Dead To ME
My girl is cheap. She’s so cheap, I told her to go to Blockbuster and rent me Five Fingers of Death. She come back with FOUR fingers!
I saw your mother the other day. She had on this sweatshirt and it said U.C.L.A. on it. I was like, Well Goddamn!, I didn’t know you went to college. She said, I didn’t! My name is Ucla!
Am I the only one not watching the Olympics? I hear things, chatter. No one’s talking about it. It’s like the Olympics aren’t really happening, just a figment of my imagination. I must admit, I’ve checked out the beach volleyball competitions. And a little track. But that’s about it. I remember when you couldn’t escape the Olympics. It was like the State of the Union address, fuckin’ everywhere. Now, it’s invisible. I know it’s supposed to be on all the time, but it always seems like it’s never on when I check for it. Or there never seems to be anything worth watching during the times I’m watching. I barely caught the fat dudes during the power weight lifting competitions. They should have something in the tv guide where they say during blank time and blank time blank crap will be happening. Not that I would watch still. But, I’m just saying.
All that exclusive coverage crap is screwing up the event. People can avoid it, and it’s easy. All you have to do is change the channel. They barely talk about the Olympics on the other channels. And they can’t show anything. It’s all crap. I went most of this week not seeing much of anything. And I don’t feel like I’ve missed anything. Nothing big has happened, outside of that dude who got his gold medal by mistake. But that’s it. There’s nobody to root for, or against. Yeah. I know I’m American, but the Olympics always comes down to the individuals, personalities. And I know very few little about very few of the new kids participating. There’s no Michael Johnson, or Mary Lou Retton. What about that chick who broke her ankle and still scored a high score? Who actually remembers any of these people. What the hell was the name of the dude who popped his head on the springboard when he was diving? The only name that keeps coming up in my head is Dawes. And that weird SNL skit. You can do it! And Carl Lewis. And Kurt Angle. That’s it. Oh. And those skimpy volleyball bikinis. Misty May — definite porno name.
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