Asshole of the Week

Saturday, November 8th, 2003 @ 9:30 am | Uncategorized

Don’t you love new days. Sunrise in the eye. Sounds of children playing, birds chirping. New hope. Doody-Doo, Doody-Doo-Doo. Is that John Mayer I hear in the background? La-Di-Da. Rah-Rah-Rah. The smell of blooming flowers. The knock of the sheriff on your door waiting for you to open it up so he can give you a summons to appear in court. Oops, lost track there.

I love you, my brothers, Farrakhan-style. 2+234-for-5645/54628-90345=HELL. Go to Hell. Burn like hell. Smell the funk from my tongue. Burn like the fiery surface of the sun. Fry like a murderer in the electric chair. Cook in oil, crispy chicken brown. Today, my homie, Ja Rule, you are the brand spankin’ new Asshole of the Week.

Ja Rule

And I ain’t be playa hatin, home-skillet.

I love you like Satan, son. Know that your wife and children are all right with me. Irv Gotti. I love that fat fucker. Ashanti. Ashanti. I wouldn’t mind rubbin’ margarine on your ass and eatin’ biscuits off of it. I’d chew on your bottom like fries, rub ketchup all around that backend. Bar-B-Q sauce. You just don’t know. I’m losin’ it just thinking about it.

But let’s get back on track. Why did my man Ja Rule make the list this time? Well, of course, it’s simple. That ass faked his self in a hole. See what I did there. Ass. Hole. See that. Faked his self. In the Hole. The ass in the hole. See it. I’m a fuckin’ genius. A genius just like Irv Gotti, Lyor Cohen, Russell Simmons and Ja Rule.

The shit: Ja has beef with 50. 50′s been ripping Ja’s ass for the past few years. At first it didn’t mean jack because 50 was a low rent, street corner, mixtape shopping, no deal having, rap thug wannabe. And Ja was the real deal new age, sweet ass talking, gravel-voiced, rap thug truth. He had the record sales. And the dough. And the beyotches loved him. So, Ja thought little of 50, outside of natural hip-hop dick protection, making sure no one, not even a new kid on the block, would talk shit about you, anywhere, in the whole fuckin entire universe. Trust me, rappers got shit where they receive disses by radio waves from other galaxies and shit. Nigga on planet QCXUSY in quandrant X7-49 is talkin’ shit, sayin I’m gay. Get the space cruiser ready, my nigga, so we can ride on they alien asses. MUUURRRDDDEEEERRRRRRR!!!!

But something strange happened. 50 Cent gets love from great white hope, hip-hop messiah, Eminem, and is signed to Eminem’s record company. Best thing to come out of it is that 50′s shit would not only go through Em, but he would also get love from producer god/thief, Dr. Dre, and be marketed and distributed by Jimmy Iovine and the Interscope Record fairies. And of course Interscope marketed him right down the public’s throat. The bastard child of Tupac and Notorious was born. And 50 was now the truth.

Of course like most Kings of New York, from Cool J. to Jay-Z, none of these lords know how to rule gracefully. Instead of letting bygones be bygones, they all tend to want to round up and execute all the peasants, lords, noblemen, and past kings who ever said or did them wrong. And as we have learned about 50 Cent, he ain’t a graceful thug. So, 50 went on the attack, even hinting at the rumors that Ja Rule may have had a past sexual encounter with another man. And in hip-hop, the worst thing to be called is a homo. And shit escalated. And here we are, two grown men worth millions of dollars, threatening to kill each other on compact discs and vinyl at a store near you.

Music Should Be The Focus

…reminiscent of the Death Row-Bad Boy wars, we have the Shady-Aftermath camp going at it with Ja Rule’s Murder Inc. masterminds. However, the feud is helping both rappers lose credibility, and rather than getting quality music, we’re getting songs and interviews filled with unsubstantiated claims and threats.

But shit gets better. Ja Rule reinvents himself, Madonna-style, drops Ashanti and Bobby Brown duets, and tells his producer to lace his new shit with gun blast sounds and shit. Lady Lovin’ Ja Rule becomes Murder-Nigga Ja Rule. And the Rock the Mic lite, Clap Back is born. Of course, smelling publicity a mile away, Farrakhan steps up and G’s up, NOI-Style.

It’s anyones guess what Farrakhan hoped to gain from his little pow-wow with Ja Rule. I honestly believe he wants to stop the violence in hip-hop. But I also honestly believe that he constantly sticks his nose in hip-hop affairs to gain publicity because outside of hip-hop he’s a joke.

Speaking on hypocrisy. Isn’t it ironic that the dude who may have fingered Malcolm X for death because of internal Nation Of Islam bullshit is the same dude brokering peace between 50 Cent and Ja Rule. Who’s more important, Ja or Malcolm. Who means more to black culture, 50 or Malcolm. I honestly could give a shit if 50 or Ja got shot down in a blaze of infamy, yesterday. But Malcolm. Malcolm was on another level, and means more for the survival of black culture, hip-hop, and American life in general.

Now getting back to our story. Farrakhan invites Ja Rule to visit him for a little discussion on his beef with 50 Cent. And Ja Rule agrees. And Ja and his Def Jam cohorts knew they had something good. They told the minister that Ja would only meet with him if the meeting was taped. Irv Gotti put out the word that Ja was meeting Farrakhan on his behalf. Truth be told, Ja didn’t really want to meet Farrakhan. Shit. Ja was ready to bust some caps in some niggas asses. YanoWhutImeens, Son. But Gotti nudged him on because of his love for Ja, hip-hop, and black life.

Ja Looks to Settle 50 Beef

Farrakhan had harsh words for the media’s sensationalism of hip-hop beefs and urged Ja Rule to settle the feud for the benefit of hip-hop and the youth who emulate rap stars. “I never want to see anything happen to you, Ja,” he said, “and I never want to see anything happen to 50. I want to see peace. And if you want to dis each other in the culture, that’s fine. But once we go past the line, when we’re talking about killing one another, they print it and put it out.”

“I see the bigger picture that you’re talking about,” Ja said. “It’s not about me and 50′s personal beef. It’s about the overall state of hip-hop and the children that are coming up watching and learning and pitting themselves against each other because one rapper says he doesn’t like the other. I’d be crazy and disrespectful to say I wouldn’t sit down at the table and try to help hip-hop.”

And the final nail in coffin hit when the Def Jam bastards released the tape of the meeting the day before Ja Rule’s new album, Blood In My Eye (that sounds peaceful), would hit the store. The laughter continues when the world learns that Ja Rule spends pretty much the entire album ripping on 50 Cent and threatening him in so many colorful ways on how he’s gonna bust a cap in 50′s ass. And can we all now say we smell bullshit.

Ja Rule/Farrakhan Transcript

The sad part is that some of these rap bastard need to learn to keep the murder talk silent, and stick to dissing each other’s mommas. Some kids still haven’t learned from Tupac and Biggie. And wasn’t it only a week ago the anniversary of Jam Master Jay’s death, gunned down in a music studio.

Hug May Be Jam Master Clue

In the final moments of his life, Jason William Mizell pulled himself off a couch in his Queens recording studio to hug a large man dressed in a black sweatsuit and black hat who had stopped by for a visit.

When the brief embrace ended, the man suddenly pulled out a .40-caliber handgun and from point-blank range fired at the man known to millions as Jam Master Jay, DJ for ground-breaking rap group Run-D.M.C. Those in the room reported to detectives they heard Mizell yell, “Oh, — !” before the gunshots rang out.

Jam Master Jay Remembered
Rapper Slaying Lacks Arrests a Year Later

Some authorities also have suggested Mizell was caught in the crossfire of a rivalry between rap figures who associate with known criminals. 50 Cent – a Queens-reared rapper who worked with Mizell – has feuded with Irv Gotti, head of the Murder Inc. recording label.

Federal agents earlier this year raided the Manhattan offices of Murder Inc. amid allegations that the label was laundering money supplied by a convicted drug kingpin, Kenneth McGriff. Prosecutors believe McGriff may know something about Mizell’s death.

Can’t they see that things are getting out of control. Biggie killed Tupac. Tupac killed Biggie. Drug deal gone bad. Now Ja Rule’s people might have murdered Jam Master Jay because he was cool with 50 Cent. It’s all bullshit. But that doesn’t stop the force. I doubt that the 50 Cent and Ja Rule battle has anything to do with Jam Master Jay. But when mass media, and crazy old ass wrinkled machine gets a hold of shit as juicy as murder in hip-hop, they waste no time trying to tarnish the image of the culture. And these dumb bastards are giving them the ammo.

Side Note: Ja Rule will probably only sell 150,000 copies of that Blood bullshit. His lowest album debut numbers. SOHH Link

Secondly, Benzino almost was the asshole this week. I won’t go into it all. I predict he will make the list pretty soon. Hit these links for a preview on the reasons why. Like you don’t know already: