No You Didn’t, Or Where’s My Ass At?
It’s Monday. No fun day. No happy to go back to work day. Got to get up early. No stay uppa all nighty. Which makes me wanna cryee. Whyee — Boyee.
Doesn’t Renee Zellweger look better chunky than skinny. Some chicks look better with a little more meat on’em. Instead, a lot of women — let me rephrase that — a lot of white chicks think it’s better to look rail boney, than super-fat-booty healthy.
I like healthy chicks, thick women. At least, sometimes. I mean, you can have too much of a good thing. Once a woman goes over 140, she’s pushing it. And 200 means you’re just greasy. But that doesn’t mean big chicks don’t need love, too, right Big Boi. And I know some big chicks that’ll break a dude’s back lovely, big grin in the end and all. And the grin in the end is all that matters, right? Right?
Well, maybe not, especially if you’re in pain, and your backs pulsing and you wanna cry. But, I say be a man. Take it like a man would, like Jack Nicholson would, like Warren Beatty would, like Wilt Chamberlain would. Give as good as you get. Someone hits you, hit back harder. Smack the booty like a certified pro, even if hips shatter and all that. Be a man for once in your goddamn life. Now get up, go outside, find a fat chick, and bang it like the mighty hammer of Thor. GO!
I don’t watch a lot of reality television. I saw the first two Survivors. The Joe Schmo Show was somewhat funny, and somewhat interesting. Every once in a while I’ll check out an episode of the Real World. But for the most part I stay away from it.
I don’t even find the Osbournes all that interesting. In fact, I think I’ve only sat through one complete show from beginning to end. Now, I must admit I check out the Real World to see how completely unreal it’ll get. For the most part, the newer versions of the show only appeal to me for the slut factor. The women on the last couple of editions of the show have been really hot, really mental, and really slutty. People need to start a drinking game based on how many times Robin’s titties bounce when she moves in those flimsy t-shirts.
There I go talking about titties and ass again. Yeah. I know. It’s boring. But I can’t help myself. Titties and ass rule the world. If there were more titties and ass in the world, we’d have less war and more, titties and ass. The world would be a better place with more nudity. Nudity, nudity, nudity, all day, all night, everywhere. Don’t listen to the prudes. More nudity doesn’t make society worser, it makes society better. I have no proof of this, no research or studies or anything. It’s just something up here, in my brain. Or down there, in my brain. Pick one.
I hate to be on one note all the time. But outside of a really good plot, a really great story, or some really superb acting, the only thing that’ll get me to watch a show or a movie is sex and nudity. I’ll watch weird shit like Mulholland Drive, and bullshit like Original Sin just for that one scene of titty and ass and fake simulated sex. It’s one of the reasons I paid to see Monster’s Ball. I thought it was a decent film, not the best shit I’ve ever seen. But seeing Halle buck naked, ass, titties and all, riding fucked up Billy Bob Thorton, made up for a pretty slow paced film.
It’s the only reason why I watch Porky’s, Porky’s 2, and all the other Porky’s bullshit when it comes on cable. The same with most horror flicks. And BBC America. Titties and ass makes up for pretty much everything. Trust me. I know these things.
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