A New Leaf.
Woo-Hoo! Me back. Me back, I say.
Yeah. It ain’t January 5th. But it’s close. Real close. I mean I could have written this crap up and had it sit on my hard drive for a day and do absolutely nothing tomorrow. But did I do that? Nooooooo. You know why? Because I love you bas–.
Oops. Forgot.
I’m going to try and stop writing and saying cuss words. It’s part of my many New Year’s resolutions.
No more cussing. No more hanging out with women that aren’t my girlfriend. No more BET and MTV. No more pornography. No more masturbation. No more hanging out with people that drink and smoke and do drugs. No more of any of that stuff. I’m going on the straight and narrow. I’m going to start living my life right. Today, hip-hop, rock and all that filthy music is dead to me. It’s dead. And Coolio. I will no longer pick on you. Because you are one of God’s creatures.
I will stay away from the MacBurgers and fries and stop lusting after hot pregnant chicks. I will find my moral center and stay true to it. I will stop corrupting the minds of youths and youthful teen-age girls who are barely legal enough to get dirtied up.
No more pirated software. No more downloading mp3s and divx movies that I haven’t properly paid for. No more cracks and hacks. No more leeching. No more porn site visiting. No more rubbing my nipples to Page 3 girls. No more.
I will finally take that job teaching the retards of the world. I will not write or say retard ever again. I will vote Republican and hate liberals for all the filthy crap they are worth. Reagan will become my surrogate father. No more parties, folks. I’m down for the clean living.
So, good-bye Maxim, FHM, Stuff, Playboy. You are gone from my life. And in your place I will bring in Baby Jesus. So, expect a change people. No more filth from this site. You can stop visiting my site from Google for playmate pics I don’t have. No more links to evil, sinful material. Today is the start of something new and righteous and beautiful. Today is our first day of salvation together.
Enjoy.
Sincerely,
Reverend Octavius, your brother.
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