Hee Hee Hee!
Now, That’s Entertainment!
Hey, Tippi Turtle, coming down the street
Tell us what you’re gonna do!First, I’m gonna bother everybody I meet
Then, I’ll probably go home and get drunk.
I planned on doing this big thing with these dudes, Super Lover Cee and Casanova Rud, where I posted a mp3 everyday this week from their debut album, Girls, I got’em Locked. But you know me, I got bored with the idea a few hours after I came up with it. And I ended up not posting a damn thing up until now.
So, I’m thinking that I still might actually go through with some shit like this in the future. Not about these dudes, but about somebody I might actually be motivated to finally follow through and do some shit with. I don’t know who that is right now. But when I finally come up with that shit, it just might be the the most tremendous, the most spectacular, piece of shit any human on earth has ever come up with. Or it might end up being just another piece of crud on this electronic blah blah blah we all call the Internet.
Now getting to my people. I tried to find a weblog or a website that I could steal some crap from off of, but I couldn’t find shit. And after like 10 or 15 minutes, I just got tired of looking. So, since I know absolutely nothing about these two, I’ve decided to make some shit up.
Here’s hoping neither one of them comes across this shit. I ain’t looking to get sued. I mean, i only got five dollars to my name. I can’t afford another lawsuit, especially after President White Devil and the House of Honkys fucked with them bankruptcy laws. Now I can’t go crazy on the credit cards and buy a lot of shit and have all that debt wiped away. Damn you! How the hell’s a man supposed to live if he can’t live beyond his means.
Now, let’s begin our story. One was named Calente Frederick (Super Lover Cee), who made his way as a baby from Jamaica on a raft with some Cubans and Haitians. He made it to shore and was adopted by a poor black couple in Miami. This family made their way upward to New York to find work in the big city. His father took on five jobs. And his mother took on three. And at the age of seven, his family made him take up two jobs, one working as a cab driver, and the other, working as a janitor at a housing project. This is where he would meet his childhood friend, Erik Rudnicki (Casanova Rud).
Young Erik was born from the loins of an Appalachian Russian family. He was a wild child that ran around in circles and howled at the moon at night. At age four, he would acquire the nickname, the magnificent barber, after he spent an hour circumcising himself. He did such a good job that he went on to circumcise half the boys in his village. Pretty soon, with the money he made from trimming, coupled with the dough his white daddy made from crystal meth, Erik and his family were able to leave the squalor of the Appalachians for the luxury of the New York housing projects. And as stated before, it was here where the two boys would meet.
They became friends pretty fast. And by the time they were teenagers, they so acted and dressed alike that many people believe them to be twins. In fact, one incident illustrates this best. One day, Super Lover was hanging out in Casanova’s room. And lo and behold, Casanova’s white daddy came in. The white daddy, believing Super Lover to be Casanova, started beating him senselessly. And much to Super Lover’s surprise, the white daddy told him to take off his clothes so that he could perform “magic” on Super Lover’s bottom. Super Lover resisted, but the white daddy was too strong. And unfortunately, Super lover could not resist the white daddy’s “magic” no longer. It was at this moment that Super Lover felt the pain that Casanova and every other black man has felt for over four hundred years, the pain of the white man raping the black man over and over again. Oh, you white devil with your evil temptations. May the Lord have mercy on your white devil soul.
Anyway. Afterwards they made two albums, which I was surprised to know, because I only know Girls, I Got’em Locked. Their other release is named Blow Up the Spot. I think it was an ep. I don’t know if I’ve ever heard shit from it. Who knows. Anyway, after their successful rap careers, Rud tried producing for awhile. And Super Lover Cee opened up a chicken shack that was called Clucks.
I think, as of today, Super Lover Cee runs a tobacco plantation down south. And Rud married some white woman and moved back to the mountains. One of them is wanted by the FBI for smuggling butt. Hee-hee. Just joking. Actually I heard that Rud was running a pretty successful white trash whore escort service out of his basement. In fact, I think he makes more money now than he did when he was making records. Way to go, my negro.
But seriously. These dudes are way underrated. Girls I Got’em Locked is probably one of the best kept secrets of 1988. In my eyes, this shit is about as good as Critical Beatdown. It probably would rate higher if half their songs didn’t sound like a better version of some shit Kid N Play might have done around that time. These dudes just came off a little too partyish and girl crazy. And that album cover is straight metrosexual, if those two words can be used together. Also, I don’t think this shit sold very well. When you go from Elektra to Wild Pitch, you’ve gone and fucked up somewhere.
Girls Act Stupid-aly
Girls I Got’em Locked
Pump It Back
Super-Casanova
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