The Day Johnnie Died
DAMN! This is some bullshit. Johnnie Cochran’s dead. Now I can’t kill nobody. I was looking forward to that shit, killing somebody. Now my lifelong dream is fuckin dead. It’s DEAD! I should have known some weird shit was up when I came home and listened to my answering machine, my mothafuckin woman laughing her ass off. The beyotch was celebrating and shit. I heard her girlfriends in the background livin’ it up. They ass think they safe. DAMMIT! WHY GOD, WHY?!?!
I swear to God I had shit just right. I was checking the fuckin’ life insurance policies and shit. And Johnnie had to go and have a fuckin brain explosion. Shit like that tells me there ain’t no fuckin’ God. My God wouldn’t do me like that. My God would have my fuckin’ back. Now I’m fucked up like Michael. I’mma get fuckin’ railroaded. Judge’ll probably let in that I tried to kill my former girlfriends, allegedly. I better get ready for a raw ass.
I guess I better get ready to start acting like Mike, having weird back problems, coming outside in my fuckin’ pajamas, callin’ Jesse Jackson, tellin’ him how the white devil has it in for my ass. It’s BULLSHIT! Even though the white devil does have it in for every brother of color. I know that shit for a fact cause the white devil told me that shit one time. I was at a McDonalds eating a nasty ass Big Mac and the white devil came in. He said What up, nigga. Now, I wasn’t feelin’ that shit because only certain people can walk up and call me nigga, you know like my homies, my pastor, my mama. But the white devil? That’s some bullshit. And he knew it. That’s why he started laughing, coughing up phelgm and shit. And then he said, I got it in fo yo ass (no homo). I was like damn. Then he said, strike that no homo. Cause I really do have it in for yo ass. And then he walked away. And i got scared, not only for me, but for every brother of color in the world, and their assholes. That shit is that serious.
It’s just like that time I allegedly drove that truck full of guns and pirated dvds and shit downstate. How the fuck was I supposed to know that Al Qaida was allegedly using that shit to fund their terrorist organization. All I did was allegedly take some money and allegedly hook up with a friend of mine and alledgely take a drive with him down to Florida, allegedly. There, we allegedly met some Cubans who allegedly gave us a bag of unmarked bills, and supposedly, allegedly we took that shit back up north and allegedly returned the dough to some dude who was allegedly named Starks who was allegedly connected to the mob. How the fuck was I allegedly supposed to possibly know that I was allegedly dealing with possible illegal contraband. What the fuck am I, a fuckin’ psychic. I ain’t got no fuckin espn and shit. What? How the fuck was I supposed to know?!? Huh?!? You tell me. It’s bullshit. It’s all bullshit.
And now, I got an alleged, possible murder plot that I can’t even go through with no more. And who knows if that other shit’s gonna come and bite me in my ass. And Johnnie Cochran’s dead. And my fuckin’ woman’s happy and shit, probably come home tonight all drunk and shit, talkin’ shit cause she know I can’t kill her ass now, allegedly. Beyotch’ll start spending my fuckin’ money. And I’mma have to start buying bootlegs off the streets again, and have to start back on the alleged Internet piracy downloading. The fuckin’ US economy’ll go bust. It’s all fucked up.
And the white devil laughing at my ass cause my homes ain’t around no more. Now I tell you, would Baby Jesus do that to a brother? Would you Baby Jesus? I just got finished celebrating the fuckin resurrection and shit. And then you go and kill my homes, Cochran. And that Ashton K - cause I can’t spell his last fuckin’ name - mothafucka got a fuckin’ hit movie. Now that’s some fuckin’ bullshit.
IT’S BULLSHIT, BABY JESUS! WHY?!? MOTHAFUCKA WHY!?!?!
I am dumbfounded and flabbergasted. Both them shits.
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