I wanted to start off with something spectacular, something that told you that I was back for good.  But there’s nothing in me, nothing left to give.  And yet, here I am, performing for you, the masses (of none), trying my best to create one last great performance.  And for what, you might ask?  Well, I’ll be perfectly honest, and tell you straight out.  I need cash

That’s right, folks.  I need cash.  And I’m willing to do just about anything for it, and I mean ANYTHING.  You want a kidney?  I’m your man.  You need a piece of my liver?  Come on down.  You want to see my butt-naked with only a yellow pamper on me?  Just tell me when and where.  I don’t give a damn.  I’m willing to sell my ass for a couple of fifties.  I’m willing to lie about loving Kentucky Grilled Chicken.  I willing to sit though X-Men Origins: Wolverine.  But only if you’re willing to name the right price.

That’s why I’m back, posting on this crap after two or so years of being absent.  I need the ad revenue.  And I was told by one of my financial advisers that the only way I was going to get more ad revenue is if I post more.  And not just post more, but post more about crap that’ll drive all you Iranians back to my door to click more crappy ads. 

And just so you know I’m not kidding, and this isn’t a one time in a year thing, I’m going to give you peoples the one thing I’ve never given another living soul on this earth before, and I don’t mean my penis.  Because my penis is a whore and has been given to all types of women and stuff.  They call my penis, Pimpmaster Penis, because it’s a pimp,… and a penis. 

No.  The one thing I plan to give to all of you who visit this site from now on, is my word.  Yep.  Just like Scarface.  The only thing I have is my balls and my word.  And I’ll only break one of the three for the right price.  So, if you want me to break my left ball, then I’ll do it.  I’ll still have an unbroken right ball and my word.  And if you want me to break my right ball, I’ll do that too.  I’ll still have my left ball and my word.  And I might even break my word, cause I’ll still have my left and my right ball, and my balls are more important than my word.  But for the right price, I might break both my balls, because at least I’ll still have my word, and I’d be filthy rich also.

So, there you have it, I give you my word that I will post at least once a week to this shitty ass site, unless, of course, someone pays me well enough to make me break my word.  And then, there won’t be anymore posts.  But, like I said earlier, I’m willing to break both my balls for the right price, or one of my balls for less than the right price, or my word, for a couple of dollars.

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