Gayer Than Clay Or Measure Of My Ass
Are you gayer than Clay? Is Clay gay? Why must we say that Clay is Gay? Huphfray, nonay, amscray. Too bad Ruben, you’re not a scrawny, feminine, white boy. America don’t like big fat black men, especially with big giant penises. If only you sang nice and womanly like Michael. Then maybe they would embrace you. Too bad, fat boy.
I actually admire Clay Aiken. The dude is one of the few artists that would rather stick to their convictions than sale out and go the corporate way. Look at the two pop sluts, Britney and Cristina. Or the many god-fearing singers like Beyonce who sing about sex and dress like sluts. I like Beyonce, but she shows more ass and breast while thanking Jesus than any other pop slut out there. (Whitney smokes more crack while thanking Jesus. R. Kelly shits and pisses on more teenage girls while thanking Jesus. “Thank you Jesus for giving me this great abundance of urine and fecal matter to shower upon my many fans. Osama’s fellin’ me. Doing, Doing!”)
Here is a dude who doesn’t drink or smoke, and happens to be a devout Baptist. He likes showtunes, taking long walks in the park, and quiet dinners at home. And he’s really, really sensitive. — cough cough Homo cough cough — And he knows his niche. He knows that his fans are old ass white women and really big gay dudes who wouldn’t mind a piece of his anus. And he’s cool with that. It’s his thing. (Not that he’s gay or anything.) To prove us all wrong, Aiken will probably become really, really rich and move to Las Vegas and do a show indefinitely, chilling with his homies, Roy & Siegfried.
Wait a minute. Ain’t that Celine Dion. Aiken and Dion sure do look alike. Maybe they’re the same person. Hmmmmmmm.
…a healthy minority have curiously deep reservoirs of disdain for the Idol industry. One RCA executive, who insisted on anonymity, cited Idol as proof that “Americans have no taste” and described Aiken as “Barry Manilow, but with less talent.” Sanders says he understands that some of his employees are “skeptical about the selection process and skeptical about selling a pop artist with no credibility.” But, he adds, “I’ve told everyone they need to look at it this way: Americans buy more vanilla ice cream than any other flavor. Yes, they like their Rocky Road and Cherry Garcia, but ultimately America wants to consume vanilla. So we’re going to sell the best vanilla. Given the problems we’re facing as an industry, we cannot afford to be judgmental.”
The greater problem for the industry is that the youth market would rather download crap than buy crap. And I understand fully. I used to buy at least five tapes a month when I was a pre-teen and a teenager. Combine the vinyl, tapes and CDs over the 10 years between 11 and 21, I think I might have bought over 10,000 dollars worth of stuff. And the majority of it was bullshit. Remember Colonel Abrams. I got it. Or A-Ha. Got that. Tony D., Harvey Wallbanger. Got that bullshit. AC-DC, Fly On The Wall. Yep, that bullshit, too. I won’t lie. I have Hammer’s first two albums. And Vanilla Ice’s bullshit, too. Wham, Whitney Houston, Professor Griff. Yep, all of that crap.
I need a effin’ refund. And since the music industry ain’t coughin’ up one, I’m taking my money back in the name of downloads. No more will I buy Nastradamus bullshit without knowing beforehand how that shit sounds. It ain’t happenin’. They ain’t keepin’ this brotha down, my nizzos. I’mma go down fightin’ the man. Eff’em. Eff’em all. Except maybe Beyonce. But she ain’t the man. She the wo-man.
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