Super-Villain Style

Anybody wanna buy a bridge off me. I could really use the dough.

Some crackhead ripped my building’s power lines out again. They apparently cut out the phone lines also. I went a day without power. Luckily I got to go to work. Otherwise I would have been sweating buckets all day.

By the time I made it back home, they had fixed the power, but I still didn’t have any phone service. So, I didn’t commit any Internet crimes last night. I bet that crackhead was told to do that vandalism by the MPAA and the RIAA just to stop me from experiencing my nation’s cultural artforms, like Big Busty Nasty Latin Sluts, part 24. Bastards.

Since I didn’t have any Internets to play around in, I spent the night listening to my Zen Nano, and sleeping. I woke up around 10:30, doozed through some Jay Leno, and finally fully woke up to check out this white chick with her breast out in this infomercial.

She was pitching some product by this dude I’ve seen before. He used to do those infomercials with that chick who claimed to be the most downloaded chick in the world, you know the one, the big busty blonde chick who effed herself up when she got herself pregnant. Idiot. I wanna call her Christy-something, but I got a feeling that’s not her name. Anyways, he had her on his old show, pitching some crap about making money off of selling ads in newspapers.

His new product is about some vitamin, I think, the World’s Greatest Vitamin, he calls it. In the first commercial, he had the white chick who’s now pitching the crap talking with another chick, and both of them had their breasts hanging out.

They were talking about all the money they could make by getting goofballs to sell the scam for them. If one person got another person hooked on the scam, the first person would get some kind of cut, something like 500 bucks. The more people a person could get to fall for the scam, the more money a person could make by doing nothing absolutely nothing. Sounds kind of pyramid like to me.

Still, the dude must be a genius, because he’s definitely figured out that the scam don’t sell well without a little T-N-T on the side. I substituted a “T” for an “A” because we don’t see a lot of bootie in the show.

Point I’m making is that I I probably wouldn’t have watched that infomercial over and over again if it didn’t regularly come on when I was looking for something to jerk off to at 2 in the morning.

First, I would watch him get spastic, pitching his crap; then this whitebread dude and chick would talk a little about the crap; then, some people would get on and lie about how they made money off the crap; then the two chicks with their breastases hanging out would get on; and then I would knock a round out. Afterwards, I would fall asleep, and wake up refreshed for the new day.

So, I guess that vitamin was good for something.

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