Mechanical Parts
Someone asked me recently why I don’t drink. I pretty much get asked that question alot. Not drinking seems almost as worse as molesting children, or fuckin horses and chickens in the ass. Drinking is a pretty big part of the youth culture. I don’t know how it is when you’re older. But if you’re a young dude who doesn’t drink these days, you might as well lock your ass in a hole and never come out. Because nobody wants a sober person around them when they’re about to act a fool.
I usually answer these people with a I just don’t drink. I really don’t feel like getting into detailed shit with mostly strangers. But to make it clear, me not drinking is pretty similar to good girls going wild. You know the story, when a chick who’s been brought up strict and finally gets a chance to break free, usually in college or some place else, far away from her parents, and goes wild and slutty and drinks and whores herself out to the campus. You know, shit like that. Me, I’m that shit in reverse.
I was brought up with fucked up adults offering little kids sips of beer and wine. You want some beer, Ronny. You wanna sip. Here take a sip. I had older dudes letting me take puffs off of their cigarettes. I had chicks offering me weird shit. You want some titty to go along with that beer. Here take some titties with that beer and cigarettes. I was brought up in bizarro world. Before I was ten I had had beer, weed, titty shots and cigarettes. By the time the pubs hit, the only thing I still really wanted was the titties. Unfortunately, I needed more titties. If I didn’t have these hormones rollin through me, I might have actually been turning down the titties. Weird.
Now you might say after reading that last paragraph that my life was on some ole Michael Jackstone Neverland shit. Well, shit wasn’t that bad. I didn’t have people giving me the bad touch. But I did happen to be acquainted with a lot of slutty young girls, or really fucked up young girls, little women who probably were going through some Jacko shit at home. Sometimes I feel bad because I probably wouldn’t have felt a girl up, or got laid at all if it wasn’t for many of these low self-esteem chicks. Unfortunately, the cities breed these chicks like weeds.
Much like they breed the fucked up adults who raise their kids to get high and talk ebonics and use foul language, sort of like I do. But fortunately, in certain areas, all that shit had an adverse effect. By the time I hit eighteen, I pretty much couldn’t stand alcohol or drugs. Although I still needed titties for some reason. Trying to get me to drink a beer is like Michael Jackson trying to give out the sex.
Lisa Marie. You want me to rock you tonite. All I gotta do is pull my detachable penis outta of the drawer, screw it on, and we’re ready to go. No, Michael, just keep your penis in your pocket or drawer or whatever, I’ll just go it solo tonite. But all I gotta do is screw it on real quick. I said NO you goddamn freak. Now go and play with the kids if you just gotta do something. Okay. hee-hee.
To add in some weird sense of deja vu I also really hate alcoholics. I can’t stand being around drunk people. They annoy the fuck out of me. And I think I can’t stand slutty chicks either, unless I’m really really horny.
So, there you have it, one of the reasons for my fucked up being. Now I’ll never know again the sweet bitter nectar of the alcohol, or the hazed out reality of the drugs. But at least I still have the titties. I’ll always have the titties.
Sigh.
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