound, to rejoin his brother Jeff, and possibly regain tag team gold, even though on a lesser scale.

I can honestly see Hardy in the X Division, although he might be a little too big, or possibly in the heavyweight division, taking on Jeff Jarrett, the current champion, and part TNA owner.

Batista defeats Triple H in a halfway decent match
Cena defeats JBL in the crapfest of the night.
Angle beats HBK in the predicted match of the night
Mysterio defeats Guerrero for nothing
Stratus defeats Hemme in another crapfest
Akebono over Big Show in another really big shitfest
Undertaker kills Orton in a not-so-bloody matchup
And Edge wins the ladder match, and a future heavyweight shot against Batista

This year’s Wrestlemania isn’t as fully loaded as last year’s. There only will be three title defenses this year. They’ve kept off the Intercontinental Championship, the United States Championship, both tag titles, and the Cruiserweight Championship. The only three titles that will be defended are the two heavyweight championship titles, and the Women’s Championship title. I have no idea why they’re having a Women’s Championship match. Perhaps it has something to do with the popularity of Christy Hemme, who was just featured in a Playboy pictorial. It probably won’t be that great of a match, simply because Hemme can’t wrestle. I assume they’re having the match so we can see Christy in that skimpy pink outfit of hers. It’s T&A without blatantly being T&A.

The funny thing is that the two heavyweight matches probably won’t be that great either. For the Smackdown title, we have the reigning champ, JBL, against the white boy street thug, John Cena. They both can’t really wrestle worth shit, so this shit should be mostly power moves, possibly a brawl, with JBL getting busted open. Hopefully, Cena won’t win. I think if he wins, his heat will go way down. A main event face is only good when he has a top heel to go against, and he’s chasing the title. Right now, JBL is the top heel, and he’s pretty good at it. It just doesn’t make sense for him to lose the title just yet. Plus, I think JBL still needs to have that title hanging over his shoulder to continue to keep his heel heat. Without it, he’s just a pretty decent mid-card heel.

The other sloppy match is for the Raw title, which is between Triple H, the champ, and Batista, his former protege. Batista can’t wrestle worth crap either, which means that this match should be mostly plodding power moves also. The match will probably be better only because Triple H, no matter how much you hate him, is still a pretty damn fine wrestler. And also, Batista still has that public face shine, if only because people really want Triple H to get his ass kicked. That’s why I predict Triple H will lose to Batista. The public really wants it. I suspect that’s the main reason Batista still has people chanting his name. Give it a couple of months, and like Randy Orton, people will be begging Batista to turn back heel, which might not be such a bad thing. A heel champion Batista seems better in the long view than a face champion Batista. But I guess it depends on how crappy Batista’s post Wrestlemania reign is.

After the two heavyweight matches, the third most important match on the card is the Kurt Angle v Shawn Micheals inter-brand showdown. I honestly can’t predict the outcome of this shit, but it should be good. Both wrestlers are still pretty good in the ring. And they both know how to pace that shit and put on a show. Nothing’s really on the line. Neither man will face each other after Wrestlemania. At least I don’t think so. And I don’t believe one man’s back stage clout outweighs the other. So, who knows how this shit will end up, but this should be the match of the night, if not the match of the year.

Next up is Randy Orton v the Undertaker. This one seems pretty easy to predict. Undertaker has an undefeated streak going into this Wrestlemania like always. Orton is going out with shoulder surgery after Wrestlemania. I just don’t see Randy Orton winning this shit. They could do something crazy and unpredictable, but I doubt it. This shit should be brutal though, with Randy Orton ultimately doing some heavy blading and bleeding all over the fuckin’ place. This shit should be all about spectacle, leading up to a bloody Orton getting tombstoned either on an announce table or on some hard surface. This shit should be all about Randy Orton looking good while getting his ass kicked, much like Shawn Micheals and Mick Foley before him.

The crappiest, and possibly quickest match, on the card should be the Akebono v Big Show match. I personally see no purpose in having this match, other than they really wanted Big Show doing something during the big show. This shit can only end like crap, either with a draw, or a disqualification, or with Akebono winning, which I just don’t see Big Show putting up with. I doubt if this shit lasts longer than five minutes. In fact, I suspect the Piper’s Pit segment with Stone Cold will last longer, with Stone Cold stunning Roddy Piper, or somebody. Shit, somebody has to get stunned for that shit to be worth anything.

The last two matches are pretty much throwaway matches. They could’ve been far more, but current storylines and politics probably prevented that shit. Rey Mysterio v Eddie Guerrero was supposed to be Booker T v Eddie Guerrero, but Booker T fucked himself over and put on some horrendous matches earlier this year, one, a preview between him and Guerrero. That’s probably why they still had Booker T in that Pulp Fiction trailer instead of Mysterio. They just didn’t have enough time to change that shit. Anyway, Mysterio took the place as Eddie’s tag team partner, and now we have a pretty good match up between the two. Too bad this match ain’t for a title or something. It could’ve brought added heat to the match. But still, on paper, this should be the second best match on the card, if it’s given enough time.

The other inconsequential match is the Money-In-The-Bank Ladder Match between, Edge, Christian, Benoit, Benjamin, Jericho, and Kane. This match is for a future heavyweight title defense. This match should have been for the Intercontinental title. But I understand why it isn’t. You have three main eventers participating: Benoit, Jericho and Edge. I’m sure the bookers, and maybe even the wrestlers, didn’t want to be fighting for some second tier title since they want to continue to look like they’re still in the hunt for the heavyweight title. Fighting for the Intercontinental title would lower their status, Edge said as much on camera, defending why he didn’t want the tag titles. It’s one of the good problems Raw has, it’s overloaded with main eventers.

That’s why I’ll continue to say that Jericho and another top wrestler, maybe Orton when he comes back, or Edge, needs to be shipped over to Smackdown after Wrestlemania. Jericho shouldn’t be going for the Intercontinental title again. He could actually be main eventing Raw or Smackdown. The same with Edge or Orton. Earlier, I wanted Edge, but I wouldn’t mind Orton, with possibly a defection by Matt Hardy, since Edge and Matt Hardy shouldn’t be on the same show together, which is one of the reasons why Kane is in a match he has no business being in.

But I won’t go any further into trades that may or may not happen. For now, I’m half-heartedly looking forward to tonight’s show. It doesn’t seem like it’s much. But who knows, this could be the greatest Wrestlemania ever. I just wrote that last shit to seem optimistic. I don’t really mean it.

Wrestlemania 21
Vote for Your Favorite Trailer

Man, wasn’t it amazing. You know, seeing Cena finally do something worthwhile, FUing Teddy Long. One of the greatest character developments in recent pro wrestling history. Now all that matters is what they do next. Because over the next month or so the creative team will have to walk a pretty fine line. I mean, we all love Teddy Long. But we also want someone to root for, someone like Cena. And Cena and Long will have to play their cards just right to pull this shit off.

That fine line will include Long possibly having to forgive Cena pretty quickly, but also doing or saying something inadvertently to piss Cena off in the process. The audience will have to understand why Cena is reacting so negatively to this incident. And this will have to lead to JBL taking advantage of the two men’s conflict, because he is the one clear bad guy. And the whole scenerio would play out like one great comic book epic.

I want to say Batman, but that’s not quite right. You’re Gordon and you have a vigilante in your city. You’re a straight and narrow cop and you play by the books. But this new vigilante gets results. So, you don’t know if you should love or hate this new force to be reckoned with. You don’t know if you should hunt this guy down, or use him in the good fight against crime. And ultimately, you will find yourself doing both in accordance to the situation. That ultimately should be the new Long - Cena relationship. With JBL playing the Joker.

Which is why I think JBL should keep the belt at Wrestlemania. A good hero is only good when he’s fighting the good fight. Take the Rock. There’s a reason he was known as the People’s Champ. Because he could rarely get his hands on the real thing. The Rock only became legendary when he found his archnemesis, Triple H.

If you look at most of those matches, the Rock lost. He was always on the losing end. But that was only because he was always getting screwed over by Triple H, and the McMahons, and DX, and Stone Cold through some sort of foul play and trickery. It was always somebody. Which is why it always felt so good when he would eventually win. The audience had been along for the ride, and had been through the bumps and bruises, and the ups and downs, that when the Rock would eventually win, it felt like everybody had won.

Of course, none of this matters unless Cena stops play acting in the ring. It always looks like Cena is going through the motions when he wrestles, and he’s always playing to the crowd. And that finisher just doesn’t look like much, which can all be attributed to Cena’s wrestling skills. He just hasn’t been able to sell his own moves.

Hulk Hogan had a leg drop for a finisher. The Rock dropped an elbow. At least on the surface, these aren’t two of the greatest finishers in history. But trust me, when you saw these two men use’em, it was electrifying. And that’s because they sold the hell out of the move. They forced their opponents to act accordingly. They knew just when to hit that finisher. They both had whole acts set up before the big move. The Rock’s shit was the best, stripping the arm band off and tossing it in the crowd, the little dance afterwards with that kick. And BAM! Shit was over.

Why can’t Cena pull this shit off. He has the FU and the 5 knuckle shuffle. And he can’t sell either one. Because he’s too busy playing to the crowd, pumping his shoes up and shit. It’s sickening. What’s also sickening is the racism shown towards his character.

Cena, like Stone Cold before him, took a role type and expanded it. Stone Cold was the redneck, backtalking, beer drinking, yokel taking it to the man. And Cena is the trailer park, hood raised, street kid, well, uh, taking it to the man. Would people tell Stone Cold to stop acting so white trash? Nope. Because that’s part of his appeal. But I read shit about people not wanting Cena to act so street or ghetto.

It’s bullshit. Do I believe Cena over does it with the pronunciations? Yep. But would I ask him to drop the personae that brought him to the dance? Hell no. It’s a part of his appeal. He’s the first wresling character to fully adopt the new street culture, the street culture that was first introduced by the Rock. And yeah, it’s unfortunate that it had to be a white guy to truly do it. But it’s America. Ain’t it always a white man. Still, if he were to completely change now, it would be a slap in the face to all of the people who have stuck by his character over the passed few years.

And you know how much I hate traitors.